A
female
age
36-40,
*nanicky
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half, he recently proposed and I said yes. Only problem is he won't get rid of pictures of him and his ex girlfriend. They had many issues, he said they would break up and get back together, that happened for five years. He even proposed to her and she said no. Well now he says he's over her and loves me, he said he would get rid of them but just hasn't had time to go through the pics. I know this is an excuse because 6 months later they are still there! And when I ask about it he gets mad and doesn't want to talk about it . If he really loved me wouldn't he just throw them out ?
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female
reader, Smileypants +, writes (4 May 2011):
 Well, another no hun. Sorry! This is the thing: he's with YOU now!! I agree with the other posters that if the pix are out on display, or naked pictures then I could see the problem. He had a life before he met you. So did you! I bet you still have pictures of an ex(s) somewhere. Their relationship failed, and its part of what he brought to the table when he met you. Love him for ALL of him, not just the part where he adores you. He's a person with different layers, and memories like the rest of us. I still have pictures of me and my ex husband kissing and being silly when we were 18. Our 15 year old son has them all now. I'd say, be a sweety to your guy. Go buy/make a cute shoebox type thing and give it to him for pictures and mementos like this. Let him put the box somewhere out of the way and live your life with him. Im sure he'll be relieved you're gonna drop it :o)Remember...you are *marrying* this man. You two have a whole life and maaaaany years ahead of you to either fuss and fight or have a good life. There will be times you need his understanding, times when he needs yours. Pick your battles- this isn't worth making a stand over.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (4 May 2011):
 I think it depends on where they are, but I pretty much agree with the rest in saying no, he shouldn't have to automatically throw them away to prove his love unless...1. The pictures are nudes. That's just gross and creepy to keep an ex's nude pictures when you have someone new. They should be thrown out or deleted. No trophy nude pics.2. They're out on display as some sort of "shrine". A 12"x16" on the wall of the two of them, or he's keeping them in his wallet, or next to his alarm clock in his bedroom, or as the profile picture on his Facebook. Then, I wouldn't recommend throwing them out, but putting them wherever he keeps his photos out of your sight.Otherwise, you can't rush it. You'll have to trust that he's over his ex unless his current actions prove otherwise.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2011): If you really loved him...you would respect ALL chapters of his life and realise that in some way we are all linked and play our parts in eachothers life. Maybe you could buy him a gift, a special box to put them away in a safe place.
spunky monkey
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A
female
reader, Battista  +, writes (3 May 2011):
No.Having photos of your past has nothing to do with how much you love a current partner. I don't see how the two are related, except that you want him to throw them out. In this case the real question is:Wouldn't he just do what I want/let me have my own way if he really loved me?And that is a very slippery slope to get onto.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (3 May 2011):
 I'll add another NO to this pile. Really, you're being insecure and controlling. Like the others said, if he's not looking at them all the time, then drop it. I have pics of all my exes, and if a GF demanded I get rid of them, she'd be my next ex. Have some respect for his past, it's what made him the man you claim to love.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2011): Actually no OP, he shouldn't throw out his memories because you want him to. If he has them somewhere still in sight then he should put them in a box and store them. But that is his life and she is a part of his past. It's not fair for you to demand he get rid of them.Forgive me for being blunt OP but this - "If he really loved me wouldn't he just throw them out?" is a very petty ploy and it's emotional blackmail. I would do the exact opposite of what a girl asks me to do if she ever pulled that "If you really loved me" crap. Do you always question his love for you when he doesn't cede to your demands?He's with you, not her. Those pictures have no bearing on anything unless he still has a picture of the two of them on his bedside table or something like that.If I were you I'd respect his wishes and respect his decision to keep some mementos of his past. You may want to have a think about how you handled this too OP. You have no right to demand such things just because you feel insecure. I'd have a serious think about how you approach to things like this too. That "If you really loved me" stuff gets very old, very quick. There's only so much a person will give to another who consistently questions their love for them when they don't get their own way.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 May 2011):
 No I actually disagree with you here. Ok i know it is not nice knowing that your boyfriend has pictures of him and his ex but if they are stored away somewhere and he is not always sitting looking at them well then I dont see the problem. At the end of the day she was a big part of his life and those photos are memories for him, something he can look back on in many years to come and laugh about old times. I honestly dont think that you have the right to ask him to bin them as they are his memories and make him who he is now.
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