| A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: i need help. my fiance and i just planned to get married. everything goes so well, i mean we went through many obstacles all the way here. but then he mentioned he would want threesome with me and another girl occasionally. i can't handle it. but he persisted to have it, and try to persuade me it will only strenthen our relationship and make love better. but i feel sick. i can't stand he with another woman even he said only for phisical excitement. i love him to death, but threesome is out the boundary, i can't stand a third person involved in our relationship.what can i do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (4 May 2011):
 hi
3somes are rarely a good idea. they are NEVER a good idea when one person doesn't want it. the fact that you have told him you are not up for it and he is still trying to persuade you to change your mind speaks absolute volumes about him!!
if he wants to have another woman to get his physical excitement he may decide to do that whether you are present or not, so be careful! i know you won't wanna hear this but, he does not sound like marriage material to me.
simply put - you want a husband who doesn't want 3somes. he wants a wife who does. so one of you is gonna have to change their belief system to suit the other one OR you can scrap the relationship now and both go your separate ways to find partners who are RIGHT for you both
xx
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 May 2011):
 if you've told him NO and he won't accept and respect that then the only thing you can do is break the engagement.
this is a deal breaker.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 May 2011):
 Total Deal breaker there! The engagement and wedding would be off. He can go screw a 100 girls all at once for all I care, I wouldn't accept that from a guy I am about to marry, HECK no.
Sorry.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2011): If he isnt prepared to commit himself fully to you, he shouldnt really be getting married to you. For whats the point? He wants to play the field and have you participate because he needs sexual excitement. Thats an insult right there. He should be nuts about you, fancy the pants off you and want to protect you from hurt, not cause it! Maybe you need to ask him to decide if monogamy is something he can commit to or not. Because if it isnt, you will have to seriously consider whether he is someone you feel comfortable dating, let alone marrying.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (4 May 2011):
 Deal breaker. But if you decide to go through with the marriage you'd best have the "forsaking all others" taken out of your vows.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2011): So, he wants your permission to have sex with another woman after you're married? And he's telling you you're not enough to fulfill his "physical excitement" desires? You can't be in a marriage with someone who has a completely different value system from you. I would leave now.
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A
male
reader, Dough +, writes (4 May 2011):
Leave him. If he refuses to respect your wishes, you can either yield or end the relationship. Any other choice and you'll end up on a long dark path.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2011): Tell him how you feel, and if he isn't willing to sacrifice that and still be happy, it may be better if you both just go your own ways. Would you really be happy in a relationship feeling sick every time he brought up the topic?
Ultimately your well-being will be affected here, and making a life-changing decision like marriage without discussing this thoroughly could be pretty disastrous.
Alternatively, have you given thought to asking him how he'd feel about a threesome involving another man? If this floats your boat it may be an even trade off - or you could just see how he reacts to it and decide whether this is the person you thought you were in a relationship with all along.
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