A
female
age
30-35,
*annielab
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. He used to be the sweetest guy and as soon as we god together he changed his relationship status on Facebook to In a Relationship, he would always come to see me, he would write sweet messages to me on my wall, etc (he seemed proud to show his friends he had a girlfriend). We broke up and got back together about a month ago but we had been seeing each other for about three months already, we would have sex, he would tell me he loved me, etc. but that he was unsure of getting back together with me. After a while I got really desperate of not knowing where we were and of waiting and waiting and waiting. So I told him that if he wanted to keep doing everything as if we were a couple, we would have to be a couple. We argued about that and later that day he asked me to be his gf. I said yes but to be honest I felt like shit because obviously he didn't want us to be a couple (he obviously didn't want to lose me either).It's been a month since that and he isn't really the guy he used to be. It's 9pm and I haven't heard from him at all throughout the day and it's always like this... he does eventually message me and tells me to come over at least 4 days a week and that's fine but I loved it when he would text me with sweet things as he used to do before the break-up.And nowww, I don't know, I probably shouldn't make a big deal about this but it really upset me. I know it might sound silly but I do think it represents something big about the way he feels about the relationship. He had not wanted to have me as a friend on facebook (we deleted each other after the breakup) and eventually I convinced him because it made me feel like he was seeing someone else or hiding something from me, he eventually added me but removed the notification from his wall. I had been asking him to put in his relationship status that we are in a relationship (for the same reason, because this way he would prove me that I'm the only one), he would tell me no and every time I asked him he would give me different excuses (really dumb ones, like: "I hate it when people like my status" or things like that). Yesterday we had a big fight and one thing lead to another and I ended up telling him about the relationship status again. He left while we were still angry at each other and I guess, as a way to apologize, he sent me a request to be his gf. I was really happy and thought this proved it was serious or something and I told my friend about it and she said she can't see his relationships status. I mean, he totally tricked me, he adjusted the setting so that I am the only one who can see it and arghhh, I feel lied to, betrayed, confused... I know the whole Facebook thing is stupid but I do think this represents A LOT. I mean, is he cheating on me? Is he ashamed that his friends know we got back together? Any advice here would be nice. Should I confront him or just ignore it?I just hate this. We used to be like best friends, we could trust each other and now I feel like this whole thing is a lie...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (9 September 2011):
 I agree with Ciar - and would add that if you ended it the first time, your gut was being honest with you. Give yourself some credit and follow your gut!
Remind yourself about how crummy it felt to be in this relationship the second time around and concentrate on being ready for the next boy who is eager to treat you as well as this one once did.
If the first few days are likely to be the most tempting, then you only have a few days to be strong for and to distract yourself with fun things, and then the urges will fade and disappear.
Good luck. :-)
A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (9 September 2011):
 You're very welcome and glad to be of help.
You get through the next few days by remembering what you'll gain staying away from him. You won't have the insecurity of being with someone you suspect doesn't really want you. An end to the fighting. More free time for yourself. More time to spend with friends. The list goes on.
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A
female
reader, dannielab +, writes (9 September 2011):
dannielab is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hey everyone! Thanks for replying! It really did help me make a decision. I just got back from breaking up with him. I feel sad and lonely but I know it's for the best.
We had a good time before the first break-up but I guess it's over. Yesterday we had an argument about the whole FB think and that lead to us fighting over other things and I told him he wasn't the same person he used to be, I told him he wasn't caring anymore, etc. His answer to this was 'You ruined it. You killed the spark between us when you decided you didn't want to be with me anymore' (I was the one who broke up with him the first time for many reasons, I just wasn't happy anymore). That's where I realized that it was time for me to end it because there just isn't promising a happy future.
So anyway, I went up to his house and ended it. He got kind of aggressive but I didn't let it get in the way. I still told him what he had to hear. He said he would be waiting for me.. and arghh, I'm just scared that I might want to get back with him in the next few days so any advice on how to control that urge would be great!
Thanks again! I already knew this and I knew what was going on, I just didn't want to accept it and I guess I just needed to hear it from other people. Again, thanks a lot!!!
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A
female
reader, Lola1 +, writes (8 September 2011):
You have been given some good advice. All I am doing is adding my agreement here:
I think I recently said in another post that committing to someone is not just what we say to each other, but what we communicate to the world.
You are reacting correctly to this situation. Your gut is telling you the truth. The 'why' is not important (Is he seeing other people? Is he afraid of what his friends will say?); what is important is the 'what'. He is not investing in your relationship and he is not communicating to others that you are an item.
The only question left is what you will choose to do about it? Will you put up with being unhappy or will you choose to be single so that you are available for something better?
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (8 September 2011):
'So I told him that if he wanted to keep doing everything as if we were a couple, we would have to be a couple.' THAT is what you should have done in the very beginning. If you had, you'd be happier today.Your insecurity is not the result of how others have treated you, but from how you've allowed yourself to be treated. The one person you're supposed to be able to trust more than anyone else has let you down...again. That's YOU.A man must be certain he wants to be with you and only you, BEFORE you start doling out perks. If you're going to let him test drive you while he makes up his mind, expect a miserable ride.Ignore it and ignore him. Take some time and get yourself sorted out. Make a fresh start with someone new when you're ready.
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A
male
reader, Tom Obler  +, writes (8 September 2011):
 Hello,
If you forget about the Facebook things, just look at what happened. He was happy to have sex with you but not interested in a relationship. He didn't really want to be in a relationship, he just said it to make you hear what you wanted to hear. I do not think this man has a future for you as he is not jumping at the chance and is not excited about having a relationship. Sadly, I am afraid this man seems to be interested in the sexual side but not anything regarding boyfriend and girlfriend. He just is not interested enough. It's all games and changing status etc. You may have to move on from him I'm afraid.
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