A
female
age
36-40,
*onelygurl
writes:So my finace hasent had sex with me in 4 months. I catch him allthe time watching porn getting off but he wont sleep with me. He saids hes just not in the mood,before wr had sex a few times a day. Then I had a baby and in went to once a week now nothing. I feel as tho its because I gained weight be he says that not the reason. I just dont know what to do I have needs he doesnt even cuddle anymore.. Is he cheating I dont know what to think or do
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (10 June 2011):
 I doubt the weight has anything to do with it. I know for me it was all about worry that that area had been so traumatized, I was concerned about her pain levels, so I chose to abstain. Maybe he's concerned you will be hurt ?
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (7 June 2011):
 This sounds like a classic.
It is wrong to fuck mommy.
Your a mommy now.
Something came out of you in a scene that makes Alien look like a disney flick.
Lot of men have trouble dealing with it. Think of it as eating an egg, when you have seen one being laid. Ewh!
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A
male
reader, freeme +, writes (7 June 2011):
 There is definitely a change in the sex drive for many men after a newborn. I'm not sure forcing the issue is going to make things better for you.
You have to make him desire you again without trying to hard.
You should definitely tell him that him watching porn around you is offensive to you. Unless...
Another angle might be for you to sit down next to him at the computer and ask him if there are any porn sites with "hot guys". If he sees you getting turned on by watching other men, this might just fire him up and get him going.
Of course at that point you will need to be careful to make sure you ween him off the porn over a few months and into the bedroom for hot action.
He either needs to respect you as a person and not watch this stuff around you if it offends you, or you need to take action and join his little porn fantasy's and pull him back into the reality which is YOU. Good Luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2011): Hi there. Sorry to hear this, it sounds painful for you. My bf does not always want to have sex with me but four months is a while. I dont think it means he's cheating. He has however, lost his desire for you. Can I ask, was he at the birth, because I've heard that that can stop a man wanting to have sex with their partner, when they see the baby come out. Sometimes on a psychological level, when a woman has a baby, he no longer sees her as his lover, she has become a mother. I know that sounds deep, and I may be way off, and he may not even know he feels this way as it can be subconscious. Also, if you have put on weight, you may want to think about starting an exercise regime and diet as I know how that feels. I had a partner who had out on weight once, and as much as I loved him, I didnt feel very sexual towards him cos I like skinny guys, thats just my preference.
Try not to worry yourself; most couples stop having sex at some point for one reason or another, and having a baby is a pretty good reason, it's kind of normal.
Me and my bf are going through a rough time and we dont do it much at the moment and when we do it's not great, and it used to be amazing.
Try and 'stick with it'. I'm sure this time will pass and it will be okay. You could try to talk to him gently again, or how about you get a babysitter, get dolled up and go for a nice meal togther, try to get some romance back? When was the last time you did something nice togther? Once he's had a couple of glasses of wine he may open up to you more? Good luck.
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