A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend and am madly in love with him as when i first laid eyes on him, it sure was love at first sight for both of us. I never wanted kids but am getting really broody lately - he tells me he wants me to have his baby and it just melts me away. I'm 19, there's an age difference so if we're gonnna have kids we need to have them in the near future. will i be throwing my life away by having kids so young? all the young mums could you pls tell me if u wish you would have waited a bit longer Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2010): Please dont rush into having a baby.Youhave to really know this guy will be here for you for the long haul.You dont want to be stock raising a baby all by your self.You cant gamble with precious lives. Children reqire a lot of attention. You want to be ready to be their 100%.Think this one through.Wait a while see if you can stand him in a few yrs .If you still feel the same way you do now may be you could consider having a baby at least you will be 21!!Good luck
A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (16 November 2010):
 I had my daughter when I was 19. I was never one of those girls who dreamed of having a baby and being a mommy..I had always wanted to go to college, have a career, to travel the world, ect. My life changed drastically when I found out I was pregnant. It was obviously not planned. I wouldn't say that I couldn't do things, but the normal things that a young adult can take for granted..I couldn't. I got married, but after 2 years of being physically and emotionally abused, I left the marriage. So at 21, I had a 2 year old, and was divorced. I managed to work, and go to college and graduate with honors. It wasn't easy, and I had TONS of support from my family. I was lucky. I got remarried and had my 2nd child at 25. It was ALOT easier. I was more mature, knew what to expect and was just prepared. I also had a great husband. There's nothing wrong with being a young parent if you are ready and can handle it, but trust me..your life changes drastically! When your friends are at college and going out afterwards and dancing ect...you aren't. You are at home feeding a baby, changing diapers, or worrying about getting a babysitter, or going to the doctor because the baby is sick, or teething..ect....you grow up VERY quickly when you have a child..because you HAVE to. That little person depends on you.
Now I'm almost 50, and both of my children are grow adults. Its great because I'm still young and my kids are happy, healthy and on their own, and I can do all the things I didn't get to do when I was younger. Do I regret having my children young? No, but it certainly made difficult things that others take for granted.
Think VERY carefully about having a child young. It doesn't matter so much what age the man is..they can get a woman pregnant when they are 70+. But you only have your youth once.....I'd say wait until you are at least 21. Take it from someone who has been there.
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A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (16 November 2010):
 Not a young mommy but know many who had children young (my mom was 19 when she had me). I asked her once, "Mom, did I mess up your plans/life?" I knew I would get an honest answer and she told me, "Having you changed my life, I put you before me and always here. I never regret you, I love you. I just wish I could have worked to give you more." When she and my dad divorced, she had no college degree to fall back on and so, had to work and go to school...little time for me. You never know what will happen. Before having a child, you have to be ready in every way. You also have to know each other more as individuals, as a couple...possible parents. What are his views on discipline? Yours? Education? Etc. I think you should wait another 2yrs at least. Save up money (financial conflicts ruin a relationship) and try to plan. Start a college account, never too early! Get ready in every way you can, it's worth the wait!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2010): Hi there,
a) if you have kids "your life", your wants, your needs, immediately all become secondary in importance to the needs of your kid(s). That can be a good thing or a bad thing depending on if you (and your husband/partner) are ready for it. You will be deferring much of your own freedom and liberty to go do things until later (i.e. your 40's) but you are not losing the opportunity completely. The question is not really will it "ruin" your life, the question really is what will you be doing to the child's life? Can you provide a good home for a baby, emotionally, financially, physically? Parenthood is great experience, challenging experience, but the ultimate sacrifice of personal desires for the benefit of another.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (15 November 2010):
 The age difference thing isnt so critical when it is the man who is older. I had kids young, and on reflection waiting a few years would have meant a little more maturity on my part when it came to making very important decisions, a few more years would also have meant less financial strain.
I would suggest waiting just another year or two before you again consider starting a family.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (15 November 2010):
The age difference thing isnt so critical when it is the man who is older. I had kids young, and on reflection waiting a few years would have meant a little more maturity on my part when it came to making very important decisions, a few more years would also have meant less financial strain.
I would suggest waiting just another year or two before you again consider starting a family.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010): Throwing away your life? No. That wpuld require you to die in some fashion.
Changing your life? Definitely. Whether for better or worse is up to you and your partner.
Plenty of others have had kids at your age, in fact up until a decade or so ago, it was the social norm. However, due to societal shifts and the roles of the male and female being mixed, reversed, entwined and other such descriptive terms... it is has now become somewhat of a social taboo.
Only YOU know if you are ready and only YOU can make it work or fail if you choose to.
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 November 2010):
 hi well am not a young mum but i have a lot of friends who had children very young. Have you both been in this relationship for long? First of 19 is quite young to have children you should be out enjoying yourself. If you really feel the need to settle down then you need to look at a few other aspects. You both need to live together for a year or more and see how you both get on living under the same roof and sharing bills. Also have you got a steady income because as am sure you know babies dont come cheap.
I would advise waiting for a few years until you are sure you are ready, do you have a steady job? One that you will be in for a life time, you need to think about your life and your career before you settle down, get yourself educated in what ever you would like to do before you start having children.
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