A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:When the pandemic hit - I like many others ended up having my hours at work cut drastically. I tried for months and months to get a full time job or another part time job to go alongside my existing job but with no luck.I have a mortgage and bills to pay and I’m single and don’t have anyone to rely on financially - I never have.Then one day some friends told me I should start my own cake making business and they’d support me. I have always made cakes for friends and family for various occasions- free of charge. Years ago I did a course in baking but never persued it as I had no time with my demanding job however seeing as know I had hours to spare I figured I’d go ahead.So I set myself up properly - got all my various health and safety certificates, did all my research so I knew what prices to sell at etc..What I’m disappointed with is the lack of support friends and family have given me. Everyone seems to be expecting discounts or freebies. Several friends who used to use me regularly to bake for them haven’t asked since I set up my business.Now I’m not expecting them to order fromme every month but now and again as they did in the past would help. Now I understand many people have been affected financially by Covid. Fortunately the majority of my friends and family haven’t been affected, i know this for a fact so please don’t tell me “ financially they probably can’t justify spending money on your cakes” when they are able too. Obviously if they were struggling financially I would completely understand and not be upset at them not ordering. My mum then told all friends I would give them my baked goods for 50% off - which is not doable as I just lose money. Now I have bern fair and given people tasters of angst info so they know what they taste like. The friends and family that have approached me want big discounts - my prices are reasonable and in line with other similar businesses. I’m just fed up of people happy to take advantage when things are free but not willing to pay for good quality products. I don’t know whether to persevere or to close down my business? Also I’ve explained to everyone I can’t afford discounts. How do I make them understand?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2022): You ask how you can make them understand that you cannot afford big discounts. They do understand but they do not care. They only care about getting big discounts, no matter how it affects you. If they had their way they would have you baking all day (and washing up) just to cover your costs where they only pay for the flour etc, with not one penny in it for you to cover your time or your expenses such as using the oven. The way they see it is do it their way or don't bother. There way is where they get a free cake or a very cheap cake. Anything else is not on their radar. You need to toughen up and think more logically when you run a business. You cannot expect to have an instant customer base by going to people you know. You may think it saves you finding real customers but all you are getting is selfish freeloaders and users. After all, there is nothing to stop these women baking their own cakes and having all the washing up and hassle themselves. But if they can pass that all on to you without cost to them that is wonderful, for them. These people are not friends. Real friends have more consideration for the other person.
As for your mother telling them that they will get a big discount. Your mother is a total idiot! She has no right to discuss your terms and prices and decide them for you either. Maybe she thought that as long as you keep busy and do lots of baking you will be happy - without looking at the financial thing.
I know a lady who used to do free tarot card readings for "friends" "neighbours" and acquaintances. She also worked full time and had other commitments and obligations so time was very limited for her. Because her readings were free she would get people ring her for a TWO HOUR chat! No thought to how she had been at work all day and then needed to have a bath, have a meal, maybe go out, it was all about them. Everyone assumed she was just there to make their lives better. Many of them would go their through thing with her for two hours - more if they could - and then ring back again later that evening to go over it again. This is what happens when things are free. They are not appreciated. She then found that these people would recommend her to others so there were more and more people wanting this.
It got to the point where she was either at her paid job all day or constantly fully booked or with the phone ringing non stop the rest of the time. She got behind with going out, shopping, housework, seeing her boyfriend and all the other things that come into a normal life. I noticed that none of these people ever said thank you to her, nor did any of them have the decency to bring her a bunch of flowers, chocolate or a little gift as a sort of payment. She woke up and the penny dropped when one of the people who turned up for a long free session turned up in a very expensive car, wore loads of expensive gold jewellery, expensive designer clothes, very posh, terrific well paid job,and once again wanted hours and hours with no thanks and not even a bar of chocolate! The worm turned. She said from now on I charge so much. And no more sessions on the phone without arrangement.
She knew that a lot of these freeloaders would disappear then, that is what she hoped for, she was better off without them. Four years later she was running a very successful tarot and psychic business with dozens of staff, being offered work writing books, appearing on television and radio,celebrity clients and lots of money coming in.
You need to be business minded and hard for that to happen
Kindness - with business - just gets taken for granted,
and it is all a one way street.
I know a guy who used to work as a maintenance man. He did all sorts of maintenance work for all sorts of people. It was his full time job and how he paid his rent etc. Then he became very ill - heart problems - and he was forced to retire. As soon as people heard it had retired they would ask him to go and put shelves up or decorate a room or re landscape their garden - all for free. Some would offer him $10 to do what he would have charge $200 for before!
Nobody cared that he had rent to pay, food to buy, they just used the fact that he had retired as an excuse to take advantage if they could.
I work as a therapist. I have lost count of the number of strangers I have met who say something like "I get a lot of depression and anxiety, when I get a bad episode and need a listening ear and advice I will pop into yours for a good long chat". No thought to how I might be busy with a client who made an appointment - where it is not convenient - and no thought to paying. If they try to come around they expect to be able to sit there for hours and hours boring me to death and picking my brain, with no thought to how a paying client is limited to 45 minutes! These people are not friends, just people I have met once or twice and barely know where we probably don't even know each other's names! Anway I've got more sense to take on people who are drama queens and forever wanting to talk about their own problems every time we meet as friends. My friends are more able to understand themselves and sort out their own lives, same as me. They come to me because they like me, not because I save them money on going elsewhere.
It's easy to get people to want your baking when it is free - it's very different when they have to pay their way. Then they prefer to keep their money and not bother. I would also be interested to know if these friends ever bother to ring you for a proper job or get together with you for a proper social evening out like a party or get together, or do they only want to know you when it will result in a free cake?
