A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I feel like my father is trying to drive me to a breakdown. I think he has severe mental problems, but he has never been diagnosed. When I was growing up and well into my twenties, he would give me and my Mum the silent treatment (but not my sister for some reason) for years on end. Nothing that we know of would trigger it. It seemed like he would just wake up one day and decide he wouldn't talk. We had to communicate with him through notes. Then years later, he would gradually start talking to us again. It was a living hell, and I felt like I was being tortured.My relationship with my father had improved until recently when he retired. It is dreadful. He never goes out. He has always had a favourite seat in our sitting room, which happens to be my preferred one although I don't mind sitting in other seats. If I happen to be sitting in it though, he starts acting like a mad man to make me so angry that I'll go upstairs. It's really weird behaviour like talking to the TV in a silly voice, waving at people who aren't there. If I make a comment about his behaviour though, he'll insist he was only joking and go back to normal. In fact, the other night I went out the room for 30 seconds just to get a biscuit to come back to find he run from the other side of the room and into the seat I was sitting in. He is so ridiculously petty. I was so angry and gave him a piece of my mind, only for my Mum to say that I should have asked him nicely to move!He did it again this evening. I was sitting in his preferred seat. He came into the room, sat in another seat and then started acting up like a child. He doesn't get angry, but just acts like an idiot to wind me up so much that I leave the room. Again, I left the room for a few minutes to calm down only to come back to find he had run across the room and sat in the seat I had just been sitting in. By this time, Mum was in the room. I confronted him again, and he didn't even acknowledge me. He simply kept frowning to pretend that he had no idea what I was talking about.I really dislike my father. He has had a strong hand in wrecking my life. I have not been able to form lasting relationships with men, as I will go silent on them if I'm not happy about something instead of talking it through. I have clearly learned this behaviour from my father, but not surprisingly my relationships have all failed as my boyfriends have not been prepared or able to deal with it. As a consequence, I feel extremely lonely. I also don't notice when I been treated not as well as I should be in life because to me not been treated well is normal for me. I desperately need to move out, but my father continues to wreck my confidence saying I'll never been able to cope, and I couldn't bear the shame and the 'I told you so' attitude of my father. My Dad more or less gave me the impression not so long ago that he wants me here so that he keeps getting rent from me. It seems to me that he isn't interested in me as a person but so that he can get rent from me.Ironically, my Dad says that the thing he fears most as he gets old is loneliness yet he is driving me away. I am so angry with him because I end up sitting up in my room every night now to avoid his stupidity about sitting in a certain seat.I have even considered that my Dad may be starting to get dementia.I have had counselling to help me deal with all of this, but have just been told that I am only eligible for one more session (I can't afford private counselling).I feel like I am cracking up because of my father's behaviour. Does anyone know what is going on here? I feel he has a mental disorder, but I don't know what it could be. Any ideas?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2011): Just to add to the other answers, I'd advise you to go and have a chat with your GP/family doctor about your Dad's behaviour...he may need assessing for mental health problems and/or dementia.
A
female
reader, Nime  +, writes (27 March 2011):
 You obviously need to get out of that house. In the meantime, you should stay out of your father's chair. It's his house, his chair. You know the reaction you get out of him when you sit in his chair, so you are clearly looking for a fight whenever you do it. Look what you said here: "He has always had a favourite seat in our sitting room, which happens to be my preferred one." Key world: ALWAYS. That was ALWAYS his favorite chair, the chair he more than likely bought; he didn't decide to favor it just because you 'happen to prefer' it. More likely, you prefer it because it's his favorite chair, and you enjoy provoking him so you can feel righteously ticked off and at the same time gloat inwardly over how 'petty and stupid' dad's being. Your dad clearly has some serious issues, but allow an old man his favorite chair! Good luck with your situation, I hope you get out and, yes, work things out with your dad. You may in fact find him much more tolerable from afar and once you get things in order maybe you won't have to resort to blaming and hating him for your own failures. Yes, your own failures, your own life. You could have had the kind of father who liked to slap your face around with a belt buckle until you were spitting teeth, or who liked to hire thugs to beat you to a pulp on your walk to middle school. I personally know people who were raised by such fathers and still wake up screaming from nightmares of him, but who are otherwise now leading perfectly normal lives with fulfilling relationships and spoiled kids. The point is, you can't blame the way you were raised for everything, it's a flimsy excuse and at best it will just hold you back from living your life the way you want to. Also, remember, pretty much everyone on this earth has some kind of unresolved issues with their parents. You're not alone!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 March 2011):
 Time to move out. You can do it.
It's quite hard to say what's really up with your dad. Could be a sort of bi-polar or even early onset of dementia, but you didn't mention forgetfulness, that is a very typical sign. Could be he is just a narcissistic personality. He seems to like being in control.
Also, you are living in your parents home, let him have HIS chair. It will just makes life easier.
Are you in therapy? If not I suggest you go. You deserve to be loved.
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