A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok im 17 and have been with my boyfriend for 2 years, we regulary have great sex and i love him.. however im starting to feel the pressure of going steady for so long! its like when im with him everythings graet but when im not with him i have my doubts. ive basically lost all my friends, just because i havnt been able to spend any time with them! what should i do? and how could i break up with him? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, polarkite  +, writes (27 March 2008):
 Breaking up isn't easy, but it's doable. It's like taking a car from 5th gear and bringing it to a stop. You don't want to just slam on the breaks, you need to take your foot off the gas, apply the break, and down shift before you can come safely to a stop.
Here's my 4 step guide to breaking up:
4. Tell him you need space.
3. Stop having sex.
2. Stop spending time with each other.
1. Break up.
It's important you are clear and decisive on each step. You can do this in the period of about a week or two probably, if you don't live with each other. If you do, you'll want to find a new space also, which will add some time.
You may just want to bring the relationship down a few gears / levels, but not totally break up. In that case, you might want to take it there. It's up to you though.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2008): You are young and not ready to settle down, you need your space to learn and grow, that you don't want to loose his friendship, but you feel you need to experience other things, and you do miss your friends.
This is normal, I went through it at your age, and I know my friends did to. Some moved on as your wanting to do, and enjoyed every bit of it. Others who stuck it out, gt married and had kids, others got married, and soon divorced.
Learning why your having feeling of doubts is critical for you to understand. Sit down and brain storm. Think about the question and ask why am I thinking that. View from memory the relationship. Is there something missing? Is there something about him that you don't like? Is there anything you don't like about him? His eye color ...?
I think if you can do this, you might find the real reason, then you can be honest with your self and decide the course you need to take, and then, you can be completely honest with him, even if you tell a white lie (because he is to skinny, or you don't like his hair that you don't ant to hurt him over, because that is who he is, and there is nothing he can do about it.)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2008): if you really love this guy, but feel preasure then you have to talk to him about your feelings...maybe you can change the amount of time that you both spend together...let him know that you want to start hanging out with your friends and there are times when you just want to do other things that don't involve him...you can seperate yourself from him...just let him know that you need to find yourself and that you just want a break so that you can sort out your feelings...and when you do and you find out that you don't want to be in that relationship anymore than you just have to explaine that to him. It's always good to step away from the situation and analyze your situation before you make any permanent decision. i hope that helps.
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