A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am a good looking, successful and nice guy. I dress nice, smell nice and act confident. I am a college soccer player, run by own business and I'm in pretty good shape from playing soccer. Im not extremely good looking but im not ugly either. I just cant get girls to give me the time of day though. Every time I look at a girl in class she sees me and immediately looks away. At parties, all of my friends get hit on by girls except for me so I usually end up alone. I figured that being an athlete as well as dressing nice and would at least get girls to think about talking to me but its like they stay away from me at all costs.I have attractive girls who are friends that tell me I could get any girl I want but they couldn't be more wrong. Im close to giving up on girls completely. What am I doing wrong? Please tell me how I can improve my game or how I can get girls to look at me and not look away.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2013): "A good catch" is what young women think they should want. Its the kind of guy who would make a good husband. Young women will eventually want this. But it usually comes after they have spent time with a bunch of arrogant selfish jerks for a few first.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2013): I agree with Chigirl. Guys are meant to do the work! I would never go up to a guy and start chatting. I am a girl who loves to be 'hit on.' Just be nice and playful when you begin chatting to girls. Don't ask intense questions or seem disinterested when you are getting to know them. Go for it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2013): OP what do you call a goalkeeper who is too afraid to come for the ball? Yeah, a shit goalkeeper. What do you call a man who stands around and waits for things to happen for him? Yeah, you get the idea.
OP you're basically acting like a goalie who just stands there as the ball bounces around the box hoping the ball will just come to him before a striker gets a shot off, or hopes a defender will be fast enough to get back and cover. Would you want a goalie like that on your team? No, because you'd have no confidence in him, he doesn't know how to command his area or dominate, so you know you're going to have work twice as hard not to conceded because he's just standing around waiting for the game to come him.
Well to women OP you're that goalie. The ball isn't bouncing in your box the way you want it to and being easy for you so you're thinking of taking up knitting instead.
Like that goalie you need to be willing to go through players including your own to clear or catch that ball. You need to be willing to race that striker to the ball and be willing to get very hurt by a trailing boot just to make sure you get the ball away, you have to be willing to risk misjudging your slide and conceding a penalty, you have to be willing to throw your body on the line to ensure you keep a clean sheet.
OP women, in most cases, don't come to us because they don't need to. While you're standing there wondering why it isn't happening for you I'm over there talking to them, making them laugh, complimenting them, flirting with them or taking them somewhere private so we can "talk". You're the guy at the party who is standing there with his drink eyeing up girls from a distance and just pining for them. I'm the guy you get to watch talk to that unbelievably hot woman wondering how the hell a short, bald guy like me is able to captivate them so much and how the hell did I just get her to agree to go be alone with me.
What's my secret? Nothing, I'm not gorgeous, not everyone finds me funny or interesting to talk to but I'm a tenacious, persistent, confident trier OP. I see something I like I go over and get it, she's not interested or has a boyfriend? Fine by me, onto the next one.
OP I play attacking midfield, my primary role is to switch from defence to attack in an instant and create or convert chances. I have to know where everyone is on the pitch at all times before I receive the ball or I can't make the pass, but what use would doing that be if I hesitated on the ball and let the other team reset their shape? Nope, I have to either immediately run into the space, send that ball through to the run of my striker or take on the man marking me and take him out of the play. I treat dating the same OP, I know all the women in the room I like the look of in the first 5 minutes of being there. The instant I get a chance to talk to one of them I go for it. If I don't get a chance to talk to them alone I go over and join the conversation.
OP women need to feel wanted/desired, the only way to do that is by pursuing them. The reason that woman is interested in a guy like me and not you is nothing to do with how I look, my obvious and persistent interest makes them feel great and that makes me interesting to them.
OP stop ball watching and play the game, be willing to get hurt or you're just going to be that goalie. How can you say you're willing to give up when you're not actually trying at all? OP fear is the enemy of the footballer and the single man. Just start going for it. you're probably going to make a tonne of mistakes, get rejected, say the wrong thing etc. but that's all part of the fun of the learning process and who knows, the first woman you try it on with may end up being one of your great loves.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 April 2013):
 What are you doing wrong? You stand around as wall decoration at parties and expect girls to hit on you, that's what you do wrong. Don't you know that guys are supposed to chat up the girls? Yes yes, I know about equality and all that, but still. To this day just the most brave among young woman dare take the first step and flirt first with a guy, or chat him up. 99% of all women wait for the guy to make the first move.
Or, truth be told, tons of women make the first move, but we do it so subtly most men never notice.
You got to build up some courage and actually start a conversation with a woman, not just batter your eyelashes in class. The so-called "eye flirting", where you catch someones eyes and hold the glance for 1-2 seconds doesn't work for guys. That's a think girls will do to flirt, and something a guy can do back if the girl starts it up first. Otherwise you just look like you're staring.
Another problem most young men have when it comes to flirting is to not limit themselves. Pick ONE girl to go after. Not all girls, pick one. Girls talk, girls observe, they see if you're desperate and run around to try and talk to everyone. And they dislike it. A girl wants to feel special, and thus you must focus on only one girl at a time, and be very discrete if you shift your target from one girlto another.
You'll catch up on all the small tricks on how to flirt once you just start doing it.
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