A
male
age
30-35,
*illy23
writes:I’m a young gay guy and a student. One of my coursemates is a really sexy guy, unfortunately straight. Although even if he would be gay, I would have no chance, because he’s really hot, like a film star. The bad thing is that he’s apparently a homophobe. He loves to laugh about me and make fun of me. When I come into the class, he sometimes says something like „everyone cover your butts, fag is here”. Despite it all, I’m madly in love with him, he doesn’t know it. Some time ago we were all having a student party in a rented flat. It was late night already when he started fighting with his girlfriend, because she was making out with every guy, she even tried to seduce me. They argued terribly and then she left. I went into one of the empty rooms, because I wanted to grab some sleep. After some time he came inside the same room and he asked me am I gay because all women are sluts. I said no and he then lied down next to me and apologized for all the bad things he has ever said to me. I didn’t talk much to him, because the distance between us help me control my feelings for him. Then he was like „if I would be gay, I’d probably be yours”. I said I didn’t like him, which was the biggest lie I’ve ever told. He then started guessing which one from our coursemates could I like. I turned my back at him and told I wanted to sleep. My heart was racing like crazy. After a while I felt him putting his arms around me. We slept like this till the morning. I don’t know what to think now. That night hasn’t changed anything for me, I still scared to approach him. He doesn’t call me queer or sissy anymore. In classes he’s sitting alone now, as he has broken up with his girlfriend. I’m sitting some desks in front of him together with a friendly girl. Once she asked me „doesn’t your back itch”. I asked why and she said that he’s looking at me all the time. I don’t know, his attitude change seems strange to me. What does it mean? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (27 January 2013):
 come on! you're gay, so you should know that homophobes are, 9 times out of 10, gay themselves! the fact that he used to make those hurtful comments already triggered in my mind that he was probably interested in you but had to compensate by acting like he wasn't.
clearly he is interested because i don't know many straight men who would come and cuddle up with a gay guy. but i would certainly back off and not pursue this dude. he's the type that would hook up with you, and then FREAK OUT. clearly he is not okay with his sexuality and he doesn't strike me as the type that would take finding out that he's into men lightly. he may hook up with you, and then lash out at you afterwards. i would definitely not go for this guy.
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (27 January 2013):
Hi there. I am guessing that he has some feelings towards you, and isn't quite sure where to go with it.
And when he used to poke fun at you in classes before, it could have been his way of hiding the fact he has some attraction towards you, just to put others off the scent.
People are often afraid of being judged when it comes to coming out and telling others you are gay.
And when you both fell asleep on the bed that night - after the argument with his girlfriend - and he put his arms around you, that doesn't seem like something a straight man would do, don't you think?
You would think he wouldn't even lie on the same bed, if he was straight.
He simply would not place himself in a position where something could happen during the night.
And perhaps that is what the argument was all about with his girlfriend on this same night earlier.
I mean, who really knows?
It would certainly explain why his girlfriend went around kissing this guy and that guy, to try and influence him in some way about something.
I realize the argument was AFTER these kissing episodes of his girlfriend with other guys, and yet the kissing could have been from other doubts she was having about his feelings for her - before the party night.
Even if up until the time of the argument with his girlfriend, there could have been signs he was showing where when he was with her, he was sneakily checking out other guys.
And she just happened to see that.
Or else, maybe he made some comments - when they were together - about you or other men, that would at least slightly suggest, he might be gay, and she felt awkward about that.
This is something any girl could NOT compete with.
They can always compete with another female, but could NOT compete with a male.
And maybe, it was shortly after that episode - the big fight at the party - that he made mention of you.
And so at that point, he called it off with her.
It does make sense, don't you think?
It seems to me that he could be very subtly hinting to you that he likes you, without saying it in so many words.
It is possible he might be gay, and is dealing with the thoughts and feelings he has, and until he is sure, he won't make any kind of move towards you.
And a hint of that, is what that girl you sat next to in class said about was your back itching, because this other guy kept looking at you.
I mean, why would he keep looking at you, if there wasn't a reason?
And that reason, could only be that he IS interested.
I don't think you should pressure him for any answers just yet, just give it some time.
You know you are in love with him, and so why not from time to time eye him off when he is facing your direction.
Whether it's in class, or in the grounds of the college.
If he is checking you out, well then why not check him out sometimes?
I mean, don't blow him kisses or anything silly like that - I'm just being silly here of course - but what I mean is that you reciprocate.
And that you make some eye contact with him, whenever it seems right or whenever you get the chance.
For instance, if you find you are in a situation where you turn around in class for whatever reason, and he is sitting behind you somewhere there, and he just happens to be looking at you when you do, well then look at him also, and smile at him.
There's no harm in that, surely.
Or, at other times when you are walking from one class to another class, and you pass each other on the way, well then that's an opportunity to look and say "Hi" to him, and smile.
The main thing is to be friendly.
Romances have to start somewhere.
It's also a good sign that he is not making any nasty comments about you in class, about you being gay.
That is very positive.
Anyway, just give it some time and be friendly towards him without making a direct pass at him.
And don't overdo it.
There will be plenty of time for that later on, once you know where you stand.
So for now, I strongly suggest that you be patient.
Good things do take time, you know.
And it is worth the wait, don't you think?
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