A
male
age
30-35,
*ernardbernardson
writes:I broke up with my gf 6 months ago. We were together 3 years and very much in love and best friends. I ended the relationship as I felt confused and that I had never been to experience single life as an adult having met her at 18. The break-up made both of very sad as we were very close.We have remained friends talking sometimes on the phone and internet and meeting occasionally. She called today and we ha a really long chat. I have always made it policy not to discuss relationships with her but today she mentioned that she was single again - she had been with someone for a few months on a rebound relationship. She also seemed to want to know what my status was and said she really wanted to meet and come visit me next week - I live an hour away.What do people think her motives are? I miss her and I think in my heart I would like to have another try but I think it could hurt me. Is she just trying to get a confidence boost? She has always made out that she is over the relationship, is this true? I'm freaked out and not sure whether to see her and what to do.
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best friend, broke up, confidence Reply to this Question
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female
reader, auntieloulou +, writes (10 February 2011):
 I think you should meet her if you want to, and you'll be able to tell how she feels by the vibes she gives you. i think you can be friends with an ex, but if you still have feelings for her then it won't work. if you go meet her and you get the feeling that she just wants to be friends with you, then send her a text when ypu leave her and explain that you care about her and would love to be friends but your still a bit tender and not 100% over her so a friendship woiuld be difficult at this time. she'll understand, you were together a long time. and if she is rude and not understanding about it, you know she was not worth the effort. just play it by ear.
A
male
reader, bernardbernardson +, writes (9 February 2011):
bernardbernardson is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your thoughts auntieloulou. I am a little bit scared of being too honest and open as last time I talked to her a few months back she said she did not want to get back together and was seeing someone else. I think she has realised that she didn't have what we had in this new relationship. However, I still feel by being too open I might scare her off and that perhaps I should take things slow and see how we get on when she visits.
I still like her as more than a friend and find it hard to believe she does not have feelings too. She was my first love and it still really hurts and I feel like I just panicked and let her go.
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A
female
reader, auntieloulou +, writes (8 February 2011):
I think it's nice and idyllic that you have remained friends with an ex girlfriend. let her come visit you, thats what friends do. I don't think she is just trying to get a confidence boost; you both had (what sounds like) a lovely, caring, adult relationship. maybe she does miss you and wants to talk things out with you. maybe she just wants to meet you as a friend. if you see her and realise that she seems to want to give it another go, you need to be honest and open with her. you were together a long time, she will be happy with your honesty. let her know your fears and doubts about getting back together, she'll understand and no doubt have fears and doubts herself.
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