A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:K and I dated for two years, but now we are just good friends. We text one another occasionally and have dinner occasionally. Although we both still like one another, we know we're not suitable for one another so we've decided to be friends. Neither one of us has crossed the boundary although a small fire is still burning. We are both sensitive to one another about dating other people, and never bring up the topic. We are recently talking to other people, and he recently posted a photo of a girl sleeping on his lap. I respect him and I know there's nothing wrong with the gesture, but I can't help but feel jealous and a little betrayed. Is it okay for me to feel this way? I know we are not obligated to share anything with one another, but should he have been more respectful considering we are on the same page? It somewhat came as a shock and I wish he had given me a heads up since we are still good friends and he knows how I feel.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 April 2012):
 if you feel jealous about this you are lying to yourself about how you feel about this friend of yours...
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 April 2012):
 OP, seriously ? Was he supposed to warn you " I think that tonight I am going to have a pic taken of me with a girl sitting on my lap, how do you feel about it ? " What else : " I have seen a really hot chick at the gym today, there's a chance I may dream her tonight, or perhaps even masturbate fantasizing about her, would you find this disrespectful ?"
The fact is that you are not emotionally on the same page, he has accepted and digested that while he still may have a soft spot for you , nothing is going to come out of it, so he is moving on and reasonably not letting your " friendship " keep him from doing his thing and enjoying his life. You have accepted only verbally, but emotionally you are stuck on him and carrying a big torch.
It goes to show how futile and complicated and doomed to failure is the attempt of being " just friends " with someone you are still crushing on. It just does not work.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2012): "Is it okay for me to feel this way?"
Would it be okay for you to feel that way about any of your other friends? In my mind the answer is no. It's understandable but it's not okay. Do you feel betrayed when any of your other friends get with people or are you happy for them? I think it's the latter right? So if this guy is only ever going to be your friend then you have to think the same way about him too don't you? He does deserve that same kind of respect after all, and if you can't OP, if him living his life in a way that makes him happy hurts you then I think your feelings are far too strong to be "just friends" you will just feel betrayed, jealous and hurt by the things you would be happy to see any other friend doing right? That's not fair on either of you, you will just end up hurt over and over again.
"I know we are not obligated to share anything with one another, but should he have been more respectful considering we are on the same page?"
Not at all, OP how can you expect him to run everything by you? Things as menial as having a random girl lying on his lap. Does he have to walk on eggshells your entire friendship then? Does he have to run every hug, every kiss on the cheek, every picture he takes with anyone that looks affectionate by you first? Well what kind of friendship is that then OP?
OP you're not suited, you don't work together for whatever reason, so you can't have him, being his friend doesn't mean you can keep him either OP. He's not yours anymore and he will move one, as should you. If you can't handle being his friend without feeling betrayed and jealous or demanding he not move on and find love elsewhere to consider your feelings then you shouldn't be friends. You're just fooling yourself if you think friendship can work in that way. You'll just end up hurt, have arguments, and generally detest and not even be able to look at anyone he dates.
You're not friends OP, your feelings for him are far too strong to just be friends and until they subside and you've truly moved on from him then friendship is just going to be one long painful crush until you finally see his facebook status turn to "in a relationship" pictures of him kissing, on dates and with with someone else. If you think you feel bad now, imagine what it would be like to meet his new partner and see them happy together. Yeah, not fun. You need to take a time out and move on. Why are you trying to be friends with someone you still want? That's not a friendship, it's a lie.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2012): This is why its better to have no contact with Exs especially when there are still fragments of emotional interest When they move on its normal progress but it still hurts, its all part of splitting up and getting on with our lives.
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