A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm so confused with my life at the moment... On the outside everything seems perfect- I have a good job, a wonderful fiancé and a nice house but I feel so low... I hate my job, my house just seems like a burden and as for my fiancé.... Well sometimes I wish I was single!I feel like I stuck in a rut- I'm 30 next yr and I feel as though I have wasted my life.. I ended up in a boring office job which I vowed I never never do (I know I should be grateful in this climate I even have a job). And the crazy thing is I don't even know what I want to do with my life!My house, even though it's beautiful I wish we never bought it. I feel tied to it and if I wanted to pack up and leave I couldn't as the house would need selling etc...As for my fiancé well once again I have no idea why I'm moaning- we have been together 6 years and maybe I'm bored? Maybe I don't love him anymore? He's a good guy, treats me well but something is missing.I'm scared to end it with him in case I realise in a few years I made a mistake but I don't want to marry him yet for the same reason.I'm constantly looking to change jobs but I'm not qualified to do anything but admin and customer service... I'm scared one day when I'm old I'm going to regret not living my life but I don't know how as I have crippling anxiety issues and an scared of everything. Sometimes I can't even bear to look at myself in the mirror as I feel so repulsive and ugly. I have been on medication, had counselling, hypnotherapy, group therapy but nothing helps....I want adventure and fun- I don't want to be a millionaire and live the life of luxury, I just want to live!I don't know what to do- can anyone help me please? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2012): Kind of ironic..I came onto this site to ask for advice, as I feel my gal of 18 years feels pretty much the same way as you do. Sooo...before I go to the advice section, I thought I may try to help you with your situation. Even though my partner is 48, she was closer to your age when we met and fell in love. Some of your feelings could be that you are still young, and don't realize that you have a wonderful guy and can make a wonderful life together as long as you both want to. If you aren't sure he's the one, maybe he's not. But again, maybe you aren't confident you will find a better relationship with someone else. Women can always find sex, as there are a lot of men who will fool around with anyone who they have a chance to. But, finding true love can be a lot more challenging than finding a sex partner. There may be a voice in your head telling you that, and that is why you aren't sure whether you should stay, or move on. Another person suggested maybe you should switch it up a little, do some different things with your guy, to add some more satisfaction to your life. Maybe try a new career,go back to school to steer you in a different career direction. My mom always said, "All knowledge is revelent", so maybe reading more, whether it's books, or the internet, you may find some careers, inteests, causes, etc. that bring you satisfaction and direction in the life you would like to have. You sound like you have it pretty good, so maybe build on what you do have, be thankful for what you two already have, and build on that, with some new and satisfying endeavours. Remember, a relationship is only as good as the two of you make it. Don't be in it half way, and expect full benefits. If you are sure he wants to have a wonderful relationship with you, that is a good thing. Communication is key. Talk to him about some of your concerns, and hopefully he can help you make some positive decisions on how to make it better. If you do, you both win. Sometimes relationshops have ups and downs, and it might be wise to be patient, in order to tell if these feelings are just a down period in your relationship. Be honest with him, as well as yourself, and you can't go wrong. I hope this viewpoint helps, even a little, and I wish you the best in your relationshop, and your life.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2012): "As for my fiancé well once again I have no idea why I'm moaning- we have been together 6 years and maybe I'm bored? Maybe I don't love him anymore? He's a good guy, treats me well but something is missing.
"I'm scared to end it with him in case I realise in a few years I made a mistake but I don't want to marry him yet for the same reason."
First, stop kidding yourself. If you've been with your boyfriend for six years with no wedding date in sight then he's not your "fiance," he's the guy with whom you are shacking up.
If "something's missing," then something's missing. Unfair to boyfriend to string him along as an insurance policy in case you decide to settle for a loveless marriage sometime down the road.
You don't know what you do want but you do know what you don't want: to be tied to your boyfriend and your house, but you lack the guts to follow through. Breaking up with boyfriend and selling the house would give you the personal freedom and financial independence you need to reassess your professional ambitions, and it's best for both of you in long run to break up and extracate yourself from joint obligation of a house that's not a home. At 29 your adult life is still in its formative stages. You have plenty of time to change direction and the luxury of a steady income to allow you to make long-term plans.
I'm almost 60 and due to circumstances beyond my control I'm unemployed and essentially unemployable; fortunately I have adequate asesets to maintain a decent standard of living while I figure out what to do for next 20-30 years, and I'm starting the next 20-30 years of my life by applying to graduate school beginning Fall 2013. Will earning an advanced degree at age 60 make me any more employable? Unlikely, but it's something that's long been in the back of my mind and when I'm 80 I don't want to regret wasting opportunity I had in my late 50's.
Natural tendency is to cling to the familiar and comfortable, still requires much effort on my part to overcome urge to settle. Can only say in 100 years both of us will be long dead and whatever mistakes or missteps we may have made along the way will not matter to anyone at all, but hopefully we will have had the satisfaction of having passed on with no regrets knowing that our lives were lives well lived.
That's what's currently getting me through a stretch where every day is the same dull, boring, unfulfilling routine. As long as we're breathing there's a future, and it's only as good as we make it ourselves.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (8 September 2012):
 If you want to live then start making plans to do so. If you have anxiety, take small steps to get to the goal. You have not said *how* you want to live. What would make you happy?
If you are not crazy over your fiance, then I would consider moving on. Life is too short to be with someone with whom you are not passionate about. He may be a great guy, but he may not be the one for you. Or, you may prefer to be single and there is nothing wrong with that. You can also not live your live worrying about regrets. What if you marry him and realize 10 years from now you just wasted 10 years of your life being with him. See, this thing called regret works both ways.
It isn't so hard to figure out what you really want out of life. You listen to to yourself and think with your own mind instead of doing what everyone else thinks you want to do or what you have imposed on yourself is what you are supposed to do. If your mind dwells on travelling...then travel. If it dwells on a different job then start looking for one or create one for yourself.
With all due respect, you sound like you have resolved to sit back and accept what life has to offer without being in control and proactive about the direction you want your life to go. You have to realize that you are the only one in control of your life. No one else can make it happen for you. So, if you are stuck in a rut, start taking steps to get out of it. No one will help you as they don't know or care what you're thinking. YOU have to do it.
Even though I have been where you are, I still consider it a type of whining. I know whole families right now living in apartments because both parents have lost their jobs and they can't afford to buy a house. You can afford it. So, if you don't like it, go to a realtor and put it on the market to sell. TAKE CONTROL over your life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2012): Well it does sound like you're very bored.
Why not get active with your finacé - get outdorsy, take a cheap holiday some place nice? Go out, get social, do something different, beaches it sounds like you're sick of doing the same old routines, going round in circles, so why not do the exact opposite?? Be sponantious, and LIVE! :D
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2012): Well it does sound like you're very bored.
Why not get active with your finacé - get outdorsy, take a cheap holiday some place nice? Go out, get social, do something different, beaches it sounds like you're sick of doing the same old routines, going round in circles, so why not do the exact opposite?? Be sponantious, and LIVE! :D
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