A
female
age
36-40,
*atiec
writes:Hi, I don't really know what to say.. A bit of background on this situation.My husband (married for 2 and a half years) and I met in Hawaii in 06 and he immediately fell in love with me. I didn't have feelings for him for about a year. His brother came to Hawaii while he was gone and durning that time his brother and I started liking each other. My husband and I were not even dating at the time but he liked me. My husbands brother and I flirted a lot and saw each other every day for about 5 months. One night we messed around a bit and ever since then we were very careful because I knew it would kill my husband if he found out me and his brother were in a relationship. Ever since then his brother and I have not done anything or even flirted but I know deep down we still have strong feelings for each other. In the past year my feelings for him have gotten even stronger and I don't know what to do. I have communicated with my husband on this and he has been really supportive but I recently stopped talking to him because I felt that I was only hurting him more. I feel the only way to deal with this is to openly talk to my husbands brother and be honest. I want to get it out in the open and make it all go away. I do not ever want to cheat on my husband as he is the most amazing husband ever. How can you love 2 people at once? I feel like I am betraying my husband even though I have never done anything to do so since we have been together. Anyone have a similar situation? Please do not be rude. If you have nothing nice to say please don't say it. Thank you.
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affair, fell in love, flirt Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Sara181204  +, writes (19 November 2009):
I know how you feel, I am also in love with my BIL and I have been for 3,5 years.
This is really hard. I don't know what the answer is but if you think sharing your feelings with me may help, even if it's just to vent feel free to contact me directly and we can chat. Sometimes just knowing somebody is going through the same and sharing feelings may help a little.
Good luck!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2009): You want both and you don't want to hurt anyone.
REALITY:You're married so cool it with BIL or you've yourself to blame for destroying the bliss of your marriage.
It's easy to love, what's hard is self-control when the treats and attention are so sweet.
TL-DR COOL IT OR LOSE IT.
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A
male
reader, called Steve +, writes (21 October 2009):
 By talking to your brother in-law, all you will do is affirm your feelings - that is bad whether those feelings are mutual or not.
Sometimes we make decisions in our lives that; with hindsight we would have made differently. But, please dont forget that you mainly see your BIL in a Guest/Host type situation, you see your Husband (warts and all!) in all his glory! Your BIL would likely not be the perfect partner, once you took off those RTG's (Rose Tinted Glasses) and saw him (warts and all!).
Grass is rarely greener on the other side of the fence - concentrate on your marriage, put your BIL firmly in the past and move on for your husbands sake.
Steve
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A
female
reader, sunnycomet  +, writes (20 October 2009):
 You are understand the situation and you already seem like you know what to do. Talk to your husband's brother and clear it up. Then you need to get over him.
You will be much happier in the long run.
Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2009): oh dear...what have you got yourself in to....you didnt fancy your husband but you did his brother. that is such an awful situation i am sorry to hear. i think you were right to not discuss it with ur hubby as he may not understand. i wouldnt recommend cheating on him with his brother either as that will cause a huge rift with the family. so what to do eh? well i would advise trying to get over the brother but i have an awful feeling that you like his brother more than you like your husband...i am so sorry to say it but you had that spark with the brother and it took you like a year to even like your husband, that has to mean somethin doesnt it. i think you need to make yourself happy once you take everyone else out the equastion i hope you will find the answer.my ex and i got together cos he fancied me and i was flattered!! it took me ages to really like him back and i think i only liked him back through convenince...it is awful to say but it happens.i wish you all the best.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (20 October 2009):
It's not that you're in love with his brother. What you see are the things in him that your husband doens't have. You mustn't say anything, because if you do, this will get a lot worse. Instead, really focus on your marriage. Remember all the good things about your husband, and focus on them. Is there perhaps something in your own marriage that is missing? Ask yourself all these questions and really think about it. Good luck.
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