A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Please help.I'm quite mature, and I have support from my family and friends.I've always wanted a baby, since I have hit puberty, I think of what it would be like, and how hard it'd be but at the same time how wonderful it'd be. I know it costs a lot, I've done research on the subject, and I have as well made sure I was ready through many check lists, and such. I have the money, the emotional support, the loving boyfriend, and the love and respect toward children that all mothers must truly have. I'm very mature for my age, and I always have been from childhood, and I'm currently thinking about having an infant of my own. My boyfriend is quite alright with it, we are close, and he has the money as well. The only problem is, I'm only fifteen years of age, should I wait, even though I'm completely ready?
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female
reader, Tigerlily  +, writes (20 November 2009):
With maturity comes patience. What is your rush? Can I ask you WHY you want/need to have a baby right now, when you have your whole life ahead of you?
Sure, having a child and a family can be a very fulfilling life goal. But life goals aren't achieved overnight. Step one is to finish your education, gain some life experience and get a solid job/career. Step 2 is to find a good man, get married and build a strong marriage and create a sold home. Having a child and building a family is step 3.
Skipping over these other steps, relying on the good will of family and your boyfriend... that's not mature, thats selfish and taking advantage of others. Usually when people want/need something IMMEDIATELY, they are seeking to fill a need within that is aching to be filled. That's not exactly the right state of mind to be making major life decisions.
If you truly want a baby, then that's wonderful, but WAIT. Be patient. Work the steps. But if you feel like you NEED a baby right now.. then I'd ask you step back and look at your need. Is it really a baby you seek? or is the baby just a romanticized means to something else... like unconditional love, or feeling needed?
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 November 2009):
 Just out of curiousity, how much money do you have?
You've had lots of excellent advice and I second all those who advise waiting. I was just curious as to what you think is enough money to raise a child.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2009): it is your choice. i will not be nasty to you. you have done nothing wrong. and dont deserve grief. all i will say is make sure you truly do have everything a baby needs before you have one. please think about that. take care
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (20 November 2009):
 "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child...."
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (20 November 2009):
 This question is asked a lot on this site, by many girls aged between 13 and 18. And if you notice one thing they all say, it is this "I am really mature for my age" or "I am a mature 13/14/15 year old". Any teenager who will put that into their post gives a clear indication that you are too immature for a child! All teenagers think they are mature but the reality is very different!
First of the all the reason you "want" a baby is because of puberty - your hormones are running riot in your body at the moment and they are designed to make you think you want a child. As soon as you start your periods technically your body thinks it is ready to have a child, so this is an instinct that has long been built in to our bodies. The whole point of life is to reproduce, so as soon as we physically can reproduce our bodies start urging us to do so. So what you are feeling is normal however it is a phase - and you will grow out of it! Just because your hormones are raging it does not mean you have to follow them; medicine and society have come a long way and we know it is not a good idea for teens to have babies.
Here are just a few reasons why:
1. Teens have a much higher risk of complications during a pregnancy. You would be particularly susceptible to have small/underweight babies (due to your body not being developed enough to allow the baby to grow properly), premature birth and high blood pressure. Small babies are 60% more likely to have health problems and even die at birth or in the first few weeks of their lives.
2. You are still a child yourself and dont have much life experience. Think about why your parents are great and the good things about the way they brought you up - I bet a lot of it has to do with the wisdom and knowledge they were able to pass on to you. They only gained that wisdom and knowledge through experiencing life for all it has to offer, not giving up a large part of their childhood to raise children! At 15 you are just starting out in the world, you have so much left to learn and so much more growing up to do. So if you dont let yourself learn and grow fully, you wont be able to pass anything on to your children because you just havent experienced enough to know anything about the world! Surely you want to be able to offer your child as much as possible, so they grow up in an enriched environment and they become intelligent, successful people? You will be severely limiting their chances at this if you have a child now.
3. Finances. Yes your boyfriend might have some money and you think you have the financial support from your family, but is it fair to ask your family to spend all their extra cash on supporting you because you decided to get pregnant when YOU want, not when is BEST for everyone? Is this money your boyfriend has a constant, steady source of income that will last for the next 18 years minimum? Because you both wont be able to do very well at school with a baby so you can wave goodbye to ever having a career or a well paid job because you just wont have the education to allow you to be successful. Before you have a child ideally you need your own house that you own, you should have a full time job and a partner with a full time job (both with career progression opportunities). Otherwise you are going to struggle financially and I'm sure you will want to be able to give your child everything it wants/needs - so surely waiting is the right thing to do?
