A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:When I met a guy widowed with a daughter I was expecting unresolved grief. How wrong. He's 47 and his daughter is 14 and within two years of his wife passing on had moved a woman with two children in. He loved this woman and she drank and he tried for six years to help her, moving them out after two years.They break up and 18 months year later here I am! He says he's over her and can't believe he's met someone kind, together and a good mum to my grown up daughter. Then three months later the problems start. He can't get over how his ex treated him. She seemed so nice, blah blah. He's down and depressed when we meet and avoids me when he has a babysitter. I'm confused and feel hurt and get cross as I feel he's messing me around. Then bang its all over and he wants us to be close friends. His ex has moved on very uninterested (know her colleague and hadn't been in touch).I tell him I feel used and he said his mind is cloudy and he can't think straight but wants to see me as a close friend and run with me as its boring on his own. What!!!!I'm the one who is shellshocked now. I feel like I've just been totally used and it hurts. I saw him as he lives a minute from me and just said a friendly hi and acted a bit distracted and moved on. I don't know how to feel now. I really thought it was the start of something specia..... :'(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2013): I am the OP.Aunty Em Wow your reply blew me away. You have just summarised him perfectly. When his wife died he was going with women to 'forget' and there were very little signs of her anywhere in his home. He moved on quite swiftly. Yes he came on to me very quickly, flowers, texting all day, wanting my company but never really connecting on a personal level. Quick meetings for coffee, lunch etc. I trusted him ad my colleague said he's a great guy to work with very genuine. Then it was all the reminiscing of his ex gf after her he dumped. He hasnt moved on and wanted her back shes moved on and it is all all an ego thing because she doesn't want him back. Everywhere we went it was about being there with her. I felt we were always going down memory lane together. You hit the nail on the head. I've not heard from him and its not a nice feeling. I feel very used. Have you experienced this?
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (3 April 2013):
 Yes he's using you for definite!
This is a guy who replaces one woman with another quickly, before he has dealt with any left over feelings...he does this because he gets bored and doesn't like being alone.
I bet he came onto you quite strong at the start? and now he's confused and trying to push you into the friends zone.
Guys like this don't want to get to know you, they just need a body, an ego boost an ear to talk to...when you start saying what you want, they panic and back track.
This guy has a lot of issues and none of them are anything you can change, so the best thing to do would be to tell him you are going to date other people and when he has sorted out his issues, maybe you can date him then!!
If you stay, you are going to sink deeper and deeper into 'shellshock' and frustration. His issues are HIS to clear up, leave him to get on with it and who knows, you may meet someone much better and much more reliable whilst you are waiting!!
xx
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