A
female
age
30-35,
*edpopstick
writes:I've been feeling low lately because of arguments between mainly with my family. First of all, my family don't spend much time with me as I'm 19 so 'too old'. As I have a boyfriend and friends they reckon I should be moving on to only spend time with them, but they always include my siblings. They recently booked a holiday with my sister age 17 and brother age 16. They never even told me about it and when I asked them they said that I was too old and I was already going on holiday with my boyfriend anyway. Then they said it was because they didn't want to pay for me but they paid for my sis and bro, but when I said I'd pay for myself they just avoided it and obviously didn't want me to go, suggesting I came along with my boyfriend in seperate accommodation. I just felt so hurt and left out. They also all went for a meal as my Mam passed her driving test at this 2-4-1 place, and I wasn't invited. They only suggested I could go half hour before they were going out, and only as I'd been crying because I'd had a fight with my boyfriend. This was only if I'd pay for a meal seperate, and as I had noone to split the price with because I was an odd number it'd have cost me double everyone else. I tried to talk to my mam about it in an adult way but she just said I should get my own life, that everyone hated me and I was being pathetic, but it really upsets me as I feel so secluded. My Dad bought us a joint Xmas present of a makeover together but my Mam said she really didn't want to go and made such a big deal about it I don't really want to go at all now. Also, to add to this my boyfriend's Dad is a single parent and my boyfriend always ditches me as he feels guilty on his Dad. I feel like I'm always less of a priority that others. Please help, am I doing something wrong or totally over reacting? Thanks for reading :)
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female
reader, redpopstick +, writes (5 February 2010):
redpopstick is verified as being by the original poster of the questionA female reader, anonymous: Yeah I study at University but I can't afford to move out even with my student loan. I'm very close to my siblings but they weren't aware that I wasn't invited on the holiday they assumed it was everybody, and my sister and bro both said they were being unfair and have tried talking to them but it's just made them even more grumpy with me for 'stirring' :S. Don't feel like I can win either way really. I think it's because if one of my parents and I have an argument they back each other up and leave me out. This time I accidently left the ham and butter out after making a sandwich for school the next day and they went crazy even though I cleaned it up as soon as I realised like 2 mins later. Also thanks very much for your advice :).
Curios0hot: They dont like me because I left the ham and butter out accidently after making a sandwich (which is so petty) and they went crazy saying I was really selfish and lazy. I cleaned it up straight away but from then on they've both been ignoring me. Its just little things like this and they wont talk to me for weeks :S. Even my brother who keeps out of these things tried to defend me saying they were acting over the top, but it's like even when I'm friends with them again they begrudge me and still leave me out.
A
female
reader, curious0hot  +, writes (2 February 2010):
 Oh my goodness! I am so sorry to hear your family is treating you that way. I feel sad just thinking about it. I can definitely understand why you feel hurt/low.
I would say try opening up and talking to them about your feelings, but they really don't seem care.
I assume you still want them in your life, or live with them and need them in your life.
I advise you to hope for the best, but expect the worst when dealing with them. This should soften the blow a little when they're so cruel.
Do you have any idea why they dislike you?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): You still live at home? Do you study or work? If you do not work, and you are in school, and living with your parents, aren't they legally responsible for you? I do not know your country's laws, but in Norway parents are financially responsible for their children until they are finished with their education.
I think that if you do live at home with your parents, then you are a part of the family too, and should be included! Have you talked to your boyfriend about this? Maybe he could give you some good advice as he knows the situation well, and sounds like the one you are closest too.
What does your siblings think about this? Do you have a close relationship with them? It is simply nonsense that you should not be included in the family life, particularly that vacation they took without you sounds horrible. But do they include you in other things, and these two/three times were the only times they didn't?
I am puzzled about who to point the finger at as well. You do not sound that close with any in your family, as neither mom or dad or either sibling cared to inform you about the trip they were going on. Please inform your family that you are a part of the family, your boyfriend is not, and you would still like to be included with your family's life, and not be pushed on to your boyfriend.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (1 February 2010):
I would try speaking to your Dad. Your mum is coming across as really cruel to be honest, saying that she hates you. And I have a feeling that it is to do with jealousy towards you. Try sitting down with your Dad and talking to him instead.
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