A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my partner have been together 2 and a half years and we love each other dearly. He is very affectionate and cuddles me and kisses me but when it's time for bed he just turns over and goes to sleep. Leaving me feeling frustrated, hurt and neglected. I know that it's daft but I can't help how it makes me feel. We have talked about it and he says he loves me and still wants me etc. Things get better for a while but then they go back to normal.Why is this happening?I hope someone can give me advise. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2013): Are you sure there isnot someone else? I was in a long term relation ship and sex went downhill.
There was another woman, nothing I could do would have changed that.
A
male
reader, Silius Sodimus  +, writes (24 January 2013):
Some good answers here, it could also be that the honeymoon period has ended for him although it's unlikely. I don't think porn is the issue either, I could get off on porn and have my gf ask me over and I'll still be in the mood to do it. Perhaps you have a higher sex drive than him. Talk to him about it but but keep it positive, don't put him down or guilt him. If you haven't already done so, give obvious signs you want to do it and see how he reacts?
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (22 January 2013):
 Maybe this is just an issue a lot on here, but my thought immediately goes to "how much porn is he watching?" That's one of the top causes of low libido in young healthy men nowadays.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2013): It's time to change tack then OP and let him how you feel and that this is a problem for you that is getting worse. OP so far you've kind of avoided the real issue here in an attempt to find out what, if anything is wrong, well it seems everything is fine on his end so the problem here is that you're dissatisfied with the amount of sex you're getting and he needs to know that is the case.
He needs to know that you're starting to feel hurt by this.
This isn't a guilt trip, it's not any kind of put down you just need more sex.
If there's nothing wrong with him then you'd like more sex, you want to feel desired, sexy and not just words, you want to him to lust after you like he used to.
I have to say though OP, if everything is fine with him and there are no mitigating factors here then he simply has a low sex drive and this is the frequency of sex you're probably going to have to get used to.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (22 January 2013):
Obviously I wasn't there to hear the conversation, but you need to remember that people are creatures of habit.
When you ask someone "how are you doing?" Do they usually say, "Bad."? No, they say, "Fine." or "Great."
Same goes for "Is there something wrong?" You'll get "No." as an answer 99% of the time.
Tell him that you want to know why he never wants to have sex. Tell him that "there's nothing wrong" isn't acceptable anymore. Tell him you are not sexually satisfied with him (that's a good way to get him to listen!) and that it needs to change. Tell him that instead of giving easy answers he needs to figure out what is going on and what you guys need to do about it.
If you can get him to open up you may not like what he has to say, but take it as constructive criticism and a way to make things better, not a personal attack, otherwise he may not be so willing to open up about difficult things in the future.
If his sex drive is just naturally very low (at the beginning of the relationship that doesn't count) and there's nothing you could do about it then you may need to consider going outside of the relationship (with his blessing) to be satisfied. It's not ideal, but you wouldn't be the first person who did it in order to stay with the person they love.
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A
female
reader, Paula4u +, writes (22 January 2013):
 See if there is anything you can do to improve it, sexy nightie etc etc.Is he watching porn, is he a lot on a computer? Little signs.. has he put weight on? Is he ill diabetic, prostate cancer etc etc.. Talk to him. xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe works Monday to Friday 9-5. He keeps himself fit, so I don't think body image is a problem. He can get an erection but does nothing with it. I dont think he should do all the work, I do initiate intimacy. I tried to initiate itimancy last night but as normal he gave me a kiss goodnight and turned around to go to sleep. I ask him if everything is ok and if something is bothering him and he says no, everything is great and that he is so happy. this hasn't always been the case. We used to be very sexually active but now it's not even once a week, more like once a month.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2013): Sounds like you're not asking the right questions or telling him this is an issue for you.
It could be numerous reasons. But you obviously asked him if it was something to do with you if his response was that he still loves you and wants you. For some reason women always internalize this kind of thing when it's more likely something do with him.
Maybe he's gained weight, or is depressed or works very long hours, or is having erection issues, maybe his sex drive is just very low and he's not all that bothered.
Instead of asking what's wrong with you, try to get to the bottom of why he's never in the mood anymore. This may well just be the amount of sex he's happy with OP.
Do you initiate much or are you just one of these women that expects him to do all the work?
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male
reader, CMMP +, writes (22 January 2013):
Some people just aren't interested in sex. It's crazy but true. I wouldn't assume it has anything to do with you, it's probably just him.
What to do? I'm not sure there is much you can do. It's just one of those differences that you have to chose whether or not you're willing to accept.
He may wish to talk to a doctor as there's a slight chance that he has a medical reason.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 January 2013):
 sounds much like our house...
I asked. I thought it was me.
It's not. It's him. He's gained weight and he feels fat and unsexy (see it's not just us girls that have body image issues)
he feels sluggish and not very sexual.
and it appears my sex drive is higher than his too.
are you guys having sex at all?
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A
female
reader, agonyauntsanonymous +, writes (22 January 2013):
What is his situation like? Does he work alot? Watch porn, masturbate ? Its very frusterating and I sympathize with you. It seems talking doesnt do much good. Does he have a low sex drive? How long has it been this way?
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