A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ive been seeying my boyfriend for the last 6 months, hes the most amazing guy and we have always had such a close relationship.Just recently ive had family problems which have been really upsetting me, its put me into a bit of a situation where im upset alot of the time..I took it out on my boyfriend a couple of times just when hes been out and he wasnt there to talk to.I feel like my family problems are coming between my relationship and thats the last thing i want to happen because my boyfriend means the world to me. we have been argueing a bit in the last month, I want to put things back to how they were before and forget everything.Any ideas how i can do this? i really dont want to lose him. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008): You begin to tell your story by giving your justification of your behaviour. Everyone has problems, familial or of other nature. These are no excuse to dispatch them onto boyfriends or other people. You will have to learn to relieve of these feelings of pressure and stress and avoid to be controlled by your emotions. So instead of fighting against other people you should learn to fight your negative emotions. One step is acknowledging your anger issues, which you are and to admire the ability to control it, in order to tend to it. When you feel your impulsivity is taking the best of you, remind yourself of the ill consequences that will derive from this pattern. When you are unable to control your anger, you inflict upon others you interact with, an undeserved punishment. If your anger springs also from discussions in contradictory, people will eventually avoid to discuss with you at all. When anger is mismanaged, as you have observed, relationships deteriorate and both sides suffer. When people realise they can be treated better they will leave and pursue better circumstances than the present. Your mind can be your best friend or enemy, it depends on you to create mottos, seek motivations etc. It's not the ideas that upset you, it's the fact you cannot tolerate them and counteract the negativity effectively, that is upsetting. What particularities upset you? Usually the fact things did not go the way one had expected them to is a case, so avoid to create expectations and hold on to them. People sometimes can become subjugated to petty details when they don't see the picture in its grandeur and positivity, and in closing I will leave you with a short message that I very much liked and illustrates this. The husband drops a plate to which the wife says, instead of becoming nervous: "Oh, don't worry, even Constantinople fell under the ottomans, to which humanity survived." How is this not admirable?
A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (5 June 2008):
 Hi Hunny
Oh it so horrible when your so hurt or worried and the frustration just seems to get to you so much you take it out on the one you love, You could kick yourself for doing it but I no were your coming from hunny, If the situation at home is so bad you need time out from everything to sort it out in your head. Because you and your b/f are so close he can tell straght away if your upset and he wont no how to make things better. And this is all he will want to do. BUT HE CANT! This problem for you is very real and it has to be sometimes left behind so to speak when you to are together, Im not saying you cant talk with him of course you should. This is obviously really getting to you sweetheart and its affecting your relationship..ITS NO BODYS FAULT ITS LIFE! Ive had one problem after another over the last few months and I felt like screaming, If you cant escape away from the situation it will make you worse seeing it everyday...I read an article and it said..If things get so bad that your so frustrated and you are not knowing how to get that out then use certain things around you to get that anger,hurt, and upset out of you just doing just how I felt and screaming, go somewere obviously were no one thinks your being attacked and scream untill you can no longer scream. WOW! DID THAT WORK! Grab hold of a pillow or pillows in my case and punch the living crap out of it untill you feel absolutly worn out by it all while you are taking your hurt and upset and anger out on objects that cant feel pain your not hurting anyone else and screaming on your own your not hurting anyone you may cry and scream cry and beat up your bed but its all this emotion that needs to come out... The problems will still be there but you will feel a certain relief by getting it out of you for that amount of time and you can do this as often as you need...You dont mention the problems you are having hunny so its hard to help you deal with them, But writing stuff down is also a good way of dealing with things and writing possitive thought down as well as the negative side there is always a possitive side to everything although it may not feel like it right now..You can write a letter to yourself and put in it everything that is upsetting you and reread it then throw it out. These problem will seem big at this moment and may for awhile but they will get better sweetheart and as time goes on you will be able to handle them better...If you need a chat message me anytime..I no how your feeling love YOU TAKE CARE I HOPE THIS HELPED A LITTLE WITH LOTS OF LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008): i think that you should sit down with your boyfriend and have a serious chat about whats going on... with your family problems. try to get him to understand about it. tell him you just need a bit of support at the moment, and tell him that he means the world to you. as i have had many family problems, i would say try talking to your family and try and sort out these problems... because the more you talk the less painful it is... i hope this helps
xxxx
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