| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: Hi I am only 13 years old, which is young. Recently I have found myself falling for my part-time boss. I dont know whether this is love or lust. He is about 36 and I know it probably won't be serious. I am getting mixed messages from him.
View related questions:
mixed messages, my boss Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2007): Maybe, your relationship with your own father needs to be looked at? Are you making up for the lack of attention or affection shown by your own father?
A
female
reader, Delila +, writes (31 August 2005):
Its OK and also really common for young girls to fancy older men. It happened to me so I know how you feel. Some times its down to your luck whether the man you fancy is a good one or a bad one. If he is a good man you will know because he would never ever make any sexual advances to you. If he is a bad one then you might be in trouble because bad ones prey on innocence and vulnerablity.
Delila
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2005): I agree wholeheartedly, with all the below advice given to you. You definitely have just a crush. The mixed messages are likely your own misinterpretations. He is treating you with respect and being nice to you, only because you work with him. And like Bev says..he could sense your feelings and he's feeling flattered, awkward and a bit disturbed by it all. It's highly likely he is married with kids your own age and he very well could never "fathom" a situation like this! Hun, any thoughts of dating a man this age, is dangerous and foolhardy of you, not to mention against the law.
Yes, there are sickos out there whom we all term as predators who date very young teen girls. These older men often date girls because they believe they can coerce them into having sex? Statistics show that ddult men father two thirds of pregnancies to underage girls. It's not just wrong, it is against the law. Teens who are in sexually coercive relationships don't recognize that their relationship is unhealthy. But the law in place to protect her. A minor cannot consent to a sexual relationship with an adult. The teen, even if she thinks she is choosing the relationship, is still a victim in the eyes of the law. One has to ask why an older man woukd be interested in someone so many years his junior. Is this a pattern in his life? Does he perhaps have difficulty communicating with people his own age? Or does he need the age difference to put him in a position of authority in the relationship – a position he might not be able to pull off with a woman his own age and one has to ask WHY? Lots of questions to think about.
Sweety, find boys your own age to date and get out there and have fun. You are so young, so vibrant and you owe it to yourself to explore all that life has to offer. I wish you well, my dear. Take care and good luck.
Hugs and Smiles, Irish
...............................
A
female
reader, jojo +, writes (16 August 2005):
If your getting mixed messages then i'm sorry to say i think he doesnot fancy you, but he feels you fancy him and now he feels awkward about it. Does this sound funny to you, 13 year old (you)and a 36 yearold(boss)together in a relationship, yes! thats because it is wrong, i think that what your experiencing is a crush on an older guy, everybody has it at some point in there lives so your not alone we have all been there, but not eveybody acts on it. I would leave it alone and save this time to learn a lesson about staying young and acting your age because believe me if you act on this you will grow up much quicker than you want to. Have some time with people you own age first have fun with dating and doing all the things your boss has done and doesent do anymore because be is waiting for Mrs boaring to Marry and cook him his tea, do you want to be Mrs boring? anyway your young and you should have lots of fun when your young because when your older and you look back you will always look back to good times in your teenage years and forget averything else you have done over the years the teen years always stay a happy memory for me anyway! and hopefully for you too. Good luck i hope you do the right thing and have fun take care jojox
...............................
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (16 August 2005):
 The "mixed messages" are probably that he's flattered about your crush on him, but he probably feels awkward because of your age differences.
There isn't any way in the world that this is going to work, not least of all because you won't even be "legal" for at least another few years... about the time the object of your affection is around 40.
Now, as soon as I post this, a whole stack of young women will wade in to the discussion and insist that there are 20+ years between them and their partners and everything's JUST GREAT! Well, maybe. But, hon, I've been there. Thirty years separated me and my "boyfriend", but in the end, he was only after me for sex and to keep himself from feeling old. We had nothing to talk about and I eventually "outgrew" him.
There's a power imbalance in relationships where the ages are so disparate, and it ends up with him having all the say in everything, because "he knows better", and you being the "silent partner" all the time. You'll begin to resent being treated like an idiot. These sorts of relationships just doesn't work, for that, and for a dozen other reasons.
So, recognise this for what it is: a crush. You'll get over it and move on to other crushes and other guys. Get to know guys your own age. For a start, you'll have a lot more to talk about with boys in their teens. Just be open and friendly with guys and you'll find lots of them want to get to know you.
But if you find yourself in the intimate company of 36-year-old guys, it's a dangerous situation. Adult men who try to go out with 13-year-olds aren't interested in holding hands and whispering sweet nothings in the moonlight. They're generally after (illegal) sex and quite possibly, someone they can bend to their own will. Steer clear!
...............................
A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (15 August 2005):
 First of all honey, you are jail bait!! Sorry to say that ...but that is what you are if this is what is happening. Any 36 year old man who is interested in a 13 year old girl is to say the least sick. It is just a crush on your part and disrespect on his part. Your parents would probably flip! Sweetheart...don't go this route...like someone your own age. I am sorry but he is way out of your league and if he encourages it with you...you need to let the cops know. This is ridiculous.
...............................
|
