A
female
age
30-35,
*rica20
writes:Hi i have another question after my ex boyfriend doing all that messed up shit to me and now being in jail i havent talked to him or wrote to him but he has been writing me for months already telling me hes sorry and that he changed and he wants me to give him another chance but i dont know i havent said anything to him i just read his letters and throw them away after he lied cheated he hurt me really bad do you think its possible that he changed i need some advice please? DO YOU THINK ITS WRONG OF ME TO WANNA MAKE HIM FEEL HOW I DID (DO) ?
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 February 2011):
 Well, my cousin went through what sounds like the same thing as you're going through. They were in a relationship and had a very young son together. He also, lied, cheated, and abused her as well. Then he got sent to prison for 2 years. In the meantime, he'd write her letters from jail saying the exact same thing you say that your ex is writing you. She eventually caved, believing that their young son needed his father, and that he sounded like he had changed.
Long story short, after this seemingly intense written two year love affair, he came home. She was there to pick him up. Within one month, he had cheated on her, stolen from her, and took off, abandoning her and their son.
You should be a hell of a lot pickier about who you get into a relationship with. Cheating, lying, and a criminal record aren't commonly revered qualities in a partner. Look forward, not backward, and let him eat static.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2011): He perhaps has changed and he would like to have another chance to prove that he has, but you don't have to be the person to give him that chance. If he has indeed changed, when he gets out, he can try his new persona out on someone else.
Don't guilt trip yourself about wanting revenge. You aren't even sending the letters, you're just refusing to read them. Want revenge is a normal feeling...and you aren't acting on it or going out of your way to hurt him. Don't scrounge for reasons to make yourself responsible for his problems.
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A
female
reader, peace143 +, writes (26 February 2011):
ive been through similar relationship. they will say anything when they are in there. they have no life in jail. dont waste your time.... you deserve better. remember that:)
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A
male
reader, firstlovelastlove  +, writes (26 February 2011):
 "telling me hes sorry and that he changed and he wants me to give him another chance". I went through similar things with a woman. I learned the hard way to forgive someone does not mean you have to let them back into your life.
"do you think its possible that he changed" Possible -- yes. Probable -- no. Stay strong!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2011): I have read your other question and he hit you and cheated on you, but he has a real time to think inside. Contrary to popular belief, people can change. You have a child so you are going to have to deal with him on some level unless you plan and denying him access. I would take it very slow, and let his actions speak rather than his words. Whatever your decision don't let it be based on the fact that he's been in jail.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2011): No it's not very likely he has changed at all. He has a lot of time to reflect in prison and a lot of time bored staring at walls. But as soon as he comes out will be back to the same routine.
It's easy to sit in a cell and promise yourself that you'll change but we humans are creatures of habit, it takes something huge to make us change and a hell of a lot of effort.
All he has are words and you can't put all your faith in the words of a convict.
Use this time while he's not around to move on. Stop reading his letters and throw them away once you get them. You see he's writing them to keep you ticking, to keep you on the boiler until he comes out. So by reading his letters you're staying within his grasp.
He won't change, and if he does it will only be a short amount of time until he starts behaving in a bad way again.
Move on.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2011): You are right to throw the letters away. If he is in prison then the idea (or reality) of a woman writing to him will become symbolic and he will focus on it much more than in ordinary life simply because he has little else to do - you will become highly significant to him but equally, also, a 'crutch' for him to depend on. Actions speak louder than words - if he's gonna change he won't shout about it, he'll do it. If he was truly remorseful, he wouldn't be writing to you like this, he would be quietly and shamefully serving his sentence and would be determined to sort out his life when he gets out. And if he really still loves you when he's out and he does get his life back on track, then you can decide if you want anything to do with him. If he means what he says, time will tell.
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