A
female
 ,
*itta
writes:I finally got the courage to dump my boyfriend and now hes emotionally blackmailing me. I dont love him anymore and I have feelings for someone else so i told him i didnt want to be with him. Its the only solution i can come to. He has now said to me that if i dont get back with him he will kill himself. He says the guilt it would cause me for the rest of my life would be worth it.Im at my wits end. I understand that he is heart broken and i feel really guilty but I cant get back with him because hes blackmailing me. I dont know what to do. I feel guilty if i dont answer his calls but at the same time all he does is blackmail me when im on the phone. I dont want to get back with him but i cant stand the guilt, what do i do?! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (5 February 2007):
 HI
Its his last attempt at getting his own way. No wonder you left him in the first place. My boyfriend was on the recieving line of this once, and it was really hard not to give in. He had all sorts threatened, and he had two kids to consider. But he did not give in and never went back. Its just guilt, thats all you are feeling, but you musn't.
You are not responsible for him, and he needs to pull himself to-gether.
Yes its sad when you lose a love, but life goes on. And for him to threaten you like this is just not on. Be straight to him, tell him the truth and ask him not to call you anymore. I think you have to be cruel to be kind.
Best of luck XXX
A
female
reader, AngelEyes420  +, writes (5 February 2007):
Yeah, that on got me too, but I fell for it. I moved to go live with him. And after 2 years he abandoned me for another chick. DONT fall for it. IF you dont love him and you put his well being ahead of your own, you'll only have yourself to blame when things fall apart. IGNORE him
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2007): Do not let him get inside of your head. He is not your responsibility. That is a stupid thing for him to say to you. Don't let him CONTROL you in such a way. Walk away. Change your phone number and get on with your life. Emotional blackmail is the worst kind. Don't let him do this to you. Those who shout loud about going to do these things - never do. My ex husband was just the same, guess what, he is alive and well and married to a russian girl he met through the internet.
Be brave and strong and walk away with your head held high, it's his life, if he wants to throw it away then there is nothing you can do.
Take care
...............................
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (5 February 2007):
 What do you do? STOP FEELING GUILTY!!! This guy is a total sleaze bag! He WON'T kill himself at all, he's using this blackmail as a form of control over you. "If I can't have her then no one will." Next time he calls you and you pick up and find it's him, hang up immediately. If he emails you and asks why you did it and says he'll kill himself, ignore it!
Don't have any more contact with him at all. If you do happen to bump into him at any time and he throws this at you again, tell him to go ahead, IT'S NOT YOUR PROBLEM ANY MORE! He'll soon get the message and leave you alone!
Eve
...............................
A
female
reader, dada  +, writes (5 February 2007):
Yes emotionally being made to feel bad is bad.
Could you tell me how he was blackmailing you via phone?
Because feeling guilt does not signify love.
To me: I feel that for a relationship decision:
One needs to be objective, stand outside yourself:
Discern if you re still in love with him first.
Then decide if there s no love then be a good friend to him first. Clarify you go on being with him as a good friend and be his friend, and convince him if this is not acceptable to him. Then your ex boyfriend needs time for working through his problem of letting go of this thing he has for you.
And if he works it through, you can be good friends if both accepted this
What do you think
Write me at my email posted or post to correspond with me personally
THanks.
...............................
A
female
reader, dada +, writes (5 February 2007):
When I was rethinking my relationship as did yours on leaving my other closest closest one some months ago before 2007. It was a painful thing for me too. But I ha ve made the first step.
Could you or anyone comment on if I rethink it again?could I ever reverse and go back to it after much thoughts again??
...............................
A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (4 February 2007):
 You need to tell him that you're not responsible for his life and that if he kills himself it won't be your fault. Honestly it wouldn't be. Someone who is desperate enough to kill themselves doesn't do it over one reason. It's because they feel they have NOTHING to live for anymore. I once had a friend who constantly said she would try and kill herself again unless I came to see her, skipped work to visit her, told my boyfriend I couldn't see him that week because I had to spend time with her etc. In the end I told her I was sick of being manipulated and that her happiness wasn't my responsibility, it was hers and that I wasn't going to ruin my own life for her. Then I waited. It was hard because she basically ignored me for a month and I was on tenterhooks expecting to hear she was dead all that time but it turns out that cutting her loose was the best thing that ever happened to her. She realised I was right and that she was the only person who could make herself happy and now she's fine again.
Don't let yourself be manipulated. Remember if he was that hurt he'd already have killed himself. He knows this is hurting you and that's why he's doing it.
CD
...............................
A
male
reader, maxsteel86 +, writes (4 February 2007):
 Wow he's turned that lame huh? Forget about it, if he kills himself its his own problem. Dont let him guilt you into crap. Look at the other option: if you stay with him, your life is screwed. Next time he tells you he's gonna kill himself, tell him to talk less and get on with it already!!! I bet you anything he wont go ahead with it. Most people who talk about killing themselves are only after attention. Real suicidals talk less, die more
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2007): Refuse too carry the guilt and tell him that, dear. This man is manipulating you through fear, obligation and guilt. His unreasonable demands and manipulations are likely making you feel insecure, fearful, guilt-ridden and generally bad about yourself and that is also very emotionally abusive. You need to call him out, on his behaviours. Perhaps the next time, he threatens this you could say to him
"I will not be subjected to your emotional blackmail any longer-I am done with that. I can't prevent what you might do. It won't be my fault and and I refuse to take responsibility for what you do to yourself. I'm sorry that you feel so much pain that you think this is the only viable option. Would you like some professional help?"
Have the phone number of a family counselling service ready for him and hand him the number. He's controlling you and you need to take your power back, hun. Your bf, who is wrestling control and beating your soul and breaking down your will with emotional blackmail, has to understand the huge damage and pain that is being caused to you. I strongly suggest you alert his family....so someone can be with him and do a "suicide watch" just in case. Alerting His family to his state of mind might be what he needs to be persuaded to get professional help. Take care and be strong.
...............................
|