Can you see the common theme here? How do you know these people you can friends really are if they expect you to work for them for free? What do they do in return to make that fair? Would they clean your house for you, tidy up the garden, walk your dog, no? It's you giving and them taking. How do you find the time to stay on top of your chores etc if you spend loads of time baking for others? Are you going to hire a gardener/cleaner to do the things you are too busy to do because you are busy working for free? How would you be able to afford that and why should you? Where is the sense in paying people to do stuff for you because you are busy working for free? You cannot expect people to be kind and nice and fair to you just because it suits you. You have to dictate the terms of your business, your ethics, what you are happy to do or not do. It is then up to them to say yes please or no thanks. But if you let them decide everything you just end up used and working for free - even worse at your own expense.
A
female
reader, QueenCupcake +, writes (28 April 2022):
 You need to focus on targeting others rather than just friends and family. Create Facebook groups and pages, advertising your business.
As for friends and family, put your foot down. Remind them that you’re trying to run a business.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2022): Congrats on your new business!
Considering this other thing... I hear you!
It is HARD. I won't tell you otherwise.
Before I say anything else, please don't waste your energy on how it's not fair for them not to want to pay for something, but expect to get it for free anyway.
It's just a waste of your time. It is what it is.
You need to be kind, but clear. I would say something like "I would really like to be able to give you guys my cakes for free, as I had always done before I started my business, but right now I need to stop losing money to be able to survive. Thank you very much for your support!"
And this (or something similar) needs to become your mantra. The more you say it, the more you'll get used to it. However don't expect them to stop pressuring you. You cannot count on that. YOU need to defend your boundaries.
I'm sure that some of them will get it. I am also sure that some of them won't for whatever reason. But you need to be tough.
And please, since it's friends and family members, do not vent to them about what problems you might be having with some other friends and family members. It will come back to bite you in the a**. Keep it to yourself. You'll toughen up.
I bake breads, salty pastry even some simple cakes. And I like to share them, but I also hate being taken for granted which happens sometimes. My husband is so used to homemade spaghetti, gluten-free breads, all sorts of “pitas” that he sometimes feels bad when he has to eat something not made from scratch, for him extraordinary has become ordinary. You see where I’m getting at? I GOT HIM USED TO THAT. And that needed to change.
You too have gotten your friends used to free baked goods. But that was in a different context! Now you have a business to run. You are right, and they are wrong. It will be unpleasant if you are the kind of person that has difficulties with saying no to people (I know I am… if I don’t watch out I’m such a people pleaser), but this unpleasantness will pass. Just stick to your guns and make no exceptions. Otherwise, they won’t take you seriously.
Good luck with your business!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2022): Unfortunately people are selfish and mean.You've been very kind and generous to them so they want that to continue - but any relationship where one takes and one gives all the time ends up going wrong - for the giver. This is what is happening now - for you. To run a business successfully you need to know your subject well. You have two subjects one is baking/cakes. The other is people. You knew a lot about cakes. Now you are finding out how people really are deep down. It's a good thing to know it. If these friends were kind and decent they would say to themselves to order a cake from you now and then just to support you and help you rather than buying from the shop all the time. But all they see is that they have to give you money - oh dear, diddums. To be honest it is not worth selling to friends anyway as time is money. I knew a woman who did what you did and she would have a "friend" come around to get a cake she had ordered. She would hang around for an hour for her to arrive, sell her the cake, make her coffee and have a long chat etc. The profit for about six hours of her time was maybe fifty pence in total. Because the time someone expects you to stand there chatting etc when they collect counts too! You will learn.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (27 April 2022):
 Talk to your mom, she is ruining your business.
"My mum then told all friends I would give them my baked goods for 50% off"
Seriously? How are you to make it a successful business if you can't make a profit?
"The friends and family that have approached me want big discounts - my prices are reasonable and in line with other similar businesses. "
You need to tell them no. And work on building your customer base from people you are NOT related to or know.
Very few successful businesses (if ANY) are built on a customer base of family and friends.
You need to be clear that you are still in the process of building your business and if you can't make a profit you can't grow, until the business is a banging success you CAN NOT afford to give huge discounts. To anyone. you just need to be firm and say I wish I could but it's not doable. Also, ask them, if your boss asked you to come in and work overtime every day for free, would YOU do that? My guess is no. People want free stuff all the time these days. They think they are all "influencers" *eye roll*.
I have been asked to cater on a couple of occasions, I could do it but I don't have the health certifications, the storage, and serving abilities. That would be extra costs and if I added that onto the price for food and labor I would not be cheap at all. It's not worth it for me. But I'm also not trying to start a catering firm. If I was, the "the health certifications, the storage, and serving abilities." would be an investment for me.
If you think you can make it work and IF you can find a VIABLE PAYING customer base, then go for it. However, You really need to work on a business model and tweak it. If you can't find people WILLING to pay for your products maybe it's time to do something else.
But as I said earlier, you CAN NOT base a successful business on a customer base of friends and family. And giving hefty discounts. It's not realistic.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2022): I guess all you can do is explain to them that this isn’t a hobby any more, it’s your source of income. Then you give them the price list and if they want to order, they will, or if they want to find another friend to ‘sponge’ off (excuse the pun), or decide to bake their cakes themselves, then it’s up to them. You will need to look outside your friendship and family circles to make a business work anyway. So I suggest you forget about whether your friends want to order from you or not and focus your attention on recruiting new customers - people you don’t already know. Perhaps some of those friends who you previously baked for can repay the favour for you now by spreading the word about your new business venture?
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