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age
36-40,
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writes: my boyfriend and i have been together for a year now. he recently just asked me to marry him...i was shocked, surprised and happy. but now im questioning it. for a year its been me begging for sex. i enjoy sex, its a stress relief and it feels good. im only 24. i was married to a man who rather watch me beg for sex and jack off to porn rather than do me. itll be weeks even months before we had sex. finally got fed up with arguing and just ended it. im not ugly all my female friends say they wish they were as pretty as me , im skinny, no too skinny so that its gross but enough to have a little meat. im 120lbs if that says much. i have small boobs, which i hate but i deal with it. but now my new man is almost doing the same thing. i have to admit every two-three days is better than weeks lr months but it seems like a routine a chore to him. we have not once had sex on a holiday..hes always tired, or sick or has a headache. i work...he doesnt, he cooks, cleans babysits, i work all day five -six times a week, but yet none of the headaches or sickness stops me from wanting to have sex. i try, ive tried to talk to him, ive tried walking around naked ive done what he says turns him on, boy shorts and perfume. even that didnt work. now, lately i have to cry or beg to get action. he says he loves me, he wants me, hes wants sex.....then why....why dont we?? i dont get it. he never seems excited to do it, its like oh its been 2 days its time....never the oh man she looks hot i wanna screw her brains out.....i feel like crap. i dont get it. i feel like its me, that maybe people lie and im ugly, that im not good enough in bed, although everyone else in my past never complained, they always came back for more. im just sick of begging, sick of feeling like shit. i love him, we get along, we have fun we dont argue except about sex, the only thing. i just dont know anymore......help???????!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell update...its okay. we kind of talked, i asked him how i can be such a turn on but yet you dont wanna have sex. then he brought up me wearing more revealing clothes, i mention that i do. i dont have huge knockers, so i can only be so reavealing as to not show my bra to the world, actually i am quite small chested, low b. but i show as much as possible, i have a butt atleast, and i take full advantage of that, nothing that looks painted on or nothing that flattens me out, i even walk around in my underwear and a basically see thru tank or nothing at all, it didnt seem to phase him....so that was mentioned. he said perfume turned him on, so he got me some he likes and still nothing...i mentioned that. i just pretty much said i give up...i dont know what else to do but be like your exes who u had no problem having sex with....the ones who cheated on him, the ones who cheated got pregnant and he still had sex with while they were six months or more pregnant with the baby of the guy they cheated on him with and were still to that day having sex with....said i can be like that if thats what i have to do. i really wouldnt though. i respect relationships and have some morals and i def have self respect. then pointed out his best friend, whose married whose wife hasnt had sex with him in months....said that hes been trying too hook up with other girls....just imagine me feeling like he is. but we talked, i asked him to just explain. well we came to an agreement that he is just so use to the relationships he was in, hes not use to someone like me. faithful, honest, clean. non psychotic. he said sex everyday, but honestly yeah sounds nice but i wont do the everyday, its not just the sex, its him WANTING sex, wanting me, showing me he enjoys it rather than it being a routine or seem like a chore. and change it up. new positions....something. doeant mean hes a freak....just same thing all the time...well im sure you know that overtime it gets boring. and he said he enjoys a little making out, just has to get use to it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2010): I dont think ist anything to do with you, but more to do with him. He could have a low sex drive, if he's always been like this then he's just never been that much into having sex as often as you want it. There's nothing wrong with you and there are men out there who would meet your sexual desires and needs, but they might not be as great boyfriends as the guy you have right now. However sex is important in a relationship, and if he's already doing less often that what you'd wish, he's not going to change and want it more often later on. You have to be the judge: can you live the rest of your life knowing sex will not be as often as you want it?
I think he's just not into it. Could be a mood thing, or maybe he has a twisted view on sex that you could talk him out of, but most likely this is just his level of comfort, and he doesnt need sex more often than what he's having right now. Perhaps strike a deal with him on how he can have sex with you without having to do much of an effort himself (maybe he can watch you masturbate or help you with your vibrator if he doesn't feel like having an orgasm himself, he can at least help you get one? Or at least be present while you get one so you feel intimate with him?).
Maybe you can do other intimate things without intercourse (kissing is a type of sex in a way). A lot of our desire to have sex steams from the desire to be intimate with one another. You could do a routine of showering together every Saturday morning? Or sleep naked every Friday night, have a make-out session for at least 10-15 minutes before dinner?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe doesnt do much, its a small apartment. he fills the dishwasher and vaccuums, laundry sometimes. otherwise i empty dishwasher and do bathroom, most of time laundry, we cook together. how can he be tired. i get home from work and then its me playing with my daughter, helping woth homework. while hes sitting around watching tv. i dont see how im such a turn on but showing me a little appreciation and stress relief is so hard, specially if hes supposedly getting sumthing out of it...claims its amazing sex. but last night after four days of no sex i got fed up and mentioned something....so i thought he was gonna do it, nope he went down on me then just left. kinda made me feel like shit. silent treatment then this morning i just exploded, after months of holding my feelings in, due to not wanting to irritate him by mentioning it, yeah i just exploded. told him that i make him feel like hott stuff while i feel like a pile of shit...and gave him ring back, said to give it to someone hes excited about having sex with, willing to have sex with. about three hours later he mauled me. said its not fair and he needs to stop letting small things distract him while im working my ass off and stressing about bills and a babysitter come spring. hopefully it stays this way.
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A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (16 February 2010):
 You will have almost daily sex from this boy friend, just follow following steps.
1.Ask him to do daily morning/joging for 45 minutes, without fail.
2.He may be suffering tiredness, due to lack of some vitamins, take a physical check up, and complete course prescribed by doctors.
3.And, do daily foreplay without ejaculation. Make decision, ejaculatory sex only once in a week, but non-ejaculatory daily, or two three times a day...and check how much hardness he achieve during foreplay.
4. Take it as a daily exercise, to make his erection hard for longer to longer period...and check how much pleasure mind observe from occasion to occasion.
YOU WILL BE SURPRISE TO SEE YOUR SEX LIFE.
ALL THE BEST.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (16 February 2010):
This is interesting. Have you ever read about all those housewives who do all that work at home, and their husbands then complain that they're not into sex. What's happening here is the reverse of that. Your boyfriend is tired. He does love you, he does want you and such. He's just exhausted. So I would suggest asking what you can do to help him a bit more. Stop blaming yourself, it's not you. He's told you what it is, and you're looking for other reasons that don't exist. He's just tired.
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