A
male
age
51-59,
*onym
writes:I have got involved with a woman, from my karate club, then i thougt something was going on with her and my instructor, she denied it. As time moved on i felt there was something, eventually she broke down saying there was but he had been threatening her to stay with him. I gave my advice stay away, which she seemed to take. Last week on her day off she went to his house saying she had promised to help him with some painting and she was trying to keep him happy so he doesnt cause trouble, she told me she wants to be with me but she cant judt yet. I say ok we will see, now she text saying he is away next week do i want a coffee?? I suppose i want to see it as genuine but its not is it all about attention? I want to exit this game on a high can someone advise how best to do this??? I still hav to train with this pair !!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2012): Why would you want something from a woman who suffers low self esteem and can not uphold monogamy? Also that she lies about it.
I could see if she owned her sh*t and told you openly she is not monogamous; that you would be okay with her coming to you now and again when she wasn't getting it from the Instructor.
Sex addicts are not healthy people.
I agree that the BEST solution is find another place to train.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2012): I dont know how this can be that difficult. Next time u receive a txt from her. Just answer saying "Dont have time" just like that! She will get the message...U dont have to give any class of explanation! In the group..just act like nothing even happended...ignore them and do what u have to do.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (30 January 2012):
 Find a new dojo.
Those two desrve each other.
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A
female
reader, Lady Confused  +, writes (30 January 2012):
This woman is definitely playing you. She wants to keep the instructor from finding out about you. They most probably had a thing before you came along.
I would suggest that you break all contact but because of the "club" situation it is not that easy. So I agree, act as if nothing has happened and move on with your life.
If not, then this situation will eventually turn real ugly between you and the instructor. And she will be sitting on the side lines while you guys fight it out.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (30 January 2012):
 I would just rise above it and act like nothing has occured. If she asks you to go for coffee again, just say that you don't have time, she will soon get the message.
If things get too akward, consider finding another group.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (30 January 2012):
 Hi tonym,
No much to fuss about.
1) she's a liar. The excuse about trying to keep peace is absolutely rubbish and we both know that.
She's lying to you and to this man she's involved (instructor). My advice to you is, "run the other way". She's clearly a woman that doesn't understand loyalty and commitment. I guess it's in her character and she will never change. Just be glad that you are not seriously involved and emotionally attached to her. Be polite, no need to be rude or angry with her. Just be civil when you see them, and please do not accept her invitations to meet out side the class. What's the point of having a relationship with a liar? Even more so, why even be friends? All she's going to do is lie? Just politely decline her invites making whatever excuses you can come up.
Good luck/best wishes
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