A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice. I am 22 years old and my boyfriend is 26. I am 16 weeks pregnant. My boyfriend and I moved in together and I found out that he uses prescription drugs and cocaine. He also drinks alcohol. I found out about all this when I was 5 weeks pregnant. I knew he smoked weed and drank alcohol but I never knew about the cocaine and prescription drugs. He promised to stop using 11 weeks ago and just last night I came home early from work and found cocaine on a plate under the kitchen counter. He said he can not stop from one day to another but he will stop. He admits to having a problem but swears he can stop on his own. I have two questions: First should I stay and try to help him get clean or should I leave before the baby comes?I have never dealt with this and can not talk to my parents about it. They will urge me to leave. Second has anyone known of someone who had this type addition and stop using on their own?Thank you,
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female
reader, red1982  +, writes (6 March 2008):
Your boyfriend will not be able to stop on his own. He may think he can but he won't be able to, and having a new baby will just add to his stress and give him more excuses to rely on drugs and alcohol.
I understand that you want to stand by him and help him through this, but you need to get him to seek help from a professional service. Tell him that you will give him all the support you can and offer to go with him for his first appointment.
My advice to you if he refuses to go to get help is to leave him. Tell him that you love him and want to be with him, but won't have him back until he can prove that he is clean, of all drugs and alcohol.
Your life and your baby's will not be pleasant if you are living with a drug addict. The drugs come first, above everything. Yourself and the baby included, not because he doesn't love you but because the need for drugs is strongest.
I have no doubt that your boyfriend loves you, but it may take him to lose everything he loves before he will admit how big the problem is and take steps towards getting clean.
Take care of yourself and your baby, make sure that you put the two of you and your physical and emotional needs before your boyfriends, no matter how hard that is. It takes more love from you to walk away until he sorts himself out then it does to support his drug habit, by allowing him to continue.
Thinking of you
xxx
A
female
reader, Cosy +, writes (6 March 2008):
I think your best bet might be to take him to a proper counsellor person or maybe a drug conversation class or something? I'm sure there will be places in your local area where you can get expert advice on this...as for what you need to do? Check out how bad/if at all it is for the baby at present to be in drug/smoke/alc atmosphere (may not be) and then think abotu what you would do if you didn't ahev the baby...would you stay or leave if it was just you that mattered? Then, think about the baby, and what is best for him/her...If he is going to be a father he needs to be selfless becuase thats the key to Parenthood.. and this is either a good starting point or early proof it might not work. Good Luck!!!
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