A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I discovered by accident at the end of Oct. that my husband had been having an emotional affair with an ex since the middle of Oct. When I confronted him about it, he said he was deeply in love with her, and he wanted a divorce. He moved out for a few weeks, and during this time he drove many hours and went and saw her. He tells me they never had sex. When he was driving back from seeing her, he called me and said he realized he missed me and still loves me, and wanted to come back home. I said ok. This was now one week before Thanksgiving. I thought we were doing so well. Working so much on our marriage. Going to marriage counseling together every week. Then on Jan 3rd, I checked his email, and found a string of back and forth emails between then. One email from my husband on Jan 1st, he told her "this will be our year". I also discovered he never threw away that pre-paid cell phone, and they were still talking and emailing the whole time we were "working on us". He said he was so sorry, and didn't know why he couldn't stop contacting her, and said really does love me. He said he would call her in front of me and tell her that we are working on our marriage, and that he could have no more contact with her. He did do this in front of me, and I know for sure that she was on the phone. My question is can I really believe him that they are over, can I ever trust him again? Is it likely that he is telling the truth this time? I want to believe him and trust him, but I'm having a really hard time with that. I know for sure if I find out ever again that they are in contact it is definitely over between us. What do you all think? Thanks!!!! :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2009): How your husband acted is totally unacceptable in my opinion. For me, if he left like that to see an ex..I would tell him I hope they have a nice life and see ya later. Of course, this is easy for me to say as I am not emotionally involved.
It sounds to me that you want to work things out, which is commendable but you need to ask yourself is this "man" is worth it. I understand he is your husband but behind this fancy title, he is still a man and no one deserves to be victim to someone elses indecision, especially when it is heartbreaking. I am somewhat speaking from experience as I am currently going through a divorce from a man who I still love but couldn't decide if he wanted to stay married anymore.
If you truly decide he is worth working with, he will have to accept that you will mistrust him for quite awhile and make himself a complete open book to you and be willing to do whatever it takes to gain and keep your trust.
If it were me, I would have already left, but it is your choice. I live by these words when it comes to something like this: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
Good luck and sorry if I came across harsh, I know it is not an easy thing you are going through.
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