4. Your boyfriend. Being "quite alright" with the idea is not good enough. The amount of times on this site I have seen young teenage mums come on complaining that after having a baby, their boyfriend's have left them or started becoming more distant/lazy. Every one of them always said "during the pregnancy he was really happy and couldnt wait for the baby to come" and then after it is born they are left wondering what went wrong while they are bringing up the baby alone! I know you believe your relationship is strong but you are both too young to handle this strain on a relationship that a baby brings. If you are still together in 5 years time then hell yes you can be sure you will be pretty fine once you have a kid. But right now, you both are still maturing and growing (they say men are not fully mature until the age of 30!) and you will change a lot as people over the next 10 years or so. So if you do decide to have this baby be very prepared to be a single mum and raise this child alone - and then struggle to meet anyone in the future because no man likes a woman with baggage (especially another man's baggage!).
Funnily enough you do sound more mature than other teens that have come on here claiming they want babies (one girl even said she has 32DD breasts therefore she is ready for a baby!) but I think you know deep down that waiting until you are in your 20's is the right thing to do! Sorry if you feel any of the advice is negative or a bit harsh, but as aunts/uncles you must understand our frustration when we see so many teenagers asking the same questions and then ignoring our advice anyway.
At the end of the day you will want to give this child the best possible life, and give the child everything it wants/needs. But you cant do that while you are still a child too, and while you still have so much life yet to live. Finish school, go to college/University - get a good education and then a good job. Enjoy being young and being free - life gets so much more complicated as you get older so you really should just make the most of your teenage years as you will never get them back. Think about this - what would you think if you had a daughter and she came to you at 15 and said "mummy I want a baby" - I'm sure you would try and talk her out of it because you will know how precious being a child is, and how precious life is before responsibilities kick in.
After all, what is the harm in waiting a few years? What is the big rush to have a baby? Do the right thing, wait a while and you will be so glad you did wait.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2009): GROW UP!!
No at 15 you are not ready to have a child - I would have thought this would be obvious as by law you are still one. A child raising a child is hardly a good idea.
Maturity is relative to your age, you can be immature for your age or you can be mature for your age. A mature 15 year old is not enough, wait until you're a mature 25 year old to have a child. You will be glad you did and your child will have a much better life for it.
After all, being a parent means you put your child before everything else, including your own desires. In this case waiting until you're in your mid twenties is the best thing you can do for your child so if you're ready to be a parent you will consider this.
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A
female
reader, noelbrianna +, writes (20 November 2009):
I can help!
I graduated high school at 16, was always years more mature than all of my friends. I had been a nanny before, and I had raised my younger brother due to my mother being ill.
At 18 I became pregnant. I was a junior in college, had gone every summer, fall, winter, and spring since graduation. I had been with the same bf for almost 2 yrs. He was very supportive. I thought that everything would be fine, and that I had it all under control just as usual. I knew money wouldn't be a problem. My bf and I both lived rather luxe for young adults.
The baby came. It seemed so perfect. She seemed so perfect. But everyday it got worse. You see, no one can assure you that you will have an average, easy going, mild or moderate tempered baby. I had taken perfect care of myself. The baby was perfect. Yet, she was completely high strung. She's now 5 months old. She screams on average 18 hours a day. She rarely sleeps. I have a full time live in nanny. Support from my now husband. And help from both my retired parents. Still she is consuming to an extreme. With five adults taking care of her, we are all at our limits. None of us gets more than 4 or 5 hours of sleep. She has never been a "joy" in the normal sense. Its to the point to where when I'm taking care of her, I can not eat, sleep, shower, or have a life. Not to mention listening to screaming 24-7 is truely mentally crushing. Every single one of us breaks down at least once a week and cries, b/c we are so upset with things. My husband is about to lose his job b/c he's so out of it all the time. Even my parents who raised 3 children cannot take care of her for more than a day.
You see, you never know. You can't ever say, "I'm ready for my little angel, b/c no one can promise you he/she will be an angel."
Even if your baby has a normal temperment, your life will never be the same. You can't go and backpack through europe, or study abroad a semester. You can't complete college anywhere near as fast as before. You cannot resume a normal life, centered around your own needs for years. Most of what you need out of life will be sacrificed. At this age, you need to get a few more things out of the way. You need to concure more obstacles, b/c once a baby arrives, your own goals/life/career is frozen for a few years.
Don't get me wrong. Parenting is amazing. But in order for it to be amazing, it must be done at the proper age and stage in life. No matter how mature you are, you simply have not experienced enough. And if you have a child, you will no longer be able to experience these things. Which often leads to a life long " I always wanted to....but was never able to".
Next, you must consider the longevity of your partnership with your bf. In order for a child to thrive he/she must be raised by two adults working together for THE REST OF FOREVER! You would need to get married, and live that life for a few years, making sure that you actually can remain with the person for THE REST OF FOREVER, before considering adding a child to the mix. I AM NOT SUGGESTING YOU GO AND GET MARRIED!
