A
male
age
30-35,
*azzedUp
writes:I need help dealing with my own insecurities. I love my fiance with all my heart and I cannot wait to be married to her, but there are days, a lot of days, where I feel like I lose her. Its those stupid things I do, or those ignorant things I say. Those things that make her heave a heavy sigh when she says "I love you too", like she questions if she does or not, and if so, why she does. I don't want to lose her just because I am too stupid to control my own stupid actions. Please help.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 April 2012):
 yesterday I told my fiance over the phone that i hated leaving him when he was sleeping... he was so cute..
and he asked why and i said "you're mouth is shut" (because he can TALK)... I did not mean it in a mean way... and he took it that way... and he hung up on me...
I felt bad but I knew that by the time I got home to him he would be pretty much over it.
I did send him a text telling him I suffer from a severe case of "open mouth insert foot close tightly" disease....
and last night I heard him mumbling about how quirky and strange I was and how he had to just accept it and love me as I am.... and he does... but sometimes he just has to sigh and roll his eyes at me...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2012): When you do or say something that she finds irritating or ignorant, then follow it up with 'I love you' when you see she is irritated with you she is going to sigh before she says 'I love you too.' I just give my fiancé the 'death glare' when he pulls this crap because saying 'I love you too' was only reinforcing his childish behavior.If you are afraid you are going to lose her, you need to try to start thinking about the consequences of your actions and words before doing or saying something ignorant. If you do this, you are less likely to irritate her. Remember, she isn't 'one of the guys' and is embarrassed when you make any comments that are mysogynistic/sexist (for example: get in the kitchen and make me a sandwich cuz your a woman and your place is in the kitchen), about things like your sex life (when said crudely or in front of other people) and finally, don't point out her flaws or shortcomings to others especially in front of her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2012): Well in that case she sounds like the insecure one, by her assuming you mean the worse from what you say. Thats all i can see from what you have posted man, can you give us an example?
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A
male
reader, JazzedUp +, writes (5 April 2012):
JazzedUp is verified as being by the original poster of the question It's just I say things that she finds hurtful when I don't mean for them to be. Like I mean one thing but it comes out hurtful and ignorant of her feelings.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2012): Well you have recognized you have a problem which is good. I have done the same once and nearly ended the relationship from it. If you love her you need to trust her and give her the benefit of the dought. Work on just relaxing and controlling yourself, realize its most likely yourself being paranoid then it being her(assuming she hasnt given you good reason to lose control). When she sighs she is probably thinking something like "we have been through this a million times, is he ever gonna stop".
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2012): Can you give us some specifics? We don't really know what ignorant things you are saying or, more importantly, what causes you to say them. And what kinds of situations bring yoyou to say these ignorant (and I'm guessing insecure?) Things?
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