A
female
age
30-35,
*ermilion
writes:Hi everyone. I really really need some advice.[I tried to make it short but without luck. I'm sorry and please take the time to read] After many disappointments and failed relationships I became bitter and cold. I started a relationship with a wonderful man who - now I realize - loved me very much. It would take me pages to describe all the lovely things he did so I won't but basically the relationship lasted one year only because he wanted, made great efforts and gave me many chances. Of course, only after he broke up with me because he had all the reasons and was fed up with all my c*** I realized that I had strong feelings for him which I tried for months to block. I apologized,tried to explain but it was over. My friends convinced me to start dating so I did. I met a charismatic, attractive man.I had a short relationship with him (3 months). He did not care about me and I knew he was cheating but I tolerated all because I felt like I deserve it and it's karma. 6 months after(the first break up I mentioned) I am still thinking about my ex. I feel guilty, ashamed and so stupid. Life finally gave me this chance with this great man and I ruined it because I was a complete idiot. He is now in a new relationship with this nice girl, I try myself to move on but I can't stop comparing every guy I have a date with, with him. It only makes me feel worse. I am depressed, I feel lonely and like a jerk. I know I deserve to feel like this because I did take him for granted and made him suffer. I truly regret it and I am in pain since then. I simply feel like I can't go on like this. I have dreams with him often and I wake up crying. I can't continue like this anymore. If someone was in a similar situation or knows methods to forgive yourself please give me some advice.
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female
reader, Vermilion +, writes (27 April 2011):
Vermilion is verified as being by the original poster of the question anonymous:) thank you for your answer.
I apologized many times with all my heart.
I admitted to him that I was wrong and that I'm guilty for ruining our relationship. It was humiliating because he didn't seem to care anymore but it was the right thing to do.
I recently realized I can't do anything more. I have to let it go completely because It's hurting too much to keep thinking about him.
I hope I'll be able to move on already.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2011): Wow, While reading your post I had to ask myself if I wrote that and forgot about it. I am in the exact situation as you. was with a absolutley eonderful guy for over a year - and the last 6 months I sabotaged it all. All on my own. And like you, only realised how good I had it when it was too late. I have been broken up with him now for almost 4 months, but only the last few weeks I decided to do the NO CONTACT thing. I cant give you too much in advice, as I am currently in the exact sae boat as you.But I will say in the last few days I have been thinking about a simple 'Im sorry" text, just to get the guilt off my shoulders.Maybe you should do the same...I will say you arent doing too bad if you gave someone else (another relationship) a shot - even if didnt work. I know for me, right now, the thought of another man even remotely being in my life makes me sick.
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A
female
reader, Vermilion +, writes (25 April 2011):
Vermilion is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you very much lakers_lover09.I'll just try to move on and forgive myself. I really feel like I had enough and I can't regret my actions forever.
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A
male
reader, lakers_lover09  +, writes (23 April 2011):
Wow..i jabe been where u have been. I dated a girl who loved me so much she believed my lies and sported my stupid controlling ways even tho her family warned her. She finally coulndt take it anymore and left. I did some growing and dated a new girl for a year but aftter that relationship was pver I could still only think about tht girl..maybe it was because of the guilt. My advice is to reach out to him and ask him to forgive u and befreind u. wait til u can handle it tho. Second, umderstand that without mistakes, we r not human, period. We all do, but like the old saying goes, pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. Love urself again! Then u will c that some others out there may love u as well. Im interested in a new girl and even if we dnt end up dating, the excitement in our little cat in mouse game makes me feel so,ething imcredible. Its ok to rebret it for a while but I think now is a good time for u to say "i have had enough of falling victim to the hardships of life" and just find it in u to enjoy it. Good luck :)
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