A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm going to keep this simple. My problems with my fiance's family are on-going. One example of these problems occurred during one of his sister's birthday parties. She decided to call me a cunt for no reason. She humiliated me in front of her guests. Her brother acted like he didn't hear her. This was one of many problems I have his family. I don't know if I can go through with this marriage. His lack of actions has messed with my head and self worth. I am so lost right now. I don't like feeling this way. Help.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 January 2012):
 Hehe. Sort of a " Taxi Driver " thing : " Are you talking to me. Are YOU talking to me ?? ".
It's not as bad as I thought. She was DRUNK . That does not excuse her behaviour , but it explains it. Some people are affectionate drunks " I luv ya , you're my best pal "... some are belligerant drunks that look for reasons to pick a fight. You handled it very well by yourself. Leaving without a confrontation first, then asking her why later when she was sober. Maybe she really did not remember , more probably she did, and was ashamed , that's why she tried to spin it on you. You could have said - or can say if there's a next time, but hopefully not : " Exactly. I am sensitive . I don't like being insulted or called names . It is not acceptable to me. . If it happens again I will now you are doing it on purpose to hurt me ". Say it deadpan,looking at her face. Not whiny, not confrontational. Sort of with a Christopher Walken face, just to stay with cinema examples :). That should get your message across and nip the problem in the bud hopefully, unless she is really a major bitch.
Probably your bf's family does not dislike you, they just have a different sense of boundaries, maybe they are that kind of people that feel ,once you are family, they can tell you whatever, they don't need to stand on ceremony. I.e..... yes, rude people, sigh.
But if does not get worse than that, you are totally capable to handle it yourself , leaving your fiance' out. He may be a bit of a coward, - then again, who'd want to be drawn in between in an argument between his spouse and his sibling. Very uncomfortable position, let's make allowance for that, and again, you can handle this stuff, call on him only if the rudeness should really escalate.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your responses. I'll give you details about this situation. We meet her at her birthday gathering in LA. I thought we were "friends." His sister and I...cause we had been attending each others events pretty frequently. We had never been in an argument, or quarrel. We hadn't been at her gathering to long. I noticed she was drunk. It was a Vodka bar, and I pretty much expected that too happen. I giggled a little at that fact she was buzzed already. She noticed and said; "are you laughing at me cunt." That was that...it was loud...in front of her friends...and I was like WTH? I asked her immediately, did you just call me a cunt? Twice. She didn't answer me. His family tends to dismiss me when they feel like it. Then they tell me I'm to sensitive. Anyways, I thought, I don't want to make a scene at her bday party, but I knew I needed to address this situation. No one has ever called me that word. So we left...A few days later, I called her. I was super nervous, because I'm not used to addressing problems with his family. He says there is no use. It will never end. Yes, he's a coward. Anyway, I called her and asked her why she called me that word. She said she didn't remember, but she was probably playing and by-the-way...that was a term her and her middle school classmates used. She chuckled at how "sensitive" I was being again. I hate when they spin it on me like that...That is what happened with that situation.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 January 2012):
 If he can't stand up for you now, you really think he will once you wear a ring? Seems to me he takes THEIR side over yours, that doesn't bode well for the future.
Honestly, you need to stand up for yourself. Next time she talks trash - walk out of there , why would you stay at a party where you are being ridiculed and verbally abused? to HER amusement?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (9 January 2012):
I feel that to tell you anything helpful we should know a bit more about the background.
For instance, you say that your problems with his family have been ongoing , then you say that his sister called you a c... " for no reason ". Well, not exactly. Mind you, I don't mean that she was right ,not at all !- I don't imply that you had given her any motivation to call you names, and anyway it's never right to insult people, and in front of guests too. What I mean is that it must not have been out of the clear blue sky, there must have been strife or miscommunication about something. What ? What do you argue about ? How long is this been going on ? Do you seek reconciliation, or do you want them out of your life ? Do you feel your husband is responsible for this state of things, and why ?
Maybe your husband simply wanted to avoid triggering a big scene in front of guests. Maybe he takes his family's side, or he does not ,but can't afford to cause a permanent break with them. Maybe he should take his sister aside and give her a piece of his mind, or perhaps the situation is so far gone that the best thing is just to avoid joining their family celebrations. But in lack of further details, there's no ready made advice.
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A
female
reader, Emily20  +, writes (9 January 2012):
 The truth of these matter is simple,he cant stand up for you,and eny man that cant defend his woman does not deseves her,if he can't tell his sister now that what she is doing is wrong,think of when you are marriade my dear you will be all alone,is that what you want,in life,a man that can not stand up for you,you really need to make your decision right,because your man is suppose to be your superman,your warrior,and one thing if your mans family does not like your and your man can not stand for you,what are you still waiting for,you really have to sit your man down,ask him why he can defand you,if he does not give you a better explanation,girl let it go,you will have some that will and can claim just the highest mountain just for you,now play your ball well,where you deside to kick is all in your mind.goodluck.
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