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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi, it would be great if anyone has some advice for my situation...I've recently become engaged to a girl of 25, 5 years my junior after being in a relationship just over a year and things haven't progressed as I thought.We were both extremely happy to become engaged until we visited her parents the next day to tell them the news (her father knew as I had asked his permission).The great mood was spoilt initially by her grandmother telling her that she was too young to marry and it would ruin her career!! Her mother and father were also focussed on her ruining her career by getting married in a year or so! There were no congratulations really at all. Now I come from a working family where my mother and father both has successful careers when i was growing up so I have no idea why they would think I would compromise her career as I reassured her father I would never do anything like that.I have to say although I have tried very hard to become welcomed by the family, I have always felt like an outsider for no apparent reason and have always felt uncomfortable particularly in the mothers company. I've had previous long term relationships and never had any of these issues with the family/parents.The issues with her family seem to have started when we had some issues in the summer - argued a good bit when my fiancee was undertaking major exams - i just put it down to stress but the mother tried to get involved and break us up!!We also plan (my fiancee is very keen which is great) to move away to another city, work permitting and the mother said to the daughter "I will never see my grandchildren" which is absolute rubbish as it's only a few hours drive away at most and we would always visit.My fiancee was very upset and was worried that the parents may have a point. Now I see they would be concerned with her career and I would never ask her to jeapordise that as i have reassured them. My fiancee was in tears and has become very moody just after a week of getting engaged. She says she does want to marry me but thinks her parents are right and she might be too young!The father now has called again and said he has "reservations" about me which I just cannot understand. I run my own business, have great relationships with my family and am getting pretty tired of the constant interference.My friends have said the family were rude and should be happy for us - expressing any concerns rationally.My fiancee has now become very moody, now just over a week later from becoming engaged and goes from extremes of happiness to unhappiness which I just cant seem to resolve by any means. I'm beginning to feel a bit hard done to to be honest and unhappy in the relationship which has changed so much in such a short time.My own feelings are that the mother is quite possessive and has been upsetting her daughter. I also feel that there are feelings of unhappiness there and my fiancee may not be ready to be engaged - I may have made a mistake in asking her to marry me although we do live together and for me at least I felt it was the right time and a natural step in our relationship. We had discussed becoming engaged just a week before and she seemed very happy if that happened!I have discussed my feelings with my fiancee who still wants to get married but the mood swings are really getting to me as well as the interefring parents. I am worried that they will drive a wedge between us if they havent done so already.Should I break off the engagement or give it a certain amount of time to see if things changed. The on-off situation is starting to wear me down.
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female
reader, AuntieChrissy +, writes (10 October 2005):
Why don't you talk to your fiancee and wait a while? You could get married in a year or so, to give her time to build up her career a bit more. This should pacify her parents. But at the end of the day, you're not marrying them, are you?
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