A
male
age
41-50,
*lick
writes:I am old. Almost 35 and separated 6 months ago with a kid, in what was a loveless relation since years and maybe never.Anyway it did not work because I chosed for me a wrong kind of partner. A woman which was very self centered and not so much family oriented.After ending the relationship I decided to think carefully about the type of woman I want and then find her. Unfortunately I met one that I fall in love very hard, maybe like never before, but which is not the type of woman I want. In fact she is the opposite. I want to have a stable family with a woman I care for and that will be happy to give some of her time to look after a family and kids together. But I end up falling for an super active self centered woman.I really like her and we really get along but I know that eventually this will not work out as bigger questions might arise.Should I just break up before wasting more of each other time? Or enjoy our time together and see if maybe with a little time and more love she might feel the want to share something more together? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (11 October 2012):
 I have never been one to hide my feelings... so I'd come right out and discuss it after 3 months I think it's enough time.
A
male
reader, ulick +, writes (11 October 2012):
ulick is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for your answers.We where not married.Are pretty much done settling child support and other separation related stuff. Nor arguments or fights, it just took a while to get it sorted.Nope I have not talked to her about it, infact I feel it might be really to soon after barely 3 months.I think if I bring it up it might kill the relationship as we might not be in the same place at this stage and she might be scared.However this kind of really bothers me a lot. I would really like to have a conversation with her on what her future expectations are and goal about our relationship and life and family etc. But I know if this does not kill the relationship, she will say she does not have any because the way she is.She is turning 29, she is not a teen ager, so I feel both the personal need to figure it out and out of consideration for her that I don't want to wasted her time.I need a soft way to introduce issues such as "do you wanna have kids eventually in general", "do you wanna get married" and so on.But I am bit frightull to do it.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 October 2012):
35 is NOT old. stop that.
IF you are currently seeking a stable long term permanent relationship and the woman you are seeing is not seeking that then yes you should not waste her time or your time...
BUT that being said I am as CindyCares called me "the mother of all exceptions to all rules"
my FWB buddy and I just got married last week... he was in it for fun and games... and so was I... but within 6 or 7 months we knew it was not fun and games and we were in love and we got married.
you are only separated 6 months... you haven't even had time to heal from the loss of that relationship.
do you need to get a divorce still or were you never married?
have you worked out custody and child support issues?
if not fix those first then re-evaluate with the current partner... if after that you are still wanting more than she is wanting it will be time to leave.
have you told her what you want?
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (11 October 2012):
 First of all 35 is not old, not in my book anyway. If she is not the type of woman that you want then why are you with her. You say that you have fallen in love with her very hard, like never before, then you say she's not the type of woman you want. I think sometimes you have got to give a relationship a chance, look for positive aspects about people instead of the negatives, stop being to picky about things you are looking for and go with the flow. If after giving it some time and you still feel the same then maybe break up. But i feel that the next person you meet you are going to finding the same faults, and with the one after that too. Nobody's perfect, very rarely can we meet someone who meets everything on our wish list.
Good luck
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