I am however going to let you in own a little secret. At the age of fifteen, you are not fully developed. Between now and 25, you will do a lot of changing. You will experiment w/ different life situations and find out what works for you. Most importantly, your very being will change. You will find out who you really are, where you really want to go. Your personality and values are not quite done maturing, even if you are done maturing out of childhood. This also goes for your bf. So, you will change. He will change. Who is to say that after you both change, you will still be compatible, or able to make it work. Chances are, one of you will change into someone that the other person can not accept, b/c they loved the old person. So its unlikely he will be in your life forever, and best not to bring a child up as a single mother.
I hope you don't feel like I crushed you dreams, or was a b*tch, but I really think you need to wait. Not because society says so, or b/c you couldn't be a good mother. I am sure you will be a good mother, but in order to be the best mother, you need to wait until things are right in order to bring a prescious child into this world
Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2009): I can help!I graduated high school at 16, was always years more mature than all of my friends. I had been a nanny before, and I had raised my younger brother due to my mother being ill. At 18 I became pregnant. I was a junior in college, had gone every summer, fall, winter, and spring since graduation. I had been with the same bf for almost 2 yrs. He was very supportive. I thought that everything would be fine, and that I had it all under control just as usual. I knew money wouldn't be a problem. My bf and I both lived rather luxe for young adults.The baby came. It seemed so perfect. She seemed so perfect. But everyday it got worse. You see, no one can assure you that you will have an average, easy going, mild or moderate tempered baby. I had taken perfect care of myself. The baby was perfect. Yet, she was completely high strung. She's now 5 months old. She screams on average 18 hours a day. She rarely sleeps. I have a full time live in nanny. Support from my now husband. And help from both my retired parents. Still she is consuming to an extreme. With five adults taking care of her, we are all at our limits. None of us gets more than 4 or 5 hours of sleep. She has never been a "joy" in the normal sense. Its to the point to where when I'm taking care of her, I can not eat, sleep, shower, or have a life. Not to mention listening to screaming 24-7 is truely mentally crushing. Every single one of us breaks down at least once a week and cries, b/c we are so upset with things. My husband is about to lose his job b/c he's so out of it all the time. Even my parents who raised 3 children cannot take care of her for more than a day. You see, you never know. You can't ever say, "I'm ready for my little angel, b/c no one can promise you he/she will be an angel."Even if your baby has a normal temperment, your life will never be the same. You can't go and backpack through europe, or study abroad a semester. You can't complete college anywhere near as fast as before. You cannot resume a normal life, centered around your own needs for years. Most of what you need out of life will be sacrificed. At this age, you need to get a few more things out of the way. You need to concure more obstacles, b/c once a baby arrives, your own goals/life/career is frozen for a few years. Don't get me wrong. Parenting is amazing. But in order for it to be amazing, it must be done at the proper age and stage in life. No matter how mature you are, you simply have not experienced enough. And if you have a child, you will no longer be able to experience these things. Which often leads to a life long " I always wanted to....but was never able to". Next, you must consider the longevity of your partnership with your bf. In order for a child to thrive he/she must be raised by two adults working together for THE REST OF FOREVER! You would need to get married, and live that life for a few years, making sure that you actually can remain with the person for THE REST OF FOREVER, before considering adding a child to the mix. I AM NOT SUGGESTING YOU GO AND GET MARRIED! I am however going to let you in own a little secret. At the age of fifteen, you are not fully developed. Between now and 25, you will do a lot of changing. You will experiment w/ different life situations and find out what works for you. Most importantly, your very being will change. You will find out who you really are, where you really want to go. Your personality and values are not quite done maturing, even if you are done maturing out of childhood. This also goes for your bf. So, you will change. He will change. Who is to say that after you both change, you will still be compatible, or able to make it work. Chances are, one of you will change into someone that the other person can not accept, b/c they loved the old person. So its unlikely he will be in your life forever, and best not to bring a child up as a single mother.I hope you don't feel like I crushed you dreams, or was a b*tch, but I really think you need to wait. Not because society says so, or b/c you couldn't be a good mother. I am sure you will be a good mother, but in order to be the best mother, you need to wait until things are right in order to bring a precious child into this worldGood luck
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A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (20 November 2009):
