A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok so this is going to be long i apologize in advance. So recently i messaged my ex boyfriend who i hadnt seen in 10 mos. I basically told him i was upset about the way things ended and i wanted to see him and talk a little bit to kind clear up why everything happened the way it did. I was under the impression that we could both be mature adults and just discuss the past. I was wrong. We ended up arguing about things that happened a year ago, which made me think that maybe neither one of us was quite over everything that happened, i know i wasnt but i didnt know he wasnt. Anyways, that whole myspace conversation ended badly. Next thing i know i'm hanging out with one of my best girlfriends and she wants to hang out with her new potential boyfriend. I was willing to tag-a-long and have an adventure, unbeknownst to me hes one of my exs bestfriends from childhood. So apparently when my bestfriends potential boyfriend[we'll call him bob] found out that she was bringing me he told my ex [well call him Beam]. Beam then decided to tell his friends that i was a stalker.....yah. Now when i found out Beam was going to be there, i have to admit i was kind of excited, me being cursed with false optimism, thought that maybe this was going to be the perfect opportunity to get all this shit off my chest. WRONG! I get in bobs car thinking everythings cool when bob then asks me if im a stalker....yah. So i laugh and say "no of course not!" already knowing where all this bullshit is coming from, safe to say the whole night was ruined. I was so irate i didnt say a word to beam i just sat there and talked to his friends [who liked me by the way, points for me!]. Then, dun dun duh! more disaster, bob takes his car back to his house so beam has to take me and my friend to my house. Now this man is no stranger to my house so i didnt even have to give him directions, [which wouldve bothered him im sure], the only thing i ask him [while were driving in his white bmw thats an almost exact replica of the car i drove when we were together] is if he can take the child lock off the windows so i can get some fresh air, to which he replies "NOBODY touches my windows!" real mature right? So i let that one roll of my back and start talking to my bestfriend, about nothing in particular definitely nothing that has anything to do with him. his response? immediately turns the music up so loud i cant even here myself think....yah. So me and the bestie get to my house when she tells me that Beam told his friends that i went through his phone, and hacked his myspace twice! WTF??!?!?! im sitting here like, um..."are u serious?" Just to make things clear, ive NEVER hacked his myspace and have never made physical contact with his phone because drumroll... im not a stalker.What made me so angry [and hurt] was that after 2 years of being together the best thing he could say about me was i'm a stalker!? im beyond insulted. Not only is that soooo degrading but it really hurt my feelings. :[ So here i am, lying if i said i didnt still have feelings for him. totally humiliated and angry and trying to understand what to do. i mean obviously messaging him doesnt work. I just want him to listen to me for 10 minutes if that but he cant do that without having some inane comeback for everything i say! whats even suckier is i feel like i cant move on until i fully understand everything thats happened so now im stuck in a mexican stand off with a guy whos bullheaded and delusional and who im possibly still in love with. Help please...?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2010): Cindy Cares - Thank you for what you said. It IS a closure issue. The reason its an issue is because i just broke up with my most recent boyfriend of 6 mos because i had all these seesawing emotions. Obviously you can't have a relationship if you dont know where your heads at you know what i mean? So i messaged the ex to see if i could "FIX" myself lol
Jmtmj - Thank You, your right. my treatment should be my first priority. Dont ask me why i didnt think of that lol I feel slow now haha
Griffo - Thank You as well, i appreciate your input. What you said helped a lot, i do need to find someone less caught up in the drama and gossip of it all.
A
male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (23 June 2010):
 I would tell him to get grow up! It is really immature behaviour and anyone who believes it who has not met you personally is also immature. A man does not put up with this bullshit and it's obvious these friends of yours are not men but little pussy boys who have nothing better to do but say stupid things.
It was obviously done just to piss you off, no other reason. Anyway just tell them who ever they heard it from is a wanker and probably has nothing better to do than pull ones own. Laugh at it!
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (23 June 2010):
 Ergh, why did you have to call them Bob, Beam and bestfriend, I kept getting them all mixed up ;)
Don't hold out hope for getting any meaningful closure from him when he responds like this after 10 months... can't you just get closure from your own conclusion... being that he's a jerk to you...?
P.S. 10 months is a long time to wait to start seeking closure though, I must admit.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 June 2010):
 The only way out of this stand off is the one you are probably unwilling to take : just shrug, say " too bad " and move on with your life.
Beam sounds like an idiot, ok, but I must say you sort of called upon yourself the recent developments. Why do you go contact him after 10 months about something that happened over a year ago. It's past. It's gone. It's over.
Move forward,nor backward.
Many women have this obsession with "closure " ( I have had it too ) but the only effect it has it's keeping you stuck in the past and fueling feeling of bitterness, anger, humiliation, and whatnot.
Maybe you were right and he was wrong, so ? What do you care about being right - care about being happy, about having a healthy emotional life, about finding a new bf without dragging with you any baggage from the past.
In your case, when he accuses you of having been stalking him, either he is in good faith due to some misunderstanding that it would take too much time and energy to clear, or he is not in good faith therefore he is a malicious spiteful individual that you'd better avoid.
Just let it go- the best revenge is...not giving a damn .
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