A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is pretty shallow compared to a lot of people's problems, and all the chaos in the world, but it really bugs me after all these years.When I was in high school, I never went to prom. It's not a big deal, but it makes me a little sad because I know how special it would have been and I'll never get another chance to have a beautiful dress just for me, and get my hair and nails done, and go to a romantic dance. I could totally move on with my life, but of all things, guess what I do for a living? I teach school... and I'm constantly being reminded of prom, and it makes me sad. I had a really rough time in high school because we moved to another state before my senior year and I went to a rough school where people were stuck-up and unaccepting of newcomers. I didn't have any friends, let alone a boyfriend. I had a bad attitude then, but things were really disappointing.Perhaps it's shallow to be this upset over prom, but I think that I'm really angry about an underlying issue. When we moved to another state, and I had to switch schools, I got cheated out of a lot of other, MORE important opportunities. My parents promised me a lot of things, but didn't keep their promises and they lost my trust. I had a rough time adjusting to the culture, but no one did anything about it or seemed to care. I know this is self-centered, but I'm sad that I missed out on my special day! I want to know the joy of picking out a beautiful dress, and getting my hair fixed, and dancing away a romantic night in a ballroom. I want to have my special day and feel like a princess. What's something special that I can have to make up for this? Off on a tangent, I know: I always wanted a "quinceañera" for my fifteenth birthday, by the way. It's a special coming of age celebration for girls in Latin American countries, often with a religious ceremony and then a dance (I've seen one). My heritage is Irish-British-European Spanish, and I'm from USA (and was raised strict Southern Baptist, no dancing) but I LOVE Latin culture and lived in Mexico, where nearly all girls have a "quince" (girl who is 15) celebration. I really wanted one, and told my parents, but they balked, saying that "in America we don't do that." My parents are the waspiest people in the world and they don't identify with my interest in Latin stuff. I always wanted one, though. I want to know what it's like to be queen for a day and feel beautiful and have a special dance. Am I selfish? Or a horrible person? I've tried to move on but I keep getting reminded of how much I wanted a prom. What really scares me... does the fact that I was a loser in high school set some sort of precedent for the rest of my life? Does missing prom mean I'm destined to be a failure, or are there successful people who weren't popular and who struggled back in high school?
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male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (31 January 2010):
Prom, went- and don't remember it at all, all I remember is who I got to go with me, and that's it... not a banner night in my life.
Work your teaching position where you get to go to the prom, get a date and have a secrete prom celebration for you...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2010): Next birthday have it prom themed. X
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A
male
reader, Oktober13  +, writes (31 January 2010):
I hated high school... I was nothing special in high school... just a loner and rebel... but the superficiality of the experience still never haunts me. In fact, I have never gone to a high school reunion either. I went to the prom... but it was over-rated... I stayed for half an hour.
I know many people that are lost in this time. Putting high school on a pedestal, as if it were the only time that they were ever really alive. I am not sure what it is in your case... your parent's restriction, your religious upbringing, or the fact that you lived in another country for a time. But, I DO think that it is time for you to let these things go. It is time to allow for your happiness, regardless of the costs. So... a 'dare' for you... Go to Mexico ! Live there... Just do it ! Life is too short to lock yourself away in a box full of the past. I think it is in Mexico, that you will find your closure in all of this. Though you couldn't live the culture while you were young... It is NOT too late ! Besides... I am sure that there are plenty of other dances and celebrations in Mexico, that will afford you the opportunity to wear a pretty dress !!!
Bon courage !
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A
female
reader, EveryLittleHelps  +, writes (31 January 2010):
This could sound silly, but maybe your happiness could come in a different way. You say you teach at a school? so does that mean your involved in organising the prom? you know it is such a great feeling helping people, so why don't you see the girls that remind you of yourself back when you were at school. Don't let them miss out like you did, talk to them. You never know by helping them you could be helping yourself too.
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A
female
reader, ~Maureen +, writes (30 January 2010):
Dearheart,
Being cheated out of prom and a "quince" are sad and most girls can understand the feeling of loss you experience.
I think they act as a metaphor for the loss of your self-esteem. All that moving around has left you with shaken confidence. Not being popular, or looked down on, or being treated poorly by others is bound to do a number on you!
You need to know that the REAL YOU is special and has a lot to offer! There isn't anything wrong with YOU. All of us come into contact with others who are mean-spirited and it does feel bad. Mean people are unhappy and scared on the inside and they project that onto others, so they can still function. Do not let those childhood experiences fool you into allowing the mean-spirited to deform you.
I remember once someone telling me, "Time is the great equalizer." Indeed, a lot of the football stars in schools are bald fat men. Those skinny geeks are trim and fit. The busty popular girls are fat...or druggies still...or on their nth marriage...or still at the local bar trying to compete against 20 yr olds. Don't envy them. Their high egos will not allow them to accept their own aging gracefully or without a lot of pain.
In the meantime, do what you can to look your personal best. Work out, makeover, pray,...whatever you need to do to feel better. Don't waste anymore time on these feelings. When they come into your head, say outloud, "No." and "change the channel".
You are smart and you have control over what thoughts you want to dwell upon.
If you get married you can have that chance to be "all THAT" because you will be THE center at attention & the most beautiful girl in the room.
God Bless,
~Maureen
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A
male
reader, redsox29 +, writes (30 January 2010):
Does missing prom mean you're destined to be a failure? Umm, no. I never went to prom. I was considered to me one of the "popular" group, and I was asked by a couple of different girls, I just chose not to go. All of my friends, girls and guys, that went said that prom was always a major disappointment. So I don't think you missed out on too much. I'm not trying to diminsh what you're feeling and you will still have the opportunity to be a queen for a day. You can make yourself the queen for a day on your birthday, on any given day you want to. Schedule a day with your gf's and go and get your nails done, hair made up, and get dressed really nice and all go out for dinner. And of course the day you get married, you will be the most beautiful woman in the world so don't stress. You'll have your day.
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