A
female
age
36-40,
*ostone
writes:Ok, so me and my ex-bf have been split for about three months now. He broke up with me for some internet friend and said they were so in love that she was going to move down here next year... then she broke up with him a month after they got together. Now she doesn't even want to be his friend anymore.Once I got past my initial hurt I have been trying to be his friend and I have been trying to be there for him because now he's going through almost exactly what I went through a couple months ago: can't eat without feeling sick all the time, can't sleep, can't be happy for anything. As much as I felt he deserved it at first since he cheated on me, I feel very bad for him and am trying to be his support.My problem is, how far should this support extend and how do I know I'm not being used? Since we've started talking again, he's called me several times a week, many times late at night crying, and I've tried to listen to him and cheer him up. I hung out with him on his b-day when everyone else forgot about it. It was his 21st so he bought some alcohol and then later he started kissing me and everything seemed like it was going to be back to normal, then I stopped him because I felt uncomfortable not knowing his true feelings. Then he apologized and said he must just be a little drunk and that stuff is not right to do if we're just friends.Then this weekend he asked me to stay over with him saying he just didn't want to sleep alone. I was hesitant but agreed. When we got in bed he scooched up against me and cuddled me, then gave me a backrub and I gave him one, but then he started kissing me again and things got a bit heavy. As far as I know, that's not friend behavior. Before I knew it he was trying to wrench off my pants, but I stopped him. He said a couple weird things like "I may not be able to give you everything you need, but I can still give you some things" and that being with me like that made him feel happy again. And when I said "you don't like me that way anymore," he responded "well I've been confused for a long time." When we woke up in the morning the same thing happened again and he asked me if I wanted to have sex with him. I turned him down and he apologized for acting the way he did.I don't understand this at all. He has never been manipulative or anything to me and his sadness the past few weeks has seemed very genuine, but I still cannot be sure if he just wants me as a familiar body and not a person. I still love him, he knows it very well and knows I want us to be back together. But even when he does this, he says nothing about giving us another shot. I want to protect myself, but I also don't want to be so much on guard that I don't let him rediscover feelings for me that might still be there. But what do you think? Am I being used or is he just confused on what he wants?
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female
reader, Miss Potter  +, writes (2 November 2008):
 You are being used already, let him get on with his life without you. If he cared for you he wouldnt drag you into his problems now especially that it involves his love life.
A
female
reader, lah mouw +, writes (2 November 2008):
 Okay, sorry for sounding harsh but NEWSFLASH: HE'S NOT BEING GENUINE. He's completely manipulating you. It seems like you have some idea of what he's doing... Now, you've just got to stop it. ...I was in the same place as you last year. He broke up with me, didn't want to have anything to do with me. started talking to me started to confide in me every waking minute, telling me how he was lonely, how people just couldn't understand him as much as I did. I fell for every minute of it because I was stuck in the worst kind of nostalgia... longed for how things used to be with us so bad. so I let him use me I completely crossed the line when he had be sneaking around behind buildings just to make out. it was horrible. You can't let that happen to you. It's great that you still want to be his friend but right now you can't be his main source in confidence. Although he may be extremely heart broken it's completely inappropriate for him to rely on you of ALL people. Try giving yourself some space from him. You both need it. He has to realize that it's not okay what he's doing. And you have to stop DENYING it. If you don't stop this you're going to end up getting hurt. And I'm sure you don't want that to happen.
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A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (2 November 2008):
 Yes..you are definitely being used. He is feeling rejected and needs a woman to fill his ego. Although, he probably cares about you, he does not love you because he left you for another girl. As a woman, we have compassion for the men that we care about, however, Men will look at this as you not respecting yourself. He left you and you are still there for him. That shows him that no matter what he do or crap he throws at you, You will always love him and be there for him.
Don't let him use you in this way. You deserve someone who will put you number 1. Don't take his leftovers.
Walk away with your self respect and dignity. Don't be there for him because he HURT YOU. HE LEFT YOU.
There are so many other fish in the sea, and one day you will see that. If you take him back, make himself prove himself that he is worthy of your love.
He doesn't want to get back together. He just wants a warm body to comfort his pain. Best of luck
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