A
male
age
30-35,
*ctoberrocks
writes:We have been dating for a few months now and things have been going great up until now. The other day we were having a serious discussion and she told me that she still hangs out with her ex boyfriend. In the past she told me that she cut all contact with him, other than facebook. Then she suddenly comes out and says that he has been over to her house and has even visited her at work. She told me that there is nothing going on between them, they're just friends.This upset me obviously because she told me before that they weren't talking. Why would she tell me all of the sudden? I asked her why she denied it in the first place and she said it was because she was afraid that I would leave. He did some pretty awful things to her so it confuses me how they can even talk. I asked her why she talks to him and she said because if she doesn't he will keep pestering her with txts, phone calls, facebook messages, etc. It sounds like a lie to me though. Why not just tell him to go away?After talking about it for a while I made it very certain that she could still be friends with him and it wouldn't bother me, so long as she told me when he was around. She then came out and said herself that she thinks it would be best for the relationship to cut contact with him. I thought that this was awesome and naturally agreed. The next day I notice he is still on her facebook. Maybe I'm being a little too clingy, but I don't want him around now. Especially after all this. And now I'm feeling very uncomfortable because of this entire situation and I'm just not sure. What do you guys think? I would really appreciate some advice.
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female
reader, Lollypop12  +, writes (8 February 2011):
Being a woman, I think there is more to it then she is telling you. Firstly it is a well known fact that when a past love has done terrible things to you, you overlook it because all you want dfrom them is acceptance and to be loved, for them to change and to love you as you desire to be, so you cling to that falsity, you begin to romanticise about how it could of been. She may not be sleeping with him but she certianly is not over him emotionaly. It takes a massive amount of self respect, which has to be built up over time after being badly hurt before you can say with all honesty that you never want them in your life again, she isnt there yet, may never be. She sounds confused, my advice. Watch closely and dont be too hurt or suprised if it is you that is ousted from her relationship with him.
Hope it works out for you
xx
A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave +, writes (8 February 2011):
I get the impression that this is something that isn't just going to go away and someone is going to get hurt - most likely you. I wouldn't get yourself too into your relationship just yet as I suspect this will not be the end you hear of all this and more will probably come outIt wouldn't surprise me if you wrote back to us within a month telling us you've dumped her - as this seems to be the way it's heading.It would be a case of getting out before you really get hurt.
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