A
female
age
30-35,
*ucy.whittaker
writes:Hi there,I've not written anything here in a while - I've not needed to! I've been in a happy and stable relationship for two and a half years. However I've had something playing on my mind and I need to get it out.My other half went to Canada for work for 2 weeks and while he was away I thought it would be a good opportunity to get out and meet some new friends in town. I went out with some people I met on an online meet-up group and most were really nice and I had a fun night. The problem is I met a guy who i really got I with. Too much. I told myself finding him attractive wasn't a problem so I went to another meet later in the week. At the end of the evening we had been left talking alone. He walked my to my bus stop and gave me hug, but then leaned in to kiss me. I pushed him away at first (he knew about my boyfriend) but a got carried away in the moment and let him when he tried again. It went no further and I apologied for letting it happen. When he texted me the next day I told him I didn't want to be in touch with him anymore as I realised we couldn't just be friends with that kind on energy around us. However since then (last week) I've been feeling a little sad about it. Almost like I miss him, even though I hardly know him. It's more that excited, bubbly feeling I miss. And I'm really scared by that because I love my boyfriend and I don't want this to become an issue. I want to inject some more fun into the relationship again but I don't know how to approach it. I told him about the guy, but not how I felt about it, only that I pushed him away and don't want to see him again, which is true.So essentially my question is, how can I put the spark back into my relationship so that I don't feel tempted by the excitement of a new relationship? I really do want to be with my boyfriend, we have a future together and I'm happy with him. We can't live together yet (financial and circumstances with work) and we don't get enough time to enjoy ourselves as his landlord doesn't let me stay and I live with my family. I'm scared that if I don't do something about this I will only meet someone else and feel like this again. He's a very kind and laid back person and I often feel as though he doesn't quite understand why I worry about things so much so I don't want to scare him when I approach him with this. Any suggestions?Sorry for the long post, happy to give more details if need be :)XxX
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female
reader, lucy.whittaker +, writes (12 October 2012):
lucy.whittaker is verified as being by the original poster of the question The guys was very single and very interested. But you are both right, it wasn't him personally, just the feeling of being wanted in a really physical way. It's difficult to get that with someone who has seen you in all your most off-putting situations. Having read these and spoken to my best friend it felt a lot better that this isn't me being a bad person. If anything it's good that I've been able to recognise the feelings that got me into a bad place years ago. I sat down with him last night, he knew there was something wrong and I had to explain. He just seemed shocked and very sorry that I was feeling 'neglected' as he put i and we talked about what we could change. My advise to you Beile would be to talk to him soon and don't let any feelings for anyone else go any further. If I'd seen him again the guilt and the attachment to him personally (he was a really nice, good looking charming guy and had I been single I would certainly have wanted to see him again) would have made the honest conversation much more difficult. Haha, giving advise on my own question! Just can't help myself! Thank you for your answers though, they were really helpful. Lucy XxX
A
female
reader, Beile  +, writes (11 October 2012):
 Oh my, you're in the same situation as me.I was about to write in something related to that issue.Just like Person12345 said,It's the Newness, not the Guy. Things do get boring after awhile, so it's time to do something new.If your boyfriend's away, just remind yourself of what Person12345 said.It's easy to sway when you get that heart-throbbing and fuzzy feeling from someone else that you used to get from your Boyfriend.All you have to remember is that the feeling won't last forever. Like how you would be happy with something new that you bought but after awhile, you get bored of it, chucking it aside.And think about the Loyalty and Trust you get from Boyfriend.Newer guys aren't that promising in that areas.You'll never know.And yep, it's time to try something new.Hope you (Or We) can get the Spark back!And um, it's that new guy single or taken?
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (11 October 2012):
 There's always someone newer out there and you just have to keep reminding yourself it's the newness, not the guy. Remember when you first met your boyfriend? I bet you got those same bubbly excited feelings. If you get a new boyfriend, those bubbly feelings will go away too.
Now the hard part, getting them back. It's easy once you're in a committed relationship to get cozy and comfortable. Fall into a routine. Go to the same restaurants you love, go to the movies, cuddle up on the couch, have sex in your own beds, and be happy. The problem is that is boring. It feels nice, it makes you happy, but it's not stimulating.
Since you can't have a new boyfriend, you need to make new situations. Your brain won't care what's new, just that something involving him is new and it will bring back that spark. Even trying a new odd restaurant is good. My boyfriend and I plan weekly adventures (daily when it's nice out) where we take very long walks around our city exploring or bike around. That combination of new places and situations plus endorphins from exercising is fantastic.
You don't have to go skydiving or travel around the world, just doing anything new will help. It's ideal if it's out of your comfort zones.
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