A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:OK, i was just wondering on peoples opinions on this. It was my birthday a couple of days ago, had a lovely evening with my mates but then I got a bit disappointed. My boyfriend bought a bottle of wine and birthday cake, but no present for me. Its fair to say I was very suprised by this as he seemed to put a lot of effort in at christmas time, and its obviously my first birthday with him. His mum had bought me something, which I asked for and the cake, and he claimed was from them all. Is it bad of me to expect that at just 6 months of us going out if he cared about me he would have wanted to make the effort to get me something himself, or at least wrapped what his mum got? Do i expect too much from men? Im not after him spending loads of money on me, just to put a bit of thought in. I just know that I have spent a long time looking at things to do for valentines day, as i want to impress him and do nice things for him, but now i just feel like he doesnt really give a monkeys. I dont know if it is just the difference between men and women, but i know all my friends get presents for their birthday from their boyfriends. I feel like he doesnt really care for me. Thank you for any opinions, even if it is that im just being ungrateful!
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male
reader, Dr. Reality Check +, writes (27 January 2007):
 It's not like he forgot, and not like he didn't make an effort. Personally I would prefer the effort, as it is more of a sign of love than anything he bought in a store.
A
female
reader, AngelofLove +, writes (27 January 2007):
 I think women value gifts more than men. Some men are more generous than others. But then again it is not the size of the gift that proves their love.
What counts is the intention, it was nice that he bought you wine and birthday cake which I am sure he thought it was a good idea and meant it to be as more intimate than just a silver chain for example.
Try not to be so hard on him, remember that his love may be priceless.
Wish you both a Happy Valentines Day!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2007): i am the original poster of this problem.
In response to Melschatbox about valentines day. It was the Welsh valentines day on my birthday, which he knew - i didnt cos im english living in wales, and then my friends asked him what hed got me when we were out, and he said he was hoping i wouldnt find out about it and hadnt bothered. So im not holding out much hope for Feb 14th.
I am not good at expressing my feelings, I would like to talk to him about it, but i feel like im being spoilt and have no idea how to broach the subject.
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A
female
reader, melschatbox  +, writes (27 January 2007):
 I don't think you are being ungrateful at all! It was nice of him to have the cake for you, but he should have gotten you something! You're right. Just something to show that he took time to choose a gift that reminded him of you. (but, I am female) One way to tell if he thinks birthdays are special, is to ask him how his past birthdays have been spent? Maybe, his family or previous g/f don't make a big deal about it. If that's the case, you'll have to break him in and teach him that you like special attention on special days! We all do. I was like you too when I started dating my husband. I took lots of time making V-day very special. Bought decorations, chocolates..and rented a hotel room. Had music...the nighty. Come to think of it, that was pretty nice of me. And, now he doesn't even remember to make reservations for vday...and we get stuck eating where ever we can. You'll love this ...one year WE WENT TO CHUCK E CHEESES!!! lol Yeah, I'm not really over that one...but, it's not like I couldn't have gone unless I didn't finally agree, right?
Anyway, your relationship is still to young for you 2 to stop making occasions special. Really, show him how to do it right on Vday...but, he may have his own plans for that too. Men generally, take control on that holiday. (Except mine.!) lol
Well....good luck to you.
:)
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (27 January 2007):
 I think it's natural to be a bit upset about this. After all most girls wonder for ages what their boyfriend is going to get them and imagine showing off about it to their friends etc. As for not wrapping the present that's just a guy thing, they can't use scissors (joke-agony uncles) I don't think they pay attention to detail in the same way as us girls. I think he thought the cake and wine were a thoughtful gesture. If he didn't give a monkeys he would have ignored it completely. My thoughts are that he used all his ideas on Xmas and decided to play your birthday down a little as a result. Or maybe he has a big surprise for Valentines Day. Give him a chance to redeem himself!
CD
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