A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my current boyfriend on and off for a few years. We'v been back together and goin strong for five months.and things are better than ever. But lately I've started feelin this guilt about people that I've kissed or may have kissed when we were on breaks and stuff. I haven't told my everything, but he does know about the major things like anyone I've slept with. I don't want to tell him anymore because he's so hurt knowing that I've kissed so many people. I live in a small town and everybody knows everybody else. I cant help bumping into people that I've kissed or whatever and its worse when I'm with my boyfriend. The guilt is really affecting me and its becoming overwhelming. I feel like I've made a fool of my boyfriend. There isn't any point in hurting him with my mistakes, but i can't seem to escape them and just be happy either. Please help. I feel I'm on the edge of panic. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Red Green 0289  +, writes (17 May 2010):
PLEASE.... stop tormenting yourself. You do NOT need to disclose every act you've even done. I wouldn't ever disclose the number of guys you've had intercourse with, given head to, kissed, held hands or dreamed about.
It's NONE of any man's business, and most men can not handle numbers. If they're too low, it's a problem, if too high, it's a problem.
Leave it alone, and work through your guilt- this is nothing to feel guilty about.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2010): i have told him that there's people i've kissed that he may not know about. I asked him if he wanted to know anything else, to just ask and he didn't. He told me to just let it go. I just feel that if i do let it go, I might be making a fool of him for not telling him...
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A
male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (16 May 2010):
Unless he has any particular problems of being jealous or insecure then telling him how you're feeling isn't going to be such a big deal for him.Whilst the past is the past, in your case, you are suffering so badly that you've got anxiety and it's affecting your life.You and your boyfriend love each other and I'm sure he wouldn't want you suffering over something he could quite easily reassure you over. Then you can put what has happened behind you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2010): i keep reliving situations over and over in my head. I cant always remember if i have kissed certain people or not, and most often they are people my boyfriend knows. He's aware that i get some anxiety about things but he doesn't always know why. When i pass a certain place or person that reminds me, i can't help the feelings of anger i get..
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A
female
reader, purple_butterfly  +, writes (16 May 2010):
Sometimes its just better to not dig up the past. You are happy with him and you have told himall the major things that happened. Don't worry or regret other things. Let it go and be happy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2010): There is nothing to feel guilty about, you weren't cheating. Stop beating yourself up and enjoy being with your boyfriend.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (16 May 2010):
If you were on breaks at the time, then let it go. The more you tell him, the more upset and more insecure he will be. You didn't cheat. You were on breaks at the time. You'be got to accept that things have happened and that's it. The more more you panic, the more he will suspect that something is wrong with all this. You've made mistakes, now let them go.
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