A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My fiancé and I had been together for what would've been six years in November; since we were 15. While he was on leave from the Air Force, he proposed five months ago and we set the date for 11/11/11. Which, coincidentally, would have been our seven year anniversary.He joined the Air Force three years ago and I initially wanted to get married then but he and I were just starting to talk about the possibility of that life-long commitment. We were both finished with high school but we had four years of doing our own things ahead of us and I was afraid he'd leave me for some skank in the military.Now I realize what pitiful thoughts those were. Because two months ago, he was killed by a car bomb in Afghanistan. When I found this out, my first reaction was, "God damned military. Now my son will never meet his father."That's right, I'm five months pregnant (conceived the night he proposed). All I want to know is: Will I ever be able to get over something so heart-stopping that the only reason you're living is to see what's growing inside you come out?
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female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (3 October 2010):
 No one really ever gets over a loss, we grieve, we anger, and one day we realize it gets a little number and we eventually move on. But, we always have a piece of our heart missing...and we always think of what was taken from our lives. Your child is a gift more precious than anything, he was created from the love between you and the man you loved. There's a part of your fiance that will always be with you. For your child, you need to live. Not go through the motions of life but really live. But, right now, it's ok to grieve, to be angry. Keep a journal, write down your every thought and feelings, memories of your fiance-pouring your heart out like this lightens its heaviness. Talk to other women who have been/are in your situation, they will give you the understanding that will help carry you through this sadness. Your son's love for you and your unconditional love for him will help you heal. And through you, he can know his father...Best wishes to you and son
A
male
reader, Jeffro1977 +, writes (3 October 2010):
People often find excuses for things when there life presents them with a tragedy. Everyone has the ability to make certain things more important then others. The answer is to stop seeing yourself within the tragedy. Pretend for a moment that its happening to someone else, someone you really love like your mom or best friend, then take a moment to figure out what you would say to them. Everyone has there own answers.
I know that if I died I would want my finance to find peace in her heart, and to go find the best life possible.
So no feeling guilty about letting the weight go.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (3 October 2010):
 Hon, what's growing inside of you is part of him. The child is an expression of the love you two had together. Everything you're thinking and feeling right now -- the loss, the resentment -- that's normal and natural. I'm sure it's no consolation to know that all too many women have walked your path before. But perhaps you can connect with some of those women, through the Legion for example. One of those women can give you a better shoulder than we can.
Take care of yourself, and his child.
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A
female
reader, heartbrokenalways  +, writes (3 October 2010):
im really sorry for you're loss, i have lost close people dear to me in my life and it really isnt easy. all you want to do is lose the plot and say bugger it, but of course it isnt the best of ideas. i think that your unborn child will need extra love and hugs when it arrives because of this tragedy , so its important for you to keep strong and see your partner live on through the baby. i hope it all works out for you :) xx
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