A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am filled with dread and regret after breaking up with my boyfriend of 9 months. I don't want it to end but it couldn't stay as it was. He was being cold, not returning my phone calls for days and then I found evidence that he was flirting with a girl online and gave her his phone #. Even though I saw the messages bc he left his account open, he lied and said he didn't do it. I told him to get out of my apartment and he did - that same night. Moving his stuff out Within hours and sending a text "thanks for everything have a great life"even though he didn't apologize for lying or the flirting, I still want him back and called and emailed how I felt bad for kicking him out and want to work it out.He never answered. And to be honest, I had hoped he would fight to stay with me and fix it. Not leave so easy and cut me off cold turkey. Guys out there: if you were told to get out would you try to convince her otherwise if you loved her? Would you apologize if you were guilty?
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (17 August 2011):
 Yeah, he played you. He wanted to break up with you, but was too chickensh*t to do it himself, so he made it so that you would get fed up, start the fight, and then dump him.
Trust me on this -- he did you a favor by having you toss him. You don't want him back. You don't want to pine for him. You definitely don't want to keep contacting him. He is not keeper material. He wanted out all along.
Best do your mourning, go have some fun with your loving and supportive friends, and wipe him off your shoe like the gum he is.
A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (16 August 2011):
 It sounds like your guy was looking for the escape hatch and then blamed the deterioration of the arrangment on you.
You may not have meant to do it, but your actions showed his true nature and the result was probably the best thing for you!
Best Wishes.
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A
female
reader, Lucky786  +, writes (16 August 2011):
 If you didn't want to end it you shouldn't have. Simple. If what you say about him is true, why on earth would you want him back???
Good riddance I say.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYouWish i really didn't plan to kick him out but I was done having him lie to my face. I did try to calmly talk it out the night before. And he lies to my face. I didn't tell him I had seen the messages but I said the girl contacted me and copy and pasted the messages. I calmly asked him if he wanted to see other people, if he was still looking. Etc.
He said no and said that girl was crazy and typed it so it looked like messages were from him. When I asked about how she had his cell - he said she must have gotten it off FB. (except that it's not there).
The next night when I got mad and told him he needed to get out if he was going to lie to my face - he asked me to show him the messages and he pretended he had never seen them before and said a bandmates must have been using the account. (meanwhile he forgot that he had told me a month ago that there was some "crazy girl" who he was chatting with bc she liked his band and that she took it out of context and might contact me). So caught! Red handed. And then I asked if they had been talking and he said " no you want to see my phone?" and I said yes. Then he said "no there's nothing to show you." and ran in the bathro and closed the door. Refusing to speak.
I left the apt. He moved his stuff within 2 hours and sent a text "have a good life" "you wanted out. Now you have it". I guess that's the flip there.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (16 August 2011):
That's just it. A lot of people break up with other people, or ask them to move out, or end things with their partners not because they wanted to end things, but because they wanted the other party to wake up and see what they were missing and come to their senses.
You just ran into the reason WHY we don't break up unless we really don't want them back. Breaking up is a nuclear bomb on a relationship. It can never be a tool for 'working things out'.
This time, your plan backfired. This guy had one foot out the door and was trying to leave you. He was pulling away emotionally, and when you broke up with him, he was like "Okay COOL!!" and bolted as fast as his little legs could carry him. To him, you just opened the proverbial cage door and he went flying out joyfully yelling "FREEDOM!".
Moral of the story -- do not EVER tell someone to get out unless you mean it. It is no tactic for working things out. The proper thing here was to talk it out and THEN come to a conclusion you and he can live with.
This guy played you like a fiddle. Why do you think you were allowed to see his account? He wanted to break up with you, yet didn't want to seem like the bad guy, so he left that there to wind you up, and you gave him exactly what he wanted. YOU ended the relationhip.
Time to move on. No more contacting the guy. He's gone, and you're free of him.
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A
female
reader, sammy1986 +, writes (16 August 2011):
this was not your fault i would of done exactly the same thing as you did you did the right thing he was obviously not as bothered about the relationship as you were if he was he wouldnt of denied the messages and he would of tried to talk to you to try sort things out and to be honest by not returning your calls or anything sounds like he was trying to break up with you you deserve so much better than him you will meet someone who deserves your time and will want to see you and will return your calls
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (16 August 2011):
 If he loved you and wanted the relationship to work he would have fought for it - simple as that. He was clearly very happy to get out, happy to cut you off and move on very quickly, which means I'm afraid that he never really loved you or cared about you in the way you did about him.
You have had a lucky escape here - you were wasting your time with a man who didnt love you and didnt care about your relationship, someone who didnt even respect you enough to stop acting like a single man and giving out his number to other girls.
I know it will hurt and you clearly had strong feelings for him, but it was only 9 months and he treated you pretty badly, you can do a lot better than him.
Be thankful you are out of this before you got any deeper into this mess, he is not the sort of guy you want to committ to and not the sort of guy you can build a future with. You did the right thing by ending it, so keep telling yourself that and in time you will be able to move on and feel better about it all.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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