A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid.I see a chiropractor once or twice a month. Last year I was going but stopped because I fancied my chiropractor, eventually I started back up this year and I still fancy him. He seems like a really nice guy and my type, very chilled out and has a positive outlook on life.My latest session, he asked me if I have been well, how my Christmas was, asked me what suburb I am moving to (as I have purchased a property) I’m sure this is just general conversation from him. My previous relationships have been dating sites, I’m shy, can barely look him in the eye and completely forget what he says. I want to find out more about him, if he’s interested etc but I’m not sure how to approach this as I am a client and all that. Help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2021): I work as a private therapist. When I was much younger and saw all of my clients face to face I had a lot of men wanting to know if I was single, married, happy sad and all the rest. Many asked rude, nosey, intrusive questions they had no right to. The one thing they all had in common was assuming that if I was single or wanting to cheat I would choose them - it never occurred to them that no matter what my circumstances they would not interest me at all, not my type. As though I were in a shop - for sale - and they could just pluck me off the shelf and take me home if it suited them. Some were very pushy, some aggressive, some downright nasty when this failed.
I suspect you would be similar to them and see every answer to every question as positive, encouraging, some sort of green light. If he is single it means he has been waiting to meet you. If he is married he must be unhappy and longing to see you secretly and so on.
The poor man is actually entitled to choose who he wants himself - he is also entitled to prefer to be single or prefer men to women!
You do not sound at all realistic and you sound the sort who would turn into stalker.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2021): Typo correction:
"That could jeopardize his license, and his conduct as a health-professional will be compromised."
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2021): You're still crushing? So what? Your relationship to your chiropractor is strictly doctor to patient; and your attraction to him is simply and purely incidental.
Outside of his credentials, status of his licensing, ratings among his patients, and any patient complaints; his personal-life is off-limits and none of your business!
Continued pursuit of someone oblivious to your interests or amorous-pursuits is "stalking." It's okay to have curiosity and interests about people. However, when they don't reciprocate romantic-interest, and are simply exchanging courtesy, or a proper bedside manner; your response, aside from being gracious, is behaving like a love-struck teenager. Once you reestablished a professional-connection, you made it unethical for him to respond to your flirtations and/or amorous-pursuits. That could jeopardize his license, and his conduct as a health-professional will compromised. It then places his behavior under scrutiny by the Chiropractic Examiners Board; thereby endangering his continued license to practice, and his practice becomes potentially subject to liability. He'd be very foolish. He doesn't know when he's being setup. Professional-ethics requires him to repel and deflect such behaviors from his patients.
You're virtually fishing in a barrel, he's somewhat cornered, and access comes easy.
Behave yourself! Go find another chiropractor. You're out of order and out of line.
If you just cannot help yourself; go find yourself both a female-chiropractor, and a female-therapist...to help you to get-over a possible impulsive-behavior problem. It's perfectly natural and normal to have a crush. When infatuation borders on obsession, that's a mental-health issue...not something you go to the chiropractor for.
I've used strong-language here, not to berate or insult you. I have to penetrate your emotions in order to make you shift from your emotional-inclinations to your sense of logic. I don't mean to be cruel to you or to be judgy.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (22 January 2021):
 This sounds like a really bad idea, OP
He is your chiropractor, nothing more. He is going his job. Being nice, talking to you while working is common, though not all in the medical field has good "bed side" manners.
Let's say he is married. HOW awkward would this be for him AND you if you asked him out?!
You could however engage in the conversation and ask him questions. If nothing else it might give you a little practice in the social skills department.
Having a crush on a doctor, dentist, teacher, professor, boss is not uncommon. Just try and not make this into some fantasy. It's rarely a good idea.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2021): Kenny,
I want to start next time with “I’m sorry I mentioned all about my Christmas and New Years, how was yours?” And throw in there “You must of enjoyed it with your partner? Or something along those lines..
I want to get snippets from conversations.
He does not wear a wedding ring.
I understand that I have to tread carefully.
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (22 January 2021):
 I would air on the side of caution with regards to wanting to take things further with your chiropractor as we don't really know anything about him, or his situation.
For all we know he could be happily married with children, He might be gay, he might be happily single and not want to date.
There are a lot of what if's here, and I would tread very carefully with this situation because he is in a professional working environment. He could get into an awful lot of trouble if he was seen to be flirting with his patients.
When he asked you about your Christmas your totally correct when you said its just general conversation for him. He has to be kind, friendly, chatty to all his patients. Its important not to misinterpret his friendliness for something else.
You can obtain all the information you need from general chit chat, when he asked you about your Christmas, that could have been your ideal opportunity to ask him if him and his wife enjoyed the festivities as well.
Don't ever ask him out, or flirt in any way shape or form in his professional place of work. Things could be come awkward and you could find yourself finding another chiropractor.
Just each time you go you can obtain snipets of information that will tell you his situation.
Also, dos she wear a wedding ring?.
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