A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I want to take my child away for a few months but Ex will not give permission.Should I just go and face the consciences when I get back?We are seperated but not legally. He is on the birth certificate.If anyone has been in this situation it would be great to hear how you resolved it? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionoldersister your post was very offensive.Anyone who has dealt with an abusive partner will tell you that however level headed you are in every other aspect of your life, the amount of fear they bring out of you is over whelming.Still with that in mind I still got on the stand twice to tell the truth about he's abusive ways. I have been a homeowner since 19, have my own business and have always worked.The only reason he can take me to court with a lawyer because he is a bum who doesn't work. Who pays no maintence.He DOES NOT have my child, he just promised to take me to court for EVERY decision regarding the child.I have now cancelled my tickets. I was upset because I pre-told him of my holiday since last year. Sorry for being a human being and unhappy an Ex can still control me.As for everyone else thank you for your comments.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (8 July 2010):
 Have you been in contact with Womens' Aid, to see if they can help guide you to some local and appropriate help?
http://www.womensaid.org.uk/default.asp
I think the way to approach is to look at it from the standpoint of the child. What is in the best interests of the child? What do you need to do to prove abuse and threats?
Rather than feeling helpless, which is what he is hoping, you should be gathering the evidence you need to prove that he is in fact, abusive and a threat to you and the child. Start planning.
I'm sorry about the holiday, but this is way more important than a vacation, in the long run. Twenty years from now, you'll be happy you sorted this out now rather than run away and hide, no matter how lovely the hideout.
Okay?
Get angry and PLAN. Get angry and prepare.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (8 July 2010):
I was worried this might happen to you. A judge has the power to say no, if it an be proved that you are taking the child away. I've not heard of it being used all that often. Your ex is clearly being abusive in his manner, so there is an option for you, and that is to record all your conversations from now on. Recorded proof of him saying that he will just take you back to court to get back at you will be enough for a judge to scold him. Also, go to this site.
http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/
and make an appointment. They offer totally FREE advice and may be able to help you here. Make use of it.
But if he has been abusive, you MUST RECORD ALL CONVERSATIONS. If it can be proved that he is unstable, and you have the recordings, you may be able to claim total or near total custody of your child. Do it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi,
Quick update, I've just been summons to court. The Ex is saying I'm going to abduct the child.
My holiday is booked it's 5 weeks long, has anyone ever had a judge say they can not go on holiday?
Just very worried as I have saved very hard for this, and now I am worried I could lose my money.
So depressed today, I'm not entitled to legal aid and money is very short. My Ex screamed at me that he'll take me to court constantly to get me back!! Sadly he is entitled to Legal Aid.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2010): if you are not legally separated then there is no custody order. hence, you can do whatever you want with your child. your only breaking the law if there is a custody order and you do not comply with it. my advice? petition for your divorce and request legal custody with visitation to the other parent as soon as possible. this gives you all the decision making power. i had the same issue with my ex and our 1 year old son and the police AND the court both said "if there's no custody order, you can take your child whenever, wherever, for however long you want". hope this helps!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your feed back.He's been very abusive in the past and doesn't want to negotiate with me.
I will talk to a lawyer tomorrow. The Ex is very controlling and can not understand that I do not want him back, for many reasons!
I can't believe I am going to have to ask he's premission for the forseeable future- it's very depressing after having the gutts to leave, for a better life.
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A
female
reader, ladyjaye +, writes (30 June 2010):
 i haven't been in this situation myself but first of all why wont he give you permission is it because he thinks he may not see the child again? most probably in my opinion... you need to do this the right way. how would you feel if he did the same? im sure you would not be willing to just let your child disappear possibly for good. even if you and your ex dont get along then try to explain the circumstances and even the dates you would want to go for. consider compromising on the length of time you are taking the child away for maybe your ex would be happier if it didnt sound so permanent... good luck!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (30 June 2010):
The only way is to go to court and hope the judge allows you to do it. It will depend on why you want to take the child away, so the reason needs to be a very good one. If you just take the child, you'll wind up in prison for kidnap and you'll lose your parental rights.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2010): Tough position. This is your child, but its also his child. This means 50/50. You cant take a child away for that amount of time, without approval from the other parent. If you were to leave, and return in a couple months, during that time, your ex can go to the police and have you charged with parental kidnapping ... is that something you want to be charged with ? But this is based on some sort of court order, so be careful. It really depends on what sort of custody you have.
You really do need to talk to a lawyer, or depending on where you are, some places offer family court services through the courts, and you can just go down, and file your application. It usualy just costs a few dollars to have someone affirm your application, then in front of the judge you go.
The legal consequenses of these actions are not worth it without knowing the law first hand.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 June 2010):
 I think you need to talk to a lawyer and have the custody and parental right done right.
You can in fact be facing more then an irate ex if you "just" do it.
Seek legal counsel. Be smart.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2010): Do not take your child away unless you have written consent from your husband.
One of my friends was going thru a divorce and she wanted to take her kids out of state to see the kid's grandparents for only three days. The ex-husband told her if she took the kids out of state, he will file kidnapping charges against her. So I would not take the kids out of state until a judge rules on who have custody of the children and what the visitation rights are.
Even if you have custody of your children in the future, ask you lawyer if you can take the kids out of state and if you need to get permission from him first.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2010): get legal help?
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