A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi Guys I need some much needed advice, sorry this is soo long winded just need to get all the facts in to get the best advice that may change my life....I met the girl of my dreams 3 years ago and it was basically love at first sight after going out for about 9 months we got engaged to get married, I bought a flat and we lived together things were going pretty well until she got in to a bit of a mess with money owing the bank and me a lot of money, we would argue quiet a lot over silly things and mainly money... She started a new job in November and started hanging out with a new group of friends and met a guy called Lee, she used to see him quite a bit and it didn't bother me until it turned in to almost every day, on one occasion she saw him on a friday/saturday/sunday and monday evening... not just the two of them but a few others down the pub, I spoke to her about it it and asked please can we spend some time together and she said okay i have been out a lot recently so the next day she said she will cook dinner for me and her and have a nice evening at home.. when i get home she has invited him for dinner!....Saturday came and she went out with some mates including him I didn't go as i was ill, she came home at 4am and came to bed the next morning i was up and about and at 10am some one tried to open my front door but it was locked i went to open it and see who it was and it was Lee returning a ring of mine which my fiancée lost in the pub this really worried me now who is he trying to open my front door and walk into my house!?!...Later that evening i sat down and spoke to my fiancée about my concerns and she turned round and said I haven't loved you for a while and I have feelings for this guy and she left me...I was completely heartbroken and in a right state for a few weeks, all this time i still loved her deep down.. Anyway its been 6 weeks now and i saw her last week and it felt like love at first sight again... and she txt me asking to meet the next day and i did she told me that she still loves me and has made the biggest mistake of her life and would i ever take her back...iv met her a couple of times and we have spoken alot about what happened and it all seems clearer and i do love her and she loves me arkward thing is she works with this guy still and she is telling him soon that she is back with me... Can I trust her? Will this work, does she deserve a second chance?Please help :)
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (12 January 2012):
 Yep what Ciar said... NO CONTACT...
I'm so sorry.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (12 January 2012):
 You don't tell Lee anything. That would make you look small and spiteful.
You cut all contact with her, block her phone and email and never speak to her again. Do your grieving in private.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI guess you were all right, it was all lies....telling me she made the biggest mistake of her life and wanting me back, saying she loves me soo much wants to be with me for ever and really wants me back and has no feelings for this guy "Lee".... After sleeping with me the other day and then saying If I fall pregnant Id love to have a kid with like like we discussed last year.... I asked her its me or him and she chose him.. Im such an idiot What do i do know? Do i tell him that shes a cheating liar? Do I Leave it? How do I get over this I feel soo depressed right now I dont know what to do... :(
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks all for your comments I have taken some of you advice and will let you know the outcome.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 January 2012):
I"m a very loving and forgving person and I do not have issues with physical infidelity but this was beyond that.
Will you ever trust her?
if she is late coming home one night won't you think she's with someone else?
I can see why everyone is saying don't give her another chance BUT here's my odd take on it..
you are both young and have been together a while.... the younger we are the stupider we are and the more stupid mistakes we make
folks do learn from their mistakes.... I know that I have a fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me rule.
the issue is, will they continue the "bad" behavior?
is this "buyer's remorse" or is she really sorry...
will it happen again?
if you are willing to take the CHANCE that she's telling the truth and has truly learned from the experience you might want to test the waters....
ONLY you can maek this choice.
me if i truly loved someone that much I would probably give them a second chance but they would have to be so freaking perfect and beyond reproach it might be too stressful for both of us.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 January 2012):
 She is using you for a security blanket. I don't think she will stop looking for someone "better" ( not that she will find one, but you know what I mean.), but she will find another Lee at some point and make YOU seem like the bad guy..
I think she is playing you and your emotions.
No way, shape or form would I forgive and forget and take her back.
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A
male
reader, JakeChaucer +, writes (11 January 2012):
Im a guy, from US. Honestly DONT TAKE HER BACK. Your her plan B lee dident work out then she comes back to you! It may be love at first sight for you but not her, she cheated on you lied and ran off with another guy and came back when it dident work out with a sob story. This will happen again. Dont make that mistake. It happened to me I took her back now were divoreced and im remarried. Trust me MATE.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2012): In the movies it might work out but in the real world the cold hard facts suggest it will never work.
She had her chance with you and she blew it.
Now she wants you back so am guessing her flings' over or the grass wasn't greener..he's probably got no respect for her because of the way she treated you. Whatever.
No, she doesn't love you, she loves herself. You deserve somebody you can trust, who treats you how you deserve to be treated. Get back with this one and you will never sleep easy again.Don't listen to her empty words, actions speak louder.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (11 January 2012):
I agree wholeheartedly with Cerberus. Every word.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2012): Ignore your emotions for a minute, completely step out of this situation and read your question like it was someone else. What would you say to that person?
"I haven't loved you in a while" and she left you for a guy she hardly knew. Can you trust her? No and I don't care how many people will tell you their magical stories of how they left their partner and then realized they loved them and went back. It's 100% unacceptable. She cheated on you, doesn't love you, dumped you and then comes crawling back because Lee is shit in bed, has a tiny willy or whatever reason it didn't work out.
"Will this work?" It might, but what's to say she won't do it again? She doesn't love you and if she does love you then she just threw all that away on a whim. How is that love?
"Does she deserve a second chance?" What has she done to deserve that second chance? OP how the fuck can you trust a woman who says she's going to tell this guy she'sback with you and to back off only after she found out if you were willing to do that? She's hedging her bets OP, she's not in love with you or A. this never would have happened. B. As soon as she realized this was a mistake she would have left the job, told him to fuck off and only then come back to you but she didn't. Se's kept him there in case you refused, do you not see what she's doing?
She doesn't deserve anything yet, from this point on she has to earn her chances. She has to prove herself OP and words just aren't enough.
I would never take back a girl like that, she would't even get to speak to me ever again. She made her choice and that choice wasn't you. Bye bye, have fun with Lee.
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