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female
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anonymous
writes: my bf of over 2years joined the army, he has been in basic training for just over 2weeks now and im struggling to deal with this, i understand that he gets shouted at all day and when he rings home it should be an escape from everything but i have days when i cant cope with it, all i wana do is cry and yes i have broken down a few times whilst on the fone, when this happens we end up in an arguement bcoz he tells me to stop crying, i just feel he is being very inconsiderate and ive told him this but he want change, he never used to be like this and i dont understand why he has started, if i cant get sympathy from my bf, the man who is causing me this pain where can i get it from? my family try but they dont understand what im going through and dont help much.please give me some help as to what i can do im hurting so much, i miss him so much! please help me xXx Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2006): i thought that a relationship was about loving each other and being there for each other and doing what it takes to please each other, as you are still with him it seems as though you are trying to deal with your bf going in the army but i think you are struggling, exactly what is your bf doing for you? to me it seems not alot. if i were in ure situaion i would have been out the door along time ago, to me it seems he has chosen something that splits u up for long periods of time which i think means the army is more important to him than you im soz if that sounded harsh but i think my honest opinion will be a better help but then it is only my opinion i think you need to listen to both your heart and your head and decide yourself, only you truely know if you can cope with this situation, hope it all works out for you let us know how u get on
xXx hope i help
A
female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (14 June 2006):
 I suggest you look at this from his perspective.
This is obviously his dream to be in the army but he obviously loves you very much if he is with you still.
The army is REALLY REALLY hard, especially in the first few weeks and after a long, hard day of running around, being yelled at, excercise, problem solving etc, he no doubt thinks about how nice it would be to hear your voice.
So he calls you as a break and as a escape and he gets confronted with tears.
Do you think how this might make him feel sad but also probably VERY guilty? How it makes him think that you are a wreck at home?
I know you are upset and missing him and want to cry but imagine how he feels after a long day to be confronted with feelings of guilt and sadness when he rings you when in reality he is looking for some fun and cheerfullness.
The army is obviously his chosen path and as harsh as this may seem, you have two options.
(a) deal with it - its his dream and a bit of support for him would probably be nice. I'm sure that he would love to ring you up and hear you tell him that you are proud of him and proud that he is following his dream and sticking to it.
or
(b) find someone else who is not in the army. If you seriously cannot deal with him being away perhaps its time you found someone whose lifestyle is more what you are after.
This guy of yours has a dream and he is following it. Don't make him feel bad for that. You should be proud of him and if you can't handle it, get out!
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A
female
reader, auntie claire +, writes (13 June 2006):
 dear reader. you say you have been with your b/f for over 2 years so you must have known he was going to go into the army or at least thinking about it. i knwo its hard to adapt to changes in your life but you should feel proud of him it takes a lot of courage to do what he is doing. i'm not say don't get upset now he has gone but try and think of the positive things and enjoy the time you speak to him the change in him is going to be well noticed it's a whole different world what his doing so next time he phones you try to talk about all the good that you have done and listern to what he is saying. being shouted at all day can take its toll on anyone do when he speaks to you he wants to hear all the nice things to take his mind off his hard days. i understand you miss him terribly, but i bet he misses you just as much so try not to give him a hard time make plans of what you would like to do when you see him next give him somehting to look forward . make the best of what you have got he won't be gone forever and yes he may have changed a lot when he comes back but his still the same man you got with 2 years ago probably just a bit tougher take the rough with the smooth it does get easierall the best to you if you need anything or just a chat feel free to e-mail me directbest wishes xxx
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