 When I was 15, I enjoyed the freedom to go out with friends as long as my homework was done. When I was 20, I was in university, and I thought it was very difficult to keep up with my studies, but there was still time to go to a movie with my girlfriend once in a while. When I was 30 my wife and I had our first child. The child had colic. My wife and I went through the best part of a year where we ate in shifts, slept in shifts --- we didn't share a meal together, didn't sleep together, because one of us was always trying desperately to calm the baby who cried incessantly. No one who hasn't experienced a baby crying for literally months can imagine how hard it is to live with that without harming your child.That 'baby' is 16 now, and is bringing home bad-news boyfriends and crappy report cards. Sixteen plus years of my life (longer than you have been alive) have been devoted completely to this child, going to parent-teacher interviews, doing homework and school projects, attending soccer games and dance classes. We have lavished love and attention on her. Yes, there have been nice moments. But way more times of exhaustion and anguish and damned hard work. Pardon me, kiddo, but you have absolutely zero clue about what it's like to do a proper job of raising a child. It might fill a want for you, but it would be a horrid thing to do for any child you might bring into this world. You want mature advice? Get the thought of having a baby right out of your mind. For at least the next ten years.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2009): Hey!It’s a good thing you’ve done your research and have the support from family/friends.Firstly you need to think about your life, at 15 you’re still in school. Education sure is important if you want a decent job at decent wages. You say you have the money and your boyfriend does too but is that money a stable source of income? Will it help you through the years?Will you be moving out to your own house with your boyfriend? You need to consider money for food, rent, utilities, clothes, transport, for baby food, diapers, bottle, things like house maintenance, insurance, tax etc. Sure enough you’ll probably have the support of your family, perhaps financially. But if you want to have a baby, then you mustn’t rely heavily on them.How long have you been with your boyfriend? You are still young and have yet to experience more of what life throws at you. Can your relationship handle it? You won’t know until you’ve been through more of life’s experiences. You may find your lifestyle/social life changes with age and at that current time may not be suitable for having a baby.You say your boyfriend is quite alright with it....you must realise that the responsibilities don’t just lie with you but with him too. A baby is a tremendous lifelong commitment to which you can’t simply opt out of when times gets tough. Never mind at baby-age but toddler age and then as teenagers! Have a serious sitdown with him and discuss what he thinks, what he feels. What about his family? How have they responded?It’s a really good thing you’ve done your load of research. I believe the fact you have asked this question yet said you’re ready means you should definitely wait. Waiting a few years doesn’t hurt at all, it will let you discover and enjoy more of life’s experiences, it will let your relationship with your boyfriend grow even more and will give you that big step of freedom you should definitely explore first. Life can change so much in such a short amount of time. So definitely give it a few more years and see if it’s suitable to pursuing then. =)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2009): I have never come across a 15yo girl who did not think she was mature for her age.Maturity is not just having adult urges. It's being faced with those urges and handling them appropriately.The way to handle the urge to have a baby appropriately is to wait an entire 3 more years out of your 70-85 years of life, and then get pregnant when you are legally old enough to function as an adult in this society. I would tell you to wait until your brain actually stops developing and the risk/reward centers of your thought processes are fully functioning. But that's not until you're well over 20 and I know you're not gonna take that advice. So come on . . . show some of this maturity that you claim to have so much of. Wait for 18 before you conceive. It's a TINY FRACTION of your entire life we're talking about. The mature choice isn't always the one you want more.
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A
female
reader, ffogalilly +, writes (20 November 2009):
You still have a great deal of growing up to do before you even think of having children. I know you're going to do what you want, but what happens if your boyfriend decides he doesn't want to play house and be daddy at 15? Then you're stuck with a baby to raise by yourself. An infant is a little bit different from a newborn baby.
You're dreaming about something that isn't going to happen at your age.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2009): Hey!
It’s a good thing you’ve done your research and have the support from family/friends.
Firstly you need to think about your life, at 15 you’re still in school. Education sure is important if you want a decent job at decent wages.
You say you have the money and your boyfriend does too but is that money a stable source of income? Will it help you through the years?
Will you be moving out to your own house with your boyfriend? You need to consider money for food, rent, utilities, clothes, transport, for baby food, diapers, bottle, things like house maintenance, insurance, tax etc. Sure enough you’ll probably have the support of your family, perhaps financially. But if you want to have a baby, then you mustn’t rely heavily on them.
How long have you been with your boyfriend? You are still young and have yet to experience more of what life throws at you. Can your relationship handle it? You won’t know until you’ve been through more of life’s experiences. You may find your lifestyle/social life changes with age and at that current time may not be suitable for having a baby.
You say your boyfriend is quite alright with it....you must realise that the responsibilities don’t just lie with you but with him too. A baby is a tremendous lifelong commitment to which you can’t simply opt out of when times gets tough. Never mind at baby-age but toddler age and then as teenagers! Have a serious sitdown with him and discuss what he thinks, what he feels. What about his family? How have they responded?
It’s a really good thing you’ve done your load of research. I believe the fact you have asked this question yet said you’re ready means you should definitely wait. Waiting a few years doesn’t hurt at all, it will let you discover and enjoy more of life’s experiences, it will let your relationship with your boyfriend grow even more and will give you that big step of freedom you should definitely explore first. Life can change so much in such a short amount of time. So definitely give it a few more years and see if it’s suitable to pursuing then. =)
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A
male
reader, lazyman87 +, writes (20 November 2009):
WAIT!for a start sex at your age is illegal. you have a childhood to enjoy, give it a couple of years at least.
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