A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hello Agony AuntsPlease can you give me some advice. To cut a long story short, I am recovering from finding out that my husband was having an affair - this was over two years ago [2008] and we did the counselling thing. And to date things have been going better.Am slowly rebuilding my trust in him again - taking things one day at a time. He has not given me reason to suspect anything in the last 2 years.However, I have just discovered an email address on my pc - which I do not recognise. I did a facebook search and discovered that it belonged to a 40 year old woman who works in a pub in the uk. So..... it turns out it is the same pub my husband stayed in in 2007.... He was there in the uk on business alone. I have no idea how long this email address has been on my pc.Now I dont know what to do - should I send an email to this woman asking who she is and why she is on my email contact list on my pc or should I just leave things as they are? When he was having his affair I found out that he was using my mobile to call his gf {she would then call him back so that he would be able to delete the record of her calling]. This was so that I didnt see her number on his mobile billing sheet... very clever indeed. And now I suspect that he has used my pc...Oh what do I do? I dont know if contacting this woman will actually do any good, and I know if I ask him he will be come all defensive... Also I am trying day by day to rebuild trust...What would you do if you were in my shoes??Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answers, You have given me food for thought. I will let you know what happens.
Thanks once again~
A
female
reader, Tuatara12  +, writes (30 March 2010):
 I am feeling for you at the moment and understand that pit you have in your stomach right now not knowing.
I would firstly NOT let him know you have discovered this email address. It is clear to me, it is his contact and not yours from your post. So to a certain extent, it does not matter it he had been up to no good with her in the past, what matters is if in his attempt to rebuild your marriage he was open and honest about his betrayals. It would worry me alot, if he hasn't been honest in the counselling. That to me would not indicate a total committment to righting wrongs. Expecially if the idiot used your computer. That and the phone use to hide his activities is pretty sleezy and pre-meditated.
I agree with the fist poster, try and trick her into thinking it is him. You will have to have a good idea of what he might say. Just don't say too much.
In my opinion, you have some reason for being concerned. Particularly with what you already know. I tried for three years to forgive and move on with my husband, problem is I kept discovering more and more betrayals. He never came clean and unless he was prepared to, I could not rebuild my trust or respect. Difficult times to go through, but sometime we need to see what is in front of our noses and take our heart out of the equation in making wise choices for our own well being. Betrayals are incredibly difficult to get over, if your on a hiding to nothing. xx
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (30 March 2010):
Do you know when he last contact this woman? If it was recent, end the marriage and move on. If not, and the last time anything was sent was years ago, then continue to try and rebuild the marriage. If you don't know, send an email in his name asking how she is and see what is sent back. If you suspect her, then you can send an email using his address and try to trap him.
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