A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My ex had been dealing with a lot after our breakup and after a week of not talking he reached out asking to get dinner because he needed some company after a tough week (death of his family member). I said I couldn’t but that I’m sorry he’s dealing with that and I’ll send prayers his way. He then responded how I’m a shitty person and I’m never there for him when I need him. He apologized the next day then again got mad at me for posting pictures of me and my friends in our bathing suits and called me “insensitive” because he’s grieving. I don’t feel like I did anything wrong because he’s the one who ended it with me and I’m just moving on... up until now I had hope that I wanted us to get back together. But I feel like a punching bag almost. I’m not his girlfriend anymore so I don’t feel like I owe him this but am I a jerk for not being more caring?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2021): This is the kind of guy you do not spend time with or be friends with after the breakup.Controlling a bit isn't he? Have nothing to do with him.Block his number.You can not encourage him support him or even be nice to him.Why???Because this guy does not get it.Watch your back and stay safe as there are so many red flags here.I am serious here so please be careful.I am a lot older than you and have seen a lot and have seen this kind of situation before turn out super bad.Never go anywhere alone...be aware of what is around you.Some guys can get crazy offer the bteakup...he is one of them.Stay safe.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2021): Once you breakup, you don't owe your ex anything; except unpaid rent, your share of expenses, any loans you've taken, and to leave them alone!
Post-breakup contact is purely an emotional maneuver; to get sympathy, keep a door open, or to manipulate and intimidate.
You should strictly adhere to the "no contact rule." Block him from access to all your social media accounts. Don't open text messages or emails. Put a block on his number, or change yours.
Don't purposely flaunt how much fun you're having without him; because that's just being nasty and belligerent.
If you leave internet and phone access open, you are intentionally instigating drama; and that negatively reflects on your character and personality. If it is your intention to pour salt on the wounds; then our advice is wasted on a mean-individual who is just being toxic for the sake of being toxic. If he broke-up with you because of that; then he is getting a constant reminder of why it was necessary to do so.
Eventually, he'll realize it's best to move on.
You can send your condolences without becoming too personally-involved. It is only humane to show empathy for someone's loss due to a death of a loved-one. The timing is convenient, if his intention is to play on your sympathies; or to gain access once you have cut all ties. His life is his business now. If you choose to extend your condolences, that is strictly up to you. If he made your life hell up to your breakup, and feels calling you names for any reason at this point; he's completely out of line, and has not only closed all doors, but put bars over them to-boot!!!
You owe him nothing, otherwise.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (23 January 2021):
 He's the one who is being a jerk, not you. You are moving on with your life. He dumped you so what did he expect?
No, you don't owe it to him to be a shoulder to cry on whenever he needs it. You have your own life to lead. While it is very sad he has lost a loved one, you can express sympathy without going out to dinner with him. I suspect he was probably after sympathy sex or similar.
In your shoes I would cut contact completely. Block his number. Block him on your social media so he doesn't see what you are posting. Then move on and enjoy your life. If he can't be civil to you, he does not deserve your friendship. You are NOT a bad person.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 January 2021):
 No you don't OWE him a dinner and lending an ear, you are no longer together.
BLOCK him, unfriend him - whatever it takes to REMOVE him from your social media and remove yourself from him.
You can DO whatever you want in your life, you do NOT have to dance around him and what's going on in his life. He doesn't HAVE to look at your social media either.
Now I get that HE is grieving so seeing you having fun in your bathing suits might feel hurtful to HIM - because he sees YOU living your life and having fun while HE is hurting and grieving. THAT doesn't mean he has ANY right to tell you what you can and can not do, can and can not post you are NOT his GF and NOT his punching bag either.
Grief can have a huge effect on people. Some lash out, some turn inward, some reach out. He tried to reach out first, when that didn't get him what HE wanted he lashed out.
I don't think you are a jerk for not wanting to BE his support right after he dumped you.
I would say this, try not to judge him too hard. The whole being mad, then apologizing then being mad again at you, it's unreasonable - but perhaps part habit, part grief talking?
Cut him off. He will have to handle this on his own. HE made the choice to do so when he dumped you.
If you do NOT want to support him through this, you don't have to. THAT is your choice. If he was still your partner, I'd say NATURALLY you'd support him - but you are not.
I think it's better that you cut all contact and block him. There doesn't seem to be a good reason for you to EVER consider getting back together.
Not your monkey, not your circus any more.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (22 January 2021):
 No I don't think you are bad for not caring more and you certainly don't owe him anything.
If you were still an item and you did these things then he might have a point, but you are no longer in a relationship with him. He broke it off, he ended things, so the tie's were broke when he did this.
You said your sorry he is dealing with this and that you will send prayers his way. This is totally fine, and all you needed to do, he is wrong for expecting more of you.
You are over as a couple, don't feel bad for getting on with your life, your doing the right thing.
If he is going to get funny every time you post stuff online, then maybe its time block him so he can't see anything, as its really nothing to do with him anymore.
You have sent him prayers, wished him well, now maybe its time to totally move on and delete him.
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A
female
reader, CarrieSoa +, writes (22 January 2021):
 You didn't do anything wrong. He is your ex and you do not owe him anything. It's sad that he lost a family member but it isn't up to you to jump to his command when he needs someone. You sent your sympathies. That's enough.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2021): I’m the OP and had to clarify that he’s the one who ended it.
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