A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:First, I'm in love with my best friend. We have been close for about 2 years now, we're always together. But we also have sex together, although we aren't actually in a relationship. He knows that I have feelings though and we have had "relationship" conversations before. anyways... For a while we have been talking about going to the movies, he promised me that we would see something, but we still haven't. we hang out endlessly and go out to do other things and watch films at his house all the time but we still haven't gone to the movies... What bothers me is that one night he called me, we was on his way home from the theatre. he said he was with a guy friend, but something didn't seem right, and it bothered me that he would go with someone else and not me. he joked that his friend wanted to see The Vow but they saw Tin Tin instead... again, i thought it weird that a guy would even want to see The Vow, but i let it go and just thought, hey, it's nice that he's hanging out with a new buddy, so i didn't ask anything more, he said that we would go to the movies one day and see something even better. I found out that he actually went out with a girl that night. It bothers me that he lied to me and i feel like i want to ask him about it. i want to say something like... "hey, something has been bothering me for a while, out of curiosity, and after our conversation the other day about how lies hurt, i want to ask you something, but i promise you that i dont' want to start a conversation about it or get into it i just want a yes or no sort of answer. When you said that you went to the theatre with one of your guy friends, you actually went with someone else. i thought it was strange when you said he wanted to see the vow and everything but i let it go and just thought that it was nice that you were hanging with a new friend. i want no argument and i'm not mad, but i just don't want you to lie to me."I would say something like that... honestly i'm not really mad... becuase i understand that if he liked me that things would be different, instead i know that he loves me as a best friend and i'm always going to be there, but i don't like lies and it's been bothering me... What should i do... say something or not?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi everyone! Thanks so much for all your answers!
I haven't said anything to hom about what happened... I've decided that there is really no need at this point. Because he isn't technically my boyfriend he has no obligation to tell me about it at all. But, sleeping together will stop. If he decides to make a move again sometime in the near future, then i'll say my peace about not wanting this "casual, friends with benefits" relationship. I'm worth more than it, if he doesn't want me as a girlfriend then that's okay, but this is going to change.
I'm feeling very confident about it all. I think I just needed to really think about what it is i wanted to see happen with us both. I love him, but I want him to be happy, so i'm not going to hold anything against him going out or anything, but aslong as I'm not being taken for a fool anymore. :)
Thanks again guys. I truly appreciate you're insight :)
A
female
reader, shazz1991xoxo  +, writes (21 March 2012):
 hunni hes using you, forget about him i know its hard it took me 2 years to get over my love slowly its really hard, you think that you will never get over it but trust me you will, dont let him treat you like that just tell him straight where to go the next time he want sex off you xox good luck
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A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess  +, writes (21 March 2012):
 Stop sleeping with him.....it's complicating your situation. The problem with FWB, is that neither of you really know where you stand, because a line has been crossed. You're no longer just friends, but you're not really a couple, either, because you haven't made that commitment to each other. In his eyes, the two of you are "just friends", therefore, he doesn't feel obligated to tell you when he goes on dates with other girls, but you have feelings for him, so you expect a different behavior.
Call me old fashioned, but you're either in a relationship, or you're not. Casual sex, between friends, gets very complicated. Someone falls in love, the other doesn't, then feelings get hurt, and it all goes downhill from there. You need to talk to him, and if he isn't wanting to be in an relationship with you, then the sex should not be part of your friendship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answer!
And yes, I agree. I just found out last night about the girl... though, I could feel something was off from the beginning, just didn't want to say something before and look like a complete ass, you know?
But yes, I'm planning on avoiding intimate contact with him. And if he makes another move i'm going to ask him, are you my boyfriend.. if he says no which he probably will, then i'll tell him that this is all not a good idea. Because i'm not into casual sex, I happen to think i'm worth a lot more than that, if you don't want to be my boyfriend, which is what we have discussed in the past, than that is okay, but all this pretending is going to stop now."
you get the idea, haha.
Oh well, there isn't anything I can do about this. I know i'm a great girl, i'm sorry he doesn't feel that way towards me as a girlfriend. sigh.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (21 March 2012):
 Please, cut right to the chase and define the REAL situation here..... To wit:
YOU are putting out for him.... HE is not serious about you... YOU are not insisting upon ANY sort of obligation from him as a condition of YOU continuing to PUT OUT for him....
HE has the best of all worlds.... a girl who is se*ually available.... but who is too chicken to put his feet to the fire.... AND who is willing to make excuses for him as he acts like the guy who has a "FWB" who doesn't even know that that is what's going on.....
YOU control the situation..... Either continue to let it happen... OR, grab hold of your self-esteem and tell this cad to take a walk....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 March 2012):
 Oh dear… first paragraph… FWB…. And you are in love with him… you are just a walking bag of hurt waiting to happen sweet thing.
He lied to you because he doesn’t want to hurt you because he doesn’t want you to stop sleeping with him.
If he’s your best friend you would know what to do and keep nothing from him and you would have already talked to him.
He’s a boy you want as more than a friend and that’s why this is so difficult…
You must stop sleeping with him…then things will be clear and you will know what to say and when to say it.
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