A
female
age
36-40,
*egan1111
writes:I've been in a relationship with a man for about two years now. We both have children and our separate places. Our relationship is heading toward marriage so there are no insecurities.Although how sex life appears to be wonderful, a while ago he asked me if I was willing to try anal sex. Immediately, I said no and later apologized for my shock. We never argued about it but I am curious so I later told him if I ever wanted to I would initiate it, it could not. He seemed fine with this.My problem is none of my friends have tried it. The only information I have I found on the internet and it is simply, make sure you're ready, use lots of lube, go slow, etc...... I need to know if there are any regrets, did you wish you hadn't, did it change your man into a freak, was it a mistake, HOW YOU FELT AFTERWARDS.Trust me, I know the games men play but this is a new area for me because I love this man and for the first time I have found someone who loves me for just me. So sure I want to please him in anyway I can but if this is a bad idea I would like to know now. I don't like to start things I'm not willing to repeat.Please no details about the act itself, just let me know how you felt afterwards, how you feel now, and what happened in the relationship.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2009): the first time i had anal sex i was pressured into it by an awefull partner. now my partner and i have a good steady relationship and we love anal sex. it doesn't make me feel dirty or guilty. it's often times about how your partner makes you feel. your partner could make you happy with your dicision or not. if your partner is the way you say he is he will make you happy. anal sex may not be for everyone but how will you know till you try. it may be a bit painfull at first relax and striktly instruct your partner to go slow. if it still doesn't work try fingering yourself while he's in your ass. and if it's something you want to get in to just be patient and do it once or twice then make your decision. i personally feel awesome after anal sex. there's some fantastic orgasms in that. my partner still looks at me with the same respect and love. trying something is never a mistake
A
female
reader, a girl +, writes (17 January 2009):
 i have had anal sex .. and yes it is good advice to use lots of lube it hurts when you first start but after that it feels awsome !!my fiance loves it im not all that happy with but no i definitly dont regret it so i hope that that helps .
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A
male
reader, Horne +, writes (15 January 2009):
I'll give you a male perspective on this subject, even though you might not want one.My girlfriend/future wife/fiance (lol) hates it. She will do it and orgasms during it, but hates it. In talking to her, it's not the act she hates. In fact, she sorta likes the act. What she hates is.. liking it if that makes sense. It's a taboo sort of area for her - most of which probably comes from a conservative background topped off by a really bad experience years ago. Doesn't mean she's conservative, but those things you learn as a kid tend to hand around in your mind forever and cause all kinds of guilt trips. Knowing that, it's not something we do often. The state of mind has to be right, the atmosphere, the whatever you want to call it to make it right. If you're worried about how you would feel afterwards, I'd put some thought into that aspect of state of mind, atmosphere, and guilt.Bottom line though, nerves are nerves and are capable of feeling anything from extreme pain to extreme pleasure. The rest sort of sits in the mind and the method.
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A
female
reader, megan1111 +, writes (15 January 2009):
megan1111 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo far it doesn't sound that enjoyable, so I question why even doing it. I thought losing my virginity was bad until I gave birth. I swore I wouldn't do that again either but now I have two.I continue to monitor the responses and really appreciate the honesty.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2009): I've tried it several times with different people over the years (all of whom I've been seriously involved). It was always deliciously naughty until now. That's b/c my current partner and I have serious unresolved issues that of course spill over psychologically and negatively into the bedroom. We've had anal sex once or twice, but it was okay, and nothing earthshattering. At this point, I'd just as soon never do it with him again. That has nothing to do with the actual act of having anal sex - it has everything to do with our issues and our unhealthy relationship.
If you get to a point where you think you might want to try it, by all means do so. The worst that would probably happen is that you won't like the sensation and won't want to do it again.
I think it's great that he felt comfortable enough to ask you about trying it, and that he is respecting your feelings and not pressuring you to do it unless you are comfortable and ready.
I think so long as you and your man have a healthy, open, communicative relationship, and it sounds as though you do, you will be fine either way.
You may be surprised at yourself and find that you are thinking about it one night and decide to give it a try after all. If you never get there, don't beat yourself up over it. That's just you, and there's nothing wrong with that. We all have different tastes, likes, and dislikes.
Though physically speaking it really does nothing for me, when I am in a happy relationship, it is psychologically a big turn-on to have anal sex. I have never felt dirty, used, or anything negative after the fact. I was glad I tried it, and felt liberated in some sense at having done so. I felt as though I were now part of some elite group of people who have also tried it! Knowing that though many have, not everyone has done it.
I think there are negative repercussions only when you do something against your will, or do something before you are ready.
My only advice is not to do it unless YOU are ready to do it. Don't do it to please your man, though that would be very giving, of course. Do it b/c you want to try it, b/c you want to do it.
The relationships I had where we would have anal sex and I enjoyed it, ended for completely different reasons, having nothing to do with sex.
In those relationships, it was almost as if having anal sex brought us closer, b/c we were adding something to our repertoire that we were not doing with anyone else. It just added a level of excitement and specialness to our sex lives, and to our relationship in general.
As far as my current relationship, sex with him in general is becoming a turn-off to me, including anal sex (any sex for that matter). That's what happens when you find out someone so easily lies to your face.
To me, it sounds as though you two have a healthy sex life and a healthy relationship as a whole. Don't pressure yourself, and know that your man will still love you either way, no matter what you decide to do.
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A
female
reader, TheRabbit +, writes (15 January 2009):
 I've attempted this a few times, never successful. And I personally did feel awful, mainly because I ended up in a lot of pain. I honestly and personally don't recommend it. It seems that he's really just very curious. If you feel uncomfortable with it then try suggesting other intimate fantasies he has. I'd say mull it over or try explaining to him why exactly you are uncomfortable with it if you haven't already. Maybe he can help you through these discomforts or change his mind about it altogether.
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