A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:This is a family relationship question, which i hope is okay to ask? My father seems to have given all the power (powers of attorney and management) of the family house and what has happened to my mother, etc., to two of four sisters because he believes somehow that that will prevent family arguments, but the result is that2 members absolutely "lord it over" the others and make them (including me) feel left out in the cold andabsolutely wretched when in fact some of the power-holding sisters ideas are really superficial and insensitive and hurtful to my parents' interests. So What can I do? Please offer any suggestions you can!Don't want the family scenario to turn out like KING LEAR!!! I have been suffering since June. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Too Sensitive +, writes (7 January 2009):
Is your father still of sound mind? Can you discuss your concerns with him? Can you point out the superficiality and insensitivity of some of their actions and ideas to him? It is a good idea for a parent to give P.O.A. to one of their grown children while they are still of sound mind, but perhaps he did not make the right choices as to which children he gave that P.O.A. to. And your siblings with the P.O.A. should not be "lording it over" you other 2 that don't have it. They are using it as a pawn against you and your sister, and that should not be the purpose nor the intent. Their behavior sounds childish in itself, to me.
My father passed away 22 years ago. My mother was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer's. While she still seemed to have her sanity, she granted P.O.A. to my sister. That was fine, I understood that, as my mother and my sister were the closest out of the 3 of us. My brother and the family have been estranged (not speaking) for over 4 years now, so he is not in the picture at all. It is just my sister and I.
Though my sister has the P.O.A., she always consults with me on any decisions concerning my mother's care and finances with me, though she is not obligated to. I am very appreciative of this, b/c I know she does not have to do this. I am honored. But, that is the way it should be. Any decisions should be a family matter, jointly, not just made by the one with the "power" so to speak.
I hope you are able to talk with your father and that he heeds what you are telling him. If nothing else, things may not change, but at least you will have gotten your feelings out to him about what's been going on, which hopefully will make you feel better. I don't even know if it's possible for him to change who has P.O.A., if he does wish to make a change. That would be a legal issue.
Family situations can push our buttons and cause so much grief, especially where affairs of this sort are concerned. Old buried emotions come into play, and can trigger us in ways we did not anticipate. Good luck, and I hope you can find some resolution to this in time. You may not be able to do anything about it, but at least talking about how it makes you feel might help to some degree, even if it does not change the situation at hand. If you can't talk to your father about this, is there someone else you could talk to? A good friend, a significant other, a spouse, who would be understanding, supportive, and listen? It would take alot of strength on your part, but you could also consider talking with your 2 sisters who have P.O.A. and express your concerns about their behaviors and ideas,if you haven't already done so, though I realize this is a less-than-desirable and probably futile option. And, you always have your other sister in the same boat as you, which I'm guessing you have already had conversations with her about this. Lean on each other, if you can. I wish you inner peace.
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