A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I are in dire financial straits. My husband has a big fault; he is too generous. It will most definitely help him get into heaven but it's not helping much here......right now. He was took to the cleaners by an ex wife and then a girlfriend. Since we've been together, he has been sued twice by credit card companies and lost (for credit cards he gave the girlfriend because he felt sorry for her). We are paying a mortgage he took out to help pay her living expenses when she lost her job. She was supposed to pay him back (famous last words) but left him holding the bag instead. We are literally squeaking by and he and I are working full time. My earnings are going toward paying off debts that were incurred by other women before I ever met him.His mother has some money socked away. She told me (when a collector called her house asking for my husband) that she always told her children if they needed help to come to her. His pride will not let him do it. I've begged him and he refuses.I love my husband dearly but resent living like a pauper when I make good money and knowing how he fluffed money off on the other two. I've seen pictures of the girlfriend with huge gold bracelets on her wrists that he admitted he bought for her.Should I risk going to his mother myself and asking for help and having my husband furious at me or do I continue skimping by on nothing, waiting for a miracle and resenting him every day that passes? I love him dearly but feel almost like I'm being used. Also, before anyone asks.......I was aware he was having "some" financial troubles when we married but what he told me didn't even scratch the surface of the true situation.
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debt, ex-wife, his ex, money Reply to this Question
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male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (30 June 2010):
 Thank you for the follow up, but my advice doesn't change. That he incurred the debts prior to your marriage doesn't change the fact that you are being dragged down into poverty with him. Your choice is to carry on funneling your earnings into his pit of debt (as seems to be the status quo), or to do a financial planning exercise. The financial planning will show you whether there is indeed an end to his debt payments with enough left over for you to retire together in some comfort. If not, if he has made open-ended committments, then you have to decide whether you want all your hard-earned money to go to the women who came before you in his life.
A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (30 June 2010):
 Your mother-in-law needs her money to take care of herself, not dig her son out of a mess he put himself in by being foolish. Your husband should speak to an attorney about filing for chapter 13 bankruptcy and get his debts reorganized. If he's been sued his credit is already shot to hell, so it won't hurt him to do this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMaybe I didn't make myself clear. This was "past" behavior of my husband. The repercussions are happening NOW! I certainly would not allow this to be going on in our marriage. However, these expenses have come back to bite him in the butt and being his wife, I seem to be along for the ride (and to help pay) He's a good man. He just let himself be leeched by these women. He can't take back what he did. It's done. The bills remain.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (30 June 2010):
 Asking his mum for the money is only a temporary fix. His behavior toward his ex'es has to change, otherwise he'll just hand over more money to them later when they come crawling with a new problem. What is he trying to prove anyhow?....Your marriage needs counseling first (like you could afford that!) Maybe you can ask his mom to help with the counseling bills and some of the other debt. He may get mad but the two of you need to get out from under the cloud of oppression and start living your lives. Maybe once it's out in the open, he'll be more frugal with his funds.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (30 June 2010):
If your posted age is accurate you seriously need to be saving for retirement, not paying for whatever open-ended commitments your husband has taken on. Sounds like you're headed for a retirement of eating cat food, despite working hard and making good money. By all means approach his mother. But what you really need is a full, comprehensive accounting of his financial obligations. If there's no realistic end in sight, you may very well have to simply save yourself and leave him with his debts.
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A
female
reader, ctds001 +, writes (30 June 2010):
From what he's Mum said she is waiting for her Children to request the money. If she wanted you to have the money she would have offered you it, to help pay off the collectors bill etc.
I can't help feeling that you may not get a good reaction if you ask on he's behalf.
Maybe you could try to go and talk to her about he's financial problems (mention he is too embrassed to tell her)and see if she offers the money to him directly.
Good luck x
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A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (30 June 2010):
Well you are the crazy one Ex or no ex would my husband ever supply them w/ my money or his!you talk as tho its ok
like a normal conversation. no wonder he can